*I started to type this summer of 2010 as I reflected life…between my many adventures…and lack of a computer….I am coming back to post what I saved and wrote….I started with the end of May 2010 and wrapped it up with the end of August 2010!
REFLECT BABY. Teachers are advised to reflect upon all they do in order to tweak, chuck, stay the same or improve an idea. I am overboard and take the advice not only for my teaching, but life, especially now as I am in a familiar/unfamiliar place of the great unknown, yet again.
HOPE. The idea of living with BIG TIME HOPE started last year at this time for me, and then the idea pretty much trickled into all aspects of life as the months went by. Hope started with finding a new teaching job, the discoveries of what God had in store for me as a professional, and then the concept of hope relating to life, one well lived, as I watched both GFlo and Emily’s lives quickly be overtaken through cancer and disease. Despite the ups and downs, holding onto hope, the hope that comes from God is what I only could find comfort in. For me, life combined with hope is a journey of adventurous lessons. The only must do: recognize where the hope comes from, and cling on tightly.
SPECTRUM OF ESQUELA. At the end of the 2009-2010 school year, I was certain God was going to provide a place for me to teach, although I did not want leave my current place of teaching, but had no choice. Beyond, my imagination God provided, and in all places, the City of Hope! I get now, why I was not supposed to go to Japan, I cannot believe how close I was to going! Oh the giggles! I quickly learned the students who were in my class were supposed to be in my life. Though, there were times where I was not comfortable, my professional ethics were tested, and I was on my own, I knew God had me right where I needed to be.
I learned valuable lessons in the role of an educator this past year, ultimately making a better teacher McGee. My students continued to test how much more would I love them. They were given a consistent faith, where I continued to instill in them they could do anything with their lives. At home and in previous years, most of my students were taught with a different type of communication compared to what I demonstrated in the classroom. The students who made me go, “hmmmmmmmm????” at the beginning of the school year, were my biggest “ahhhhhhhhhhssss!!!!” at the end. I was able to build solid student/parent relationships, discover intense pain and trials students encountered as they openly shared through our designated “family time” and as I was getting ready to pass the students along, future plans were established to follow individual students for their many specialized needs to learn with a convinced partnership with parents in agreement to help their child to be more successful (which is the hardest part).
One huge lesson or strategy I will take with me (as God is in the process of letting me know the next location) hands down is the “weekly phone call”. I was frustrated parents would not approach me or talk to me about their child unless I went into their personal space and spanglished them to death! I understand there was a cultural barrier, but their child was my student and the parents needed to understand my philosophy of teaching included them to be my partner for the success of their child. Without a missed week, every Thursday at recess the students knew I would make phone calls. I kept track of what calls were made in order to make sure all students had equal “good” phone calls. If I had concerns with the students, I too, made those students stay in the classroom for the call home day. For the “good” calls, the individual students would stand next to me, listen to what I told their parent, and then I would pass the phone to the student to not only hear my praise, but get praise from their parent. And the melting of my heart it would do, to see the smile of the individual students as they heard their parent give them words of encouragement. My partnership with parents was becoming a success! For the “needs improvement” phone calls, I do not like to make them. To solve that issue, the students who needed an issue resolved had to call their parents in front of me with a script from me. It was glorious! For the Spanish Only families, I had the individual child translate for me. I wish this was a strategy that I started from the beginning, but helped mid year to even the last weeks of school.
Of course, it was hard to close another school year, gut the classroom, pack up-carting the gear back to my bedroom and not know what is next. The hardest was to say good-bye to my students, as there was so much invested. I’m not completely sure if it will be a possibility for me to go back to the City of Hope. At this point I have been thanked for my year of service, the timeline which I was aware of when I started, though, I wish I could follow my students, and loop with them another year. At this moment, I am not sure it is a possibility.
Now, as the school year is at a healthy close, I’m LOVEN summer, which I needed badly. I am in a similar place to what I encountered last year at this time. I have continued reminders of how God is in control and able to do anything as long as I have my foundation.
GOD IS ABLE. My classic reminder came from the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The common Sunday School story, which really is a pretty intense situation. S, M, and A would not bow down to the gold statue. Neb basically said, “Alrighty then, to the blazing furnace the three of you will go.” S, M, and A had extreme faith. They believed in God, who is able to take a situation that was wild and make his presence known. And that is what God did. S, M, and A, were thrown into the furnace. Based on studies, the furnace was so hott and deathly, the soldiers who threw “criminals” (according to Neb) in the furnace would even die. I am ok without that particular job! After S, M, and A were thrown into the furnace, Neb saw there were four people walking around unharmed. It is like God said to S, M, and A, “I will meet you in the furnace.” Neb saw the faith of S, M, and A. God used the situation to change Neb’s heart.
The idea of God meeting S, M, and A in the furnace can be illustrated and applied to life today with me. I can let God meet me in the heat of a moment. As I keep getting thrown into the furnace at the end of a school year (with the utmost uncertainty of what, where or how I will be teaching the following fall), I believe, as S, M, and A’s perspective, God is able. God is able to take the desires of my heart and make something happen with what he originally put there.
MY BARE FOUNDATION. In May, the living room down stairs was flooded. I was not the happiest camper. My entire wood floors down stairs needed to be torn up and replaced. When the cement foundation was visible it was obvious it needed to be aired out. What seemed like forever, we had to live with a cement foundation living room. Of course I continued to wonder what the God lesson in my torn up downstairs was. I figured it out as I was reading 1 Corinthians 3. Christ is my foundation. I can build on my foundation, but what is built may not always last, but as long as my foundation is firm and solid I will be ok. In the same way I relate that to teaching. I have my teaching foundation, though each year my duty is technically over in a specific location. As long as I have my foundation and desire I can take that with me where ever I go, and that is a comfort to me (although it is not my favorite situation).
GOD’S HAND, NO DOUBT. The idea of completely stressing over finding a job, I decided would not happen until the twenties of August. I turned in updated paperwork to Duarte and Glendora late July. One day, a parent of a student I had my second year of teaching at Cullen called me. She said Bonita was hiring and I should apply online. When I went on edjoin Bonita and Irvine were the only districts who were hiring elementary school teachers. I applied for both. Never hearing back from Irvine, I was ok with. Soon Bonita called me. They said they received over 500 applications, sorted them down to twenty and wanted a panel interview. At the same time out of the blue I received a call from Glendora. Glendora put my updated application in a pile to hire temp teachers. They too had over 500 applications and narrowed it down to ten and wanted to have an interview with me. In the same week I jumped between Bonita and Glendora for interviews. Bonita wanted a second interview, as they narrowed it down to their top ten. In a matter of a day, in the morning I was offered a 2nd grade position with Glendora and by the afternoon I was offered a 5th grade position in Bonita. I am certain God has his hands around me without hesitation and he is able to do anything. After prayer and a pro and con list, I decided to try a new district and become the temp 5th grade teacher in the Bonita Unified School District. I was hired, signed my contract, and got the keys to my classroom on a Friday afternoon. Moved into my classroom on Saturday and Sunday. School started Monday. The 2010-2011 school year began, and I was reminded, yet again without a doubt, God securely holds and takes care of me as I cling to Him, my unmoving foundation.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
June 9th
Today, I went on a field trip with my students. It was awesome. It is sort of like hanging out with 29 friends, well that are 9 and 10! I guess it is cool, because they appreciated the trip so much! They just get excited to ride a bus. And are so well behaved! Since this was our 4th field trip the kids know the routine. I immediately become a tour guide, since most of the kids have not been far away from home. One kid said, "So what cool thing are we going to see on the way to Riley's Farm?" Since there is not much, I said, "The amazing statue of Ms. McGee, and it is free!" They liked that! Simple things got them excited, as we talked about the University of Redlands and the idea that the area is known for Citrus. They were fasinated!
I knew when I student taught in Hacienda Heights, after a period of time, I would eventually work with a lower economic group. I knew I could be a huge impact in their lives and love on the kids. I consider my years in Glendora, my foundational and confidence buiding years, but I honestly knew and it was a matter of time, though it is still hard, and they were temperary years.
This year hands down was my hardest year in teaching, partically because of what happened in my personal life, but also because of the stories I learned of my students and some of the craziness some of them put me through. Just this week I yet again need to call a social worker because a student made a father's day card with 4-20 and marajana leaves, then talked about how there was nothing wrong with the picture because that is what her dad sells in their house! Oh man! This is the first time in my career, where I am feeling the saddest to have to say goodbye to my kids. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all my students over the years, but I am just to the point with my class where we really know each other very well. It is scary how well we all are close in a bizarre way. Though school will be out in a few weeks, I wish I could have three more months with my kids. I thought I would never say that! It is just hard. My mom put it nicely once, as she was going through her grieving class. Every year I go through a loss emotionally, as I have to say goodbye to my classes, and pack up my classroom as if I was not going back. This time the loss is harder to deal with, not because of the staff, but the kids. School is a safe place for them, and now they have no summer school and are going to be in their homes, where many parents dont want them there.
I am confident that God wanted me in Duarte this year. Really without any doubt, now. I have had many, many lessons, that have really made me a better professional. Not sure why it is me who has to keep learning lessons in my profession with a lack of consistancy and awareness of what the future holds, but there is a strong consistancy and desire to teach. I hold onto that with faith that the Lord will continue to provide for what is to come. By next week, I will be done with all the paperwork aspect of my job, and then it will be time, yet again to pack. God is in control, and good thing.
I knew when I student taught in Hacienda Heights, after a period of time, I would eventually work with a lower economic group. I knew I could be a huge impact in their lives and love on the kids. I consider my years in Glendora, my foundational and confidence buiding years, but I honestly knew and it was a matter of time, though it is still hard, and they were temperary years.
This year hands down was my hardest year in teaching, partically because of what happened in my personal life, but also because of the stories I learned of my students and some of the craziness some of them put me through. Just this week I yet again need to call a social worker because a student made a father's day card with 4-20 and marajana leaves, then talked about how there was nothing wrong with the picture because that is what her dad sells in their house! Oh man! This is the first time in my career, where I am feeling the saddest to have to say goodbye to my kids. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all my students over the years, but I am just to the point with my class where we really know each other very well. It is scary how well we all are close in a bizarre way. Though school will be out in a few weeks, I wish I could have three more months with my kids. I thought I would never say that! It is just hard. My mom put it nicely once, as she was going through her grieving class. Every year I go through a loss emotionally, as I have to say goodbye to my classes, and pack up my classroom as if I was not going back. This time the loss is harder to deal with, not because of the staff, but the kids. School is a safe place for them, and now they have no summer school and are going to be in their homes, where many parents dont want them there.
I am confident that God wanted me in Duarte this year. Really without any doubt, now. I have had many, many lessons, that have really made me a better professional. Not sure why it is me who has to keep learning lessons in my profession with a lack of consistancy and awareness of what the future holds, but there is a strong consistancy and desire to teach. I hold onto that with faith that the Lord will continue to provide for what is to come. By next week, I will be done with all the paperwork aspect of my job, and then it will be time, yet again to pack. God is in control, and good thing.
May 23rd Blessed be Your Name
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
The song I play over and over in the car is “Blessed be Your Name.” The lyrics really have hit home for me. I continue to think of the gift of life that I have along with new philosophies, or added on thoughts. I am also continuing to learn that in the journey of the life I am given, no matter what, when, how, why, where, how long, and with whom, I have to remember through it all-blessed be the name of the Lord! God is constant, he never changes and his promises written in the Bible are real and true. I have reminded myself of this concept, and I turn to God, and look to him for guidance and really strength, which leads to a priority check and gentile reminders rooted with hope and faith.
Emily going to heaven was really hard. It was something I knew was going to happen, yet I never really knew how it would be until it happened. The day she passed away was a crazy day. It was the day of the CF walk and all of Team Emily was together walking. I started crying at the registration table before anything started. I usually can keep a tear from falling, but I am beginning to think not anymore. The particular walk was one in which Emily really took ownership in, to get so many other teams involved to raise money for a cure for CF. I think this might have been the 10th year for the Team Emily walk. It was hard, for Emily was not there, or even knew it was happening. At the beginning of the program as the speakers spoke, it was hard to keep a tear from falling. Emily used to be the speaker. My sis kept tenderly rubbing my back, and then typical McGee style slapped me in the butt to make me laugh!
After the walk I got news that Emily was in a place where the docs gave her 24 hours, but really less. Her sort of Aunt told me to get in the car with her from the CF walk to go to the hospital. I decided to go home and call our small group so we could all be together. With Lena the six of us hung at Jill’s, since she was supposed to pop anytime, and pretty much waited for the phone call. The first phone call was to pray that she was going to be unplugged from all the machines. The second phone call was to ask to pray for an easy passing. The third phone call was to say she was in heaven. Emily is no longer struggling to get a breath of air, as for sure since November it had been difficult for her. She is not longer in ICU in critical condition for over three months. She is home, safely home.
What a testimony of a person Emily is, whose heart is solely one after God to fight so hard when her body failed her. The times that I was able to visit her she was coherent. The last time was especially hard as it was just the two of us in her room, she looking at me with big eyes, continuing to mouth over and over, “I love you,” with her lips, as she could not talk because of the trak. God was really there at that moment as she started to get tears wailing up in her eyes, God just put scripture in my mouth and had it flowing out to comfort her. Good thing God always shows up, or I’d be screwed! Ha!
Emily, though not here physically, continues to impact so many it is unreal! I think her family is realizing the true passions that Em shared with people whom they were unaware of, as now the many Emily had built relationships with are sharing the impact Emily had on their lives -obviously, the God sparks in Em! The memorial reflected most of what she wanted, though a long day. It was really nice to have Robin in town for the weekend and of course Lena. As there has been a tremendous amount of tears, deep deep inside I am going to be fine….and that of course is by the hand of God. Small group is going to be fine too, it is bizarre and feels like there is a huge hole with Emily missing, as for the past nine years we have met every week pretty consistently. Now we have a lil one to distract us for a while as we are still absorbing all that has happened the past few months! For small group, as a whole together, there has been a tremendous amount of life happenings we have discussed and giggled about that would happen in our future….the hardest part is to try to comprehend, that physically Emily will not be that 4th person in the photo or eating at gag me, don’t make me go, Soup Plantation. We know with certainty, the character of God has really been demonstrated through all this. His power, control and strength in my weakness has been there and still is. And all I have to say is thank goodness! And really, Blessed be His name!
Meanwhile, I have continued to be a 4th grade teacher, which still makes me giggle. I know that my job is a gift. I have certainty that God has me in Duarte this year for a reason. The whole concept of having hope through this school year is an ongoing process, as I have witnessed and have been apart of situations to grow me as a professional and person. My two project students became one. Unfortunately for one, he was expelled from the school. It is nice to not have as much trouble with a student, but really he was continuously being watched, as many were looking for an immediate reason to get rid of him, and it happened. As months have gone by, it turns out that the social worker who picked up this particular student’s case said his family has hereditary mental issues. Yeah! Crazy! Literally! And I thought I was the one who was nuts! Blessed be your name God! hehehe
My other project student, who used to do snow angles on the carpet in the front of the classroom, was also diagnosed. He was so unruly, I was desperate for change, and the office could do so much, and honestly they were tired of him too. I invited the student’s, mom to come everyday. She did, sitting right next to him. I purposely would change my teaching schedule in order for her to see how he acted up in all the different subjects. At this point she realized it was not me or the school against her child, but her child with a problem. She finally signed paperwork where we could test her son. She also went to her family doc to have him meet with a psychiatrist. The student was diagnosed as ADHD, bipolar, depressed and suicidal as he refers to death often! Yeah that’s crazy too! I have a little grace with this student now that there are some answers, but oh man! The rest of my students are great! I have seen so much growth in their confidence and academics, though we are still working on getting grade level! It is awesome to see how they are becoming more independent! This week is open house! Rumor has it that parents don’t all come, I am hoping to disprove the theory with my class. It should be interesting. We will see!
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
The song I play over and over in the car is “Blessed be Your Name.” The lyrics really have hit home for me. I continue to think of the gift of life that I have along with new philosophies, or added on thoughts. I am also continuing to learn that in the journey of the life I am given, no matter what, when, how, why, where, how long, and with whom, I have to remember through it all-blessed be the name of the Lord! God is constant, he never changes and his promises written in the Bible are real and true. I have reminded myself of this concept, and I turn to God, and look to him for guidance and really strength, which leads to a priority check and gentile reminders rooted with hope and faith.
Emily going to heaven was really hard. It was something I knew was going to happen, yet I never really knew how it would be until it happened. The day she passed away was a crazy day. It was the day of the CF walk and all of Team Emily was together walking. I started crying at the registration table before anything started. I usually can keep a tear from falling, but I am beginning to think not anymore. The particular walk was one in which Emily really took ownership in, to get so many other teams involved to raise money for a cure for CF. I think this might have been the 10th year for the Team Emily walk. It was hard, for Emily was not there, or even knew it was happening. At the beginning of the program as the speakers spoke, it was hard to keep a tear from falling. Emily used to be the speaker. My sis kept tenderly rubbing my back, and then typical McGee style slapped me in the butt to make me laugh!
After the walk I got news that Emily was in a place where the docs gave her 24 hours, but really less. Her sort of Aunt told me to get in the car with her from the CF walk to go to the hospital. I decided to go home and call our small group so we could all be together. With Lena the six of us hung at Jill’s, since she was supposed to pop anytime, and pretty much waited for the phone call. The first phone call was to pray that she was going to be unplugged from all the machines. The second phone call was to ask to pray for an easy passing. The third phone call was to say she was in heaven. Emily is no longer struggling to get a breath of air, as for sure since November it had been difficult for her. She is not longer in ICU in critical condition for over three months. She is home, safely home.
What a testimony of a person Emily is, whose heart is solely one after God to fight so hard when her body failed her. The times that I was able to visit her she was coherent. The last time was especially hard as it was just the two of us in her room, she looking at me with big eyes, continuing to mouth over and over, “I love you,” with her lips, as she could not talk because of the trak. God was really there at that moment as she started to get tears wailing up in her eyes, God just put scripture in my mouth and had it flowing out to comfort her. Good thing God always shows up, or I’d be screwed! Ha!
Emily, though not here physically, continues to impact so many it is unreal! I think her family is realizing the true passions that Em shared with people whom they were unaware of, as now the many Emily had built relationships with are sharing the impact Emily had on their lives -obviously, the God sparks in Em! The memorial reflected most of what she wanted, though a long day. It was really nice to have Robin in town for the weekend and of course Lena. As there has been a tremendous amount of tears, deep deep inside I am going to be fine….and that of course is by the hand of God. Small group is going to be fine too, it is bizarre and feels like there is a huge hole with Emily missing, as for the past nine years we have met every week pretty consistently. Now we have a lil one to distract us for a while as we are still absorbing all that has happened the past few months! For small group, as a whole together, there has been a tremendous amount of life happenings we have discussed and giggled about that would happen in our future….the hardest part is to try to comprehend, that physically Emily will not be that 4th person in the photo or eating at gag me, don’t make me go, Soup Plantation. We know with certainty, the character of God has really been demonstrated through all this. His power, control and strength in my weakness has been there and still is. And all I have to say is thank goodness! And really, Blessed be His name!
Meanwhile, I have continued to be a 4th grade teacher, which still makes me giggle. I know that my job is a gift. I have certainty that God has me in Duarte this year for a reason. The whole concept of having hope through this school year is an ongoing process, as I have witnessed and have been apart of situations to grow me as a professional and person. My two project students became one. Unfortunately for one, he was expelled from the school. It is nice to not have as much trouble with a student, but really he was continuously being watched, as many were looking for an immediate reason to get rid of him, and it happened. As months have gone by, it turns out that the social worker who picked up this particular student’s case said his family has hereditary mental issues. Yeah! Crazy! Literally! And I thought I was the one who was nuts! Blessed be your name God! hehehe
My other project student, who used to do snow angles on the carpet in the front of the classroom, was also diagnosed. He was so unruly, I was desperate for change, and the office could do so much, and honestly they were tired of him too. I invited the student’s, mom to come everyday. She did, sitting right next to him. I purposely would change my teaching schedule in order for her to see how he acted up in all the different subjects. At this point she realized it was not me or the school against her child, but her child with a problem. She finally signed paperwork where we could test her son. She also went to her family doc to have him meet with a psychiatrist. The student was diagnosed as ADHD, bipolar, depressed and suicidal as he refers to death often! Yeah that’s crazy too! I have a little grace with this student now that there are some answers, but oh man! The rest of my students are great! I have seen so much growth in their confidence and academics, though we are still working on getting grade level! It is awesome to see how they are becoming more independent! This week is open house! Rumor has it that parents don’t all come, I am hoping to disprove the theory with my class. It should be interesting. We will see!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The Journey
The words and ideas of hope, perspective, change, a foundation and control are words and ideas that have been going through my head. I think they are reoccurring thoughts, but familiar as the past couple of months I feel as if I have been floating through another world. It seems crazy each word applies to many aspects of my life, not just one.
Hope
To live with hope, there is a promise. To compare hope to hopelessness there is a huge contrast. With hope there is a drive, an inspiration and desire. In comparison, hopelessness is without passion, to give up. The word hope has been something that has been more developed into my threads of the way I journey through life. In my heart there is vast hope for the world and life.
Perspective
There is so much in life where perspective is a major check and focus often taken out of the idea of ration, yet when circumstances happen, genuine perspective occurs. This is one of many lessons I have learned the past few months.
Change
Change makes one uncomfortable, deepens faith, provides ideas of uncertainty, but brings definite growth and full reliance/surrender to the Lord. There has been a ridiculous amount of change the past few months, both personal and social…..it’s almost funny…., yet through it all I understand (and sometimes don’t) that the change was/is necessary to happen and God has and will continue to prepare/guide/use me.
Foundation
With a strong foundation, life can be understood and concurred. On Christ the sold rock I stand. There is no change with the foundation of the Lord, I change, and he remains constant. With Christ I am assured and taken care of through life and that is a comfort to me.
Control
In the heart there has to be a peace that knows that to have control really does not mean to have the reins are in your hands, but in the hands of the Lord. Life is too short to try to control what happens. I thrive to have control, but am constantly reminded circumstances are typically out of my control. Lately, rather then looking for control, I have been searching for wisdom. Life seems out of control, but really in control when change, the right perspective and foundation are in line!
Journey
Pretty much since the end of September, every weekend I would drive up north to meet my sister and mom to help care for Gflo. My routine started by waking up on Saturdays at 4:30am to get up north by 10:00am, but then I started to leave Fridays when the bell rang for school to be dismissed. The weekend for me was Thursday nights as I did my laundry, paid and filed bills and tried to be sane. I have been home very little between work (with my kids getting suspended/sent to the office for ridiculous actions) and being at Gflo’s. Between the weeks of going up north there were huge changes in the health status of Glo. They were very noticeable. During this time, as a family we reflected and decided various actions that Gflo had had the past couple of years was a result of the brain tumor. It was true there were times that she was not herself; I believe this is why; unfortunately I was the one who got the weird Gflo actions. I am over it now because I get it.
Two weeks prior to Thanksgiving week my entire family was able to go to Gflo’s house to celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas early. Gflo is a big catalog shopper, and shops all year long; she really did pick out our gifts. That was hard. If one of us started to cry, then another started. Our goal was to eat turkey and the whole shabang at noon, by five we ate. There was so much demand and time that was necessary to take care and make sure Gflo was comfortable. She ate all the special Tday foods, even the cranberry sauce I am stuck making the rest of my life, because we can’t eat it from a can!
The week prior to Thanksgiving, I decided that I would be able to take a weekend and a few days in NYC with Nikki. It was WONDERFUL! It was the perfect trip with amazing times! Meanwhile, this was the time where Glo’s health decreased. I came back the Tuesday prior to Thanksgiving. That night was the hardest night for Gflo. UG went into her room, as she was bedridden and not eating, he went to hold her hand and she would not let go. He ended up sleeping next to her on her real bed as she was in the hospital bed in her house bedroom. I woke up early Wednesday morning and drove up north to be there by 9am.
Because I have experience in the category of seeing someone in their last days, I tried to prepare myself to see GFlo on oxygen in her bed, knowing she’d be different from the last time I saw her. That was a waste of my time. When I walked into her room, she was in a state I could not prepare myself to see, until that moment happened. She was breathing from her diaphragm short breaths. When I got there she opened her eyes to look at me. When she looked at me it was as if she was looking through me as her eyes were glazed over and almost looked like Emma or Grant when they were jaundice infants. Because she was hooked up to oxygen she had a huge cold sore on her mouth. I held her cold hand to let her know I was there. Yeah, ol’ faithful was definitely happening. And what do you know my volume increased as I told her my nine dollar “hot dog deal” of a jacket in NYC. Mom even reminded me that Gflo could hear fine! Everyone laughed.
From then on I thought I’d become the kitchen nazi. When going through craziness, eating always makes things better. I helped to prepare our prime rib dinner and of course made cookies. Glfo’s kitchen has everything anyone would want to cook in! Nurses came by to bathe and check the status of Gflo. They of course did not believe that I was a teacher. Jamie and mom got very defensive. It was funny. Duh, I’m not going to get dolled up to be at Gflo’s all day in her state. By noon, my sis and I were watching TV with Gflo in her room, well Glfo’s eyes were closed. We giggled and made jokes, as we usually do. I was watching my cheesie warm and fuzzy Christmas love stories…then Jamie got fed up with them so we settled on watching the Kardashins’ Wedding. It was funny for at one point the two sisters of the bride were in a sex shop getting ready for the bachelorette party when Jamie and I realized Gflo was in the room and probably did not want to hear what they were buying. We were certain her hearing was keen. We changed it back to my sappy Christmas show! We were noticing that Glfo’s fingers were turning blue and were really cold. Her color was changing also, but never showed sign of pain or discomfort. We knew what was happening, in her state, her body was slowly shutting down, with her circulation very slow and organs failing. About 6:45, I decided to get up to go to the bathroom, after being in Glo’s room most of the day. By the time I got back from the bathroom, Jamie noticed something was not right. I got my mom and UG. The four of us, on all sides of Glfo, and talked to her, “Go dance, we will be ok, we are all here.” Within a five minute span, we all were there to watch her take her last breath, as her chest did not rise anymore. It was peaceful, with no pain whatsoever. I was a mess, she waited for me to get there that day, we all knew.
From there the hospice nurse came for the paperwork and made a time of death. Jamie and I were sitting in the living room, recovered slightly, making jokes wondering if the Kardsians had anything to do with it? This is the best part. UG walked in the room and with the straightest face ever, looked me in the eyes and said, “If you need medicine to help calm you down I have something very mild.” Before he turned in the hall, I glanced at Jamie, who of course made me laugh at an inappropriate time. Everyone in the family knows I would be the last to need medication compared to them. Jamie even made me laugh more when she was wondering why he did not offer her the action! Ah, it was funny in the moment. Jamie saved me on the recovery as the one to explain why I laughed to UG, for I was biting my lip not to laugh again.
By 9, people (small town- actually a classmate of UG, and UG dated his sis in high school-she was pretty, guess she could have been an aunt!) came to take the body, then house was quiet. We ate our meal that was not cooked right and were numb the eve of Thanksgiving. We continued to have conversations in regards to the whole perspective of life and each moment. Each moment by moment is a gift. We witnessed how that worked first hand. Since I like the phrase moment by moment, Jamie decided she liked, second by second. Coming into the world is a miracle. When exiting the world, it confirms how this is a place that is temporary, not one that is to last forever. If one does not believe that concept the way to deal with death is very difficult, for the hope is missing.
On Thanksgiving, mom and I took Jamie to the airport and had more laughs as she was the only passenger on the 19 passenger plane. She even took pictures with the Tom Cruise pilots and observed if one would be a good brother-in-law! We vegged and ate the day away.
From there we had lots to do. Made arrangements with funeral home of what to do with the body, picked the casket/accessories, clothes to be buried in, paperwork for death certificate, paperwork for newspaper articles (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/modestobee/obituary.aspx?n=florence-alma-hagemann&pid=136810283 ), flowers for casket/pull barriers, picture slide show, framed picture, design and write the brochure for service, return hospice materials/equipment, make phone calls, have lots of visitors, bake cookies, pick food/place for after the service, arrange place of burial, and I am sure there are more, but this is off the top my head.
I went home for a few days to work. I began to stress because I had to assess my kids with benchmarks, grade them and meet a deadline to turn in my report cards with a new program I have never heard of. But all that had to be on hold till after the services. So instead of school work, I decided to take three days off to have time before and after the service to help out. The pre and post action that comes with a sub and the atmosphere of a classroom is one of my least favorite things to deal with. The sub told me in the sub report that one of my students is one of the most terrible students he has ever dealt with. Yep, but for some reason I care about him. Meanwhile two of my girls went through each backpack on the hooks outside the classroom and stole things they wanted, while everyone was at recess. Yeah, that was fun to deal with! And I guess I was a celebrity upon returning, for some students brought me gifts. They students were very sweet and thoughtful. The gifts are going in the best white elephant gift box ever! Just kidding. I have to keep ‘em in my classroom till the end of the year!
The days before the funeral were comic. Mom, Jamie, the kids and I are in the car cruising, stopped at a stop sign, all thinking it is a signal. We sat at a stop sign through an entire song, with not one of us noticing it was a stop sign. Oh dear. My mom got a manicure and chipped her nail, the same nail, three times in a matter of 30 minutes. Good thing I locked my keys in the truck of the locked car after grocery shopping so she had time to go back in the nail saloon by the grocery store to get her nail fixed. The water pitcher from the refrigerator was missing, instead of putting it back where it belongs; it was placed with the cups in the cupboard. The pastor for the service called a few days prior, and said he had a family emergency and could not be there. The replacement was very happy, that is the only way I can describe him. I have a good impersonation. A pull barer threw out his back. Chris’ flight got cancelled the night before the service, as he was the new the replacement, that was solved, but crazy at the moment. Oh man dull moments are a rare existence.
The day of celebration, sounds better than funeral, was long. We went to the funeral home. Mom and Jamie wanted to make sure the body was embalmed with respect. Not my thing, I hung with Chris outside. From there the family met at the funeral home to load up and drive to the cemetery. Grandad and Gflo are together at the Korean War Memorial Cemetery. Since we have been through a service like that before we had some idea of what to expect. It was freezing. We watched the casket go down in the ground. Pretty crazy. You have to have it together and know with certainty everything we saw was a shell. It was no longer Gflo. Though you would think that the car ride from the cemetery to the service would be solemn and sad, it wasn’t. Jamie discovered that one of my aunts that we never see had hair extensions. She is in her seventies, grey as ever with long stringy extensions. When Jamie hugged her she was inches away from the sight of the extension clasps in our aunt’s hair! Comedy, it’s funny for she is just awkward as it is, oh man. Then we started to make the jokes the whole way to the service. So funny!
The service/food part was fine. Lots of people from the community came. Apparently mom should go in the business of speaking at services, for the joke was that some people wanted to hire her for after their parent passes away. Sort of weird. People don’t know what to say. It was interesting meeting people whom we have heard so many stories about and knew my dad and grandparents hung out with. One lady, introduced herself and knew we would not know her, but only of her. She was the farmer who gave kittens to my Grandad, for Jamie and I to have when we were little.
By 8ish-9ish we were back at the house, eating and discussing the day.
What a journey this has been, not only for me, but for my family and friends. Something we have been talking about a lot is the difference between a sudden death and a slow death. The conclusion is they are both hard. With a sudden death, you are numb and that is the initial reaction, then months later feel it. Slow death, you have time, and in a since grieve through the whole process, and you feel the pain through it. Ultimately, it is hard, but brings one closer to the gift and truth of how precious the life that we live really is. It is not about us.
I know I, along with the family are happy to be home to rest and try to regroup. We are all taking a break and then will return up north to the house at a later time to begin a huge project of sorting and dividing. We are in no hurry, for it is a spring or summer project.
Of course writing verses taking an action is easy, but I believe, with a strong hope, the right perspective, understanding of who has control, what my foundation is made of and with life’s journey many changes occur, I and the family are going to be fine.
Hope
To live with hope, there is a promise. To compare hope to hopelessness there is a huge contrast. With hope there is a drive, an inspiration and desire. In comparison, hopelessness is without passion, to give up. The word hope has been something that has been more developed into my threads of the way I journey through life. In my heart there is vast hope for the world and life.
Perspective
There is so much in life where perspective is a major check and focus often taken out of the idea of ration, yet when circumstances happen, genuine perspective occurs. This is one of many lessons I have learned the past few months.
Change
Change makes one uncomfortable, deepens faith, provides ideas of uncertainty, but brings definite growth and full reliance/surrender to the Lord. There has been a ridiculous amount of change the past few months, both personal and social…..it’s almost funny…., yet through it all I understand (and sometimes don’t) that the change was/is necessary to happen and God has and will continue to prepare/guide/use me.
Foundation
With a strong foundation, life can be understood and concurred. On Christ the sold rock I stand. There is no change with the foundation of the Lord, I change, and he remains constant. With Christ I am assured and taken care of through life and that is a comfort to me.
Control
In the heart there has to be a peace that knows that to have control really does not mean to have the reins are in your hands, but in the hands of the Lord. Life is too short to try to control what happens. I thrive to have control, but am constantly reminded circumstances are typically out of my control. Lately, rather then looking for control, I have been searching for wisdom. Life seems out of control, but really in control when change, the right perspective and foundation are in line!
Journey
Pretty much since the end of September, every weekend I would drive up north to meet my sister and mom to help care for Gflo. My routine started by waking up on Saturdays at 4:30am to get up north by 10:00am, but then I started to leave Fridays when the bell rang for school to be dismissed. The weekend for me was Thursday nights as I did my laundry, paid and filed bills and tried to be sane. I have been home very little between work (with my kids getting suspended/sent to the office for ridiculous actions) and being at Gflo’s. Between the weeks of going up north there were huge changes in the health status of Glo. They were very noticeable. During this time, as a family we reflected and decided various actions that Gflo had had the past couple of years was a result of the brain tumor. It was true there were times that she was not herself; I believe this is why; unfortunately I was the one who got the weird Gflo actions. I am over it now because I get it.
Two weeks prior to Thanksgiving week my entire family was able to go to Gflo’s house to celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas early. Gflo is a big catalog shopper, and shops all year long; she really did pick out our gifts. That was hard. If one of us started to cry, then another started. Our goal was to eat turkey and the whole shabang at noon, by five we ate. There was so much demand and time that was necessary to take care and make sure Gflo was comfortable. She ate all the special Tday foods, even the cranberry sauce I am stuck making the rest of my life, because we can’t eat it from a can!
The week prior to Thanksgiving, I decided that I would be able to take a weekend and a few days in NYC with Nikki. It was WONDERFUL! It was the perfect trip with amazing times! Meanwhile, this was the time where Glo’s health decreased. I came back the Tuesday prior to Thanksgiving. That night was the hardest night for Gflo. UG went into her room, as she was bedridden and not eating, he went to hold her hand and she would not let go. He ended up sleeping next to her on her real bed as she was in the hospital bed in her house bedroom. I woke up early Wednesday morning and drove up north to be there by 9am.
Because I have experience in the category of seeing someone in their last days, I tried to prepare myself to see GFlo on oxygen in her bed, knowing she’d be different from the last time I saw her. That was a waste of my time. When I walked into her room, she was in a state I could not prepare myself to see, until that moment happened. She was breathing from her diaphragm short breaths. When I got there she opened her eyes to look at me. When she looked at me it was as if she was looking through me as her eyes were glazed over and almost looked like Emma or Grant when they were jaundice infants. Because she was hooked up to oxygen she had a huge cold sore on her mouth. I held her cold hand to let her know I was there. Yeah, ol’ faithful was definitely happening. And what do you know my volume increased as I told her my nine dollar “hot dog deal” of a jacket in NYC. Mom even reminded me that Gflo could hear fine! Everyone laughed.
From then on I thought I’d become the kitchen nazi. When going through craziness, eating always makes things better. I helped to prepare our prime rib dinner and of course made cookies. Glfo’s kitchen has everything anyone would want to cook in! Nurses came by to bathe and check the status of Gflo. They of course did not believe that I was a teacher. Jamie and mom got very defensive. It was funny. Duh, I’m not going to get dolled up to be at Gflo’s all day in her state. By noon, my sis and I were watching TV with Gflo in her room, well Glfo’s eyes were closed. We giggled and made jokes, as we usually do. I was watching my cheesie warm and fuzzy Christmas love stories…then Jamie got fed up with them so we settled on watching the Kardashins’ Wedding. It was funny for at one point the two sisters of the bride were in a sex shop getting ready for the bachelorette party when Jamie and I realized Gflo was in the room and probably did not want to hear what they were buying. We were certain her hearing was keen. We changed it back to my sappy Christmas show! We were noticing that Glfo’s fingers were turning blue and were really cold. Her color was changing also, but never showed sign of pain or discomfort. We knew what was happening, in her state, her body was slowly shutting down, with her circulation very slow and organs failing. About 6:45, I decided to get up to go to the bathroom, after being in Glo’s room most of the day. By the time I got back from the bathroom, Jamie noticed something was not right. I got my mom and UG. The four of us, on all sides of Glfo, and talked to her, “Go dance, we will be ok, we are all here.” Within a five minute span, we all were there to watch her take her last breath, as her chest did not rise anymore. It was peaceful, with no pain whatsoever. I was a mess, she waited for me to get there that day, we all knew.
From there the hospice nurse came for the paperwork and made a time of death. Jamie and I were sitting in the living room, recovered slightly, making jokes wondering if the Kardsians had anything to do with it? This is the best part. UG walked in the room and with the straightest face ever, looked me in the eyes and said, “If you need medicine to help calm you down I have something very mild.” Before he turned in the hall, I glanced at Jamie, who of course made me laugh at an inappropriate time. Everyone in the family knows I would be the last to need medication compared to them. Jamie even made me laugh more when she was wondering why he did not offer her the action! Ah, it was funny in the moment. Jamie saved me on the recovery as the one to explain why I laughed to UG, for I was biting my lip not to laugh again.
By 9, people (small town- actually a classmate of UG, and UG dated his sis in high school-she was pretty, guess she could have been an aunt!) came to take the body, then house was quiet. We ate our meal that was not cooked right and were numb the eve of Thanksgiving. We continued to have conversations in regards to the whole perspective of life and each moment. Each moment by moment is a gift. We witnessed how that worked first hand. Since I like the phrase moment by moment, Jamie decided she liked, second by second. Coming into the world is a miracle. When exiting the world, it confirms how this is a place that is temporary, not one that is to last forever. If one does not believe that concept the way to deal with death is very difficult, for the hope is missing.
On Thanksgiving, mom and I took Jamie to the airport and had more laughs as she was the only passenger on the 19 passenger plane. She even took pictures with the Tom Cruise pilots and observed if one would be a good brother-in-law! We vegged and ate the day away.
From there we had lots to do. Made arrangements with funeral home of what to do with the body, picked the casket/accessories, clothes to be buried in, paperwork for death certificate, paperwork for newspaper articles (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/modestobee/obituary.aspx?n=florence-alma-hagemann&pid=136810283 ), flowers for casket/pull barriers, picture slide show, framed picture, design and write the brochure for service, return hospice materials/equipment, make phone calls, have lots of visitors, bake cookies, pick food/place for after the service, arrange place of burial, and I am sure there are more, but this is off the top my head.
I went home for a few days to work. I began to stress because I had to assess my kids with benchmarks, grade them and meet a deadline to turn in my report cards with a new program I have never heard of. But all that had to be on hold till after the services. So instead of school work, I decided to take three days off to have time before and after the service to help out. The pre and post action that comes with a sub and the atmosphere of a classroom is one of my least favorite things to deal with. The sub told me in the sub report that one of my students is one of the most terrible students he has ever dealt with. Yep, but for some reason I care about him. Meanwhile two of my girls went through each backpack on the hooks outside the classroom and stole things they wanted, while everyone was at recess. Yeah, that was fun to deal with! And I guess I was a celebrity upon returning, for some students brought me gifts. They students were very sweet and thoughtful. The gifts are going in the best white elephant gift box ever! Just kidding. I have to keep ‘em in my classroom till the end of the year!
The days before the funeral were comic. Mom, Jamie, the kids and I are in the car cruising, stopped at a stop sign, all thinking it is a signal. We sat at a stop sign through an entire song, with not one of us noticing it was a stop sign. Oh dear. My mom got a manicure and chipped her nail, the same nail, three times in a matter of 30 minutes. Good thing I locked my keys in the truck of the locked car after grocery shopping so she had time to go back in the nail saloon by the grocery store to get her nail fixed. The water pitcher from the refrigerator was missing, instead of putting it back where it belongs; it was placed with the cups in the cupboard. The pastor for the service called a few days prior, and said he had a family emergency and could not be there. The replacement was very happy, that is the only way I can describe him. I have a good impersonation. A pull barer threw out his back. Chris’ flight got cancelled the night before the service, as he was the new the replacement, that was solved, but crazy at the moment. Oh man dull moments are a rare existence.
The day of celebration, sounds better than funeral, was long. We went to the funeral home. Mom and Jamie wanted to make sure the body was embalmed with respect. Not my thing, I hung with Chris outside. From there the family met at the funeral home to load up and drive to the cemetery. Grandad and Gflo are together at the Korean War Memorial Cemetery. Since we have been through a service like that before we had some idea of what to expect. It was freezing. We watched the casket go down in the ground. Pretty crazy. You have to have it together and know with certainty everything we saw was a shell. It was no longer Gflo. Though you would think that the car ride from the cemetery to the service would be solemn and sad, it wasn’t. Jamie discovered that one of my aunts that we never see had hair extensions. She is in her seventies, grey as ever with long stringy extensions. When Jamie hugged her she was inches away from the sight of the extension clasps in our aunt’s hair! Comedy, it’s funny for she is just awkward as it is, oh man. Then we started to make the jokes the whole way to the service. So funny!
The service/food part was fine. Lots of people from the community came. Apparently mom should go in the business of speaking at services, for the joke was that some people wanted to hire her for after their parent passes away. Sort of weird. People don’t know what to say. It was interesting meeting people whom we have heard so many stories about and knew my dad and grandparents hung out with. One lady, introduced herself and knew we would not know her, but only of her. She was the farmer who gave kittens to my Grandad, for Jamie and I to have when we were little.
By 8ish-9ish we were back at the house, eating and discussing the day.
What a journey this has been, not only for me, but for my family and friends. Something we have been talking about a lot is the difference between a sudden death and a slow death. The conclusion is they are both hard. With a sudden death, you are numb and that is the initial reaction, then months later feel it. Slow death, you have time, and in a since grieve through the whole process, and you feel the pain through it. Ultimately, it is hard, but brings one closer to the gift and truth of how precious the life that we live really is. It is not about us.
I know I, along with the family are happy to be home to rest and try to regroup. We are all taking a break and then will return up north to the house at a later time to begin a huge project of sorting and dividing. We are in no hurry, for it is a spring or summer project.
Of course writing verses taking an action is easy, but I believe, with a strong hope, the right perspective, understanding of who has control, what my foundation is made of and with life’s journey many changes occur, I and the family are going to be fine.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Life is full in ALL spectrums
Life is full in all spectrums.
This is the first week since the beginning of school that I have planned and photocopied everything I need for my week prior to the weekend. The plans always change, but I thought I’d give it a try to not drive myself crazy wondering what I need to do!
My students are fun and make me work really hard. My kids have a reputation for being low. I am tired of people referring to my students that way. I am determined to change their status. I was talking about California history to the students, and they asked me what other countries California was like. Another words, in their heads California is a country. I soon learned, my students have little to no background knowledge of history, geography, or science. Ahhhhh! So frustrating. Math and ELA is huge, I get that, but the other subjects are important too! So I am trying to give it all to my kids, and it is working, and I can measure an incredible growth of learning and it has only been a month. There is a long journey ahead, but I know it will end with positive results, but LOTS of work.
There are times when I have to remind myself that I am a teacher, for I feel that I am a parent, counselor, caretaker, etc. most of the time. Lots of crazy stories. Kids tell me everything. One girl told me that when she was 3 her parents divorced. Her mom would lock her in the bathroom when she would get mad at her. As a toddler, she would tell her dad that her mom would hurt her when he was gone. She had to go to court, before a judge to tell what her mom did to her for her dad to get full custody of her. Now it is the two of them. Really, she is a drug baby, and her mom is a drug addict. She is not allowed to see mom till she is 18. This student brought to school a wallet sized photo album that was obviously looked at a lot by this little one of her and her parents prior to the separation. She is a sweet little one, and usually greets me when I get to school between 6:50 and 7!
With another student I noticed dad was a little odd in his verbal communication and body language, as he daily dropped off and picked up his daughter. One day, the student came to me and said she was sad, and explained that the night prior, after she got out of the shower the cops were at her house, dad was in hand cuffs, and mom was on the floor holding onto her head, which was bruised. My student explained, she did not know what was going on. In the eyes of my student, the cops decided to let her dad go, but told him to never come back to her house. The next day, the cops stopped by and he was still there. She basically watched him again get hand cuffed and taken away. Apparently, he is now in prison in LA. Not quite sure all the details, but defiantly abusive father to her mother. She is a sweet little girl too, new to the school, and extremely talented in art, but unnoticed by her family at home!
This year’s “project” student is by far one of the hardest kids I have had to deal with. One of the most defiant, rude, and disrespectful kids, but that will change this year….it just takes every piece of patience I have, and it is hard. In the car on the way to school, I tell myself, “His mercies are new every morning!” Two different counselors come every week on different days to work with the student: one on how to interact with his family and two how to have the appropriate classroom behavior. Last year his teacher sent him to the office everyday, for he was uncontrollable. I disagree with that philosophy, for he needs to learn the appropriate Ms. McGee procedures! I have learned that students like this are crying out for love and healthy attention more than any other kid. I can act out what this kid does in my class better than explain it, but trust me, it is crazy! Daily I have a new strategy to control this student with consistency because what worked the day before typically does not work the next. The latest is to staple a blank paper together and have him deliver it to another teacher so he can get some fresh air and I can have a breather to think of what to do next! I just have to remind myself that with students like this by the end of the year I have always been successful to see huge leaps of growth only with baby steps….baby steps that’s what it will take. This dude lives in an apartment with his family. He shares a room with a sibling and uncle who sleeps on the floor. Many family members live in the apartment. Mom I guess is quite the woman, very vocal and argues with all. I have not encountered her yet, but I will very soon since conferences are in one week.
Here’s a funny story. My students are playing “Around the World” with multiplication flash cards. It is a game where the students are challenged to show what they know in a subject as they compete with other students. One girl was beating everyone. Another student in awe, shouted out, “Dammmmm she’s good.” Now, I know the appropriate talk that should go on in the classroom…but it was so funny to hear a true genuine reaction!
Another time I was chewing out my “Project Student” outside. When I came back in the classroom, in all seriousness, the students pointed to the smoke alarm in the middle of the classroom ceiling and asked, “Is that a surveillance camera, and did you hear us say…..” My response, “Why of course it is a surveillance camera, you are not supposed to know till 6th grade…. that’s why I went outside, I knew you were watched. And I heard what you said….” All the faces of the students were in amazement. Hilarious!
There are more crazy stories, but they’ll come out at another time. So much happens daily…it’s hard for me remember!
I’ve been writing grants like a madwoman to try to get some funds for my students. My students have never been on a field trip. I am happy to say that we have received the funding to pay for 111 4th and 5th grade students to go on two different field trips completely free. I think the total grant we got is around three thousand dollars. I am awed, humbled and thrilled! There are more grants I am waiting to hear from to see what else the kids can possible receive! So cool. People are incredible to have hearts for others when they do not know the benefiters!
This weekend I was able to go up north again and visit GFlo. She is weaker and weaker. The best way to describe what she is like is to compare her to Grant. What I do for Grant is pretty much what needs to be done for GFlo. She is a trooper, but there are effects of the tumor. She needs full help to walk, eat, go to the bathroom, and anything you can think of that would be considered automatic for you and me. Talking is minimal with GFlo, for it takes a great amount of energy from her. This weekend she did have conversations with me, which confirmed that she tracks with what is going on. While watching all the baseball and football games we discussed what my husband should look like. It was funny because her true opinions come out. When Jamie and Emma arrived the true good times happened. Between all the gals, we were good at making GFlo laugh. Her laugh consisted of no facial expressions or sounds, but her shoulders moving up and down. Tuesday she will begin radiation. She is scared, you can tell, but talks very little about the radiation. She wants to do radiation, although she will become even more weaker. Pray this week for her and mom as it will be another new step in this whole situation. Through it all, God has been good. The prayer of mine has been that she will not encounter pain or suffer. Whenever we ask GFlo if anything hurts, she says amazingly no. Absolutely incredible.
Now through December is really getting full. It seems like every year at this time I manage to fill up my weekends fast. Some upcoming action is college reunion in Oregon! Haller! That’s gonna be great. Love those gals, and Jim! I am also going to NYC with Nikki since Mike is deployed somewhere. I am looking forward to good times and of course hanging with the NCY crew of people! I get a chuckle just thinking about it! I think it will be good to get away and in a since be refreshed by the peeps!
This is the first week since the beginning of school that I have planned and photocopied everything I need for my week prior to the weekend. The plans always change, but I thought I’d give it a try to not drive myself crazy wondering what I need to do!
My students are fun and make me work really hard. My kids have a reputation for being low. I am tired of people referring to my students that way. I am determined to change their status. I was talking about California history to the students, and they asked me what other countries California was like. Another words, in their heads California is a country. I soon learned, my students have little to no background knowledge of history, geography, or science. Ahhhhh! So frustrating. Math and ELA is huge, I get that, but the other subjects are important too! So I am trying to give it all to my kids, and it is working, and I can measure an incredible growth of learning and it has only been a month. There is a long journey ahead, but I know it will end with positive results, but LOTS of work.
There are times when I have to remind myself that I am a teacher, for I feel that I am a parent, counselor, caretaker, etc. most of the time. Lots of crazy stories. Kids tell me everything. One girl told me that when she was 3 her parents divorced. Her mom would lock her in the bathroom when she would get mad at her. As a toddler, she would tell her dad that her mom would hurt her when he was gone. She had to go to court, before a judge to tell what her mom did to her for her dad to get full custody of her. Now it is the two of them. Really, she is a drug baby, and her mom is a drug addict. She is not allowed to see mom till she is 18. This student brought to school a wallet sized photo album that was obviously looked at a lot by this little one of her and her parents prior to the separation. She is a sweet little one, and usually greets me when I get to school between 6:50 and 7!
With another student I noticed dad was a little odd in his verbal communication and body language, as he daily dropped off and picked up his daughter. One day, the student came to me and said she was sad, and explained that the night prior, after she got out of the shower the cops were at her house, dad was in hand cuffs, and mom was on the floor holding onto her head, which was bruised. My student explained, she did not know what was going on. In the eyes of my student, the cops decided to let her dad go, but told him to never come back to her house. The next day, the cops stopped by and he was still there. She basically watched him again get hand cuffed and taken away. Apparently, he is now in prison in LA. Not quite sure all the details, but defiantly abusive father to her mother. She is a sweet little girl too, new to the school, and extremely talented in art, but unnoticed by her family at home!
This year’s “project” student is by far one of the hardest kids I have had to deal with. One of the most defiant, rude, and disrespectful kids, but that will change this year….it just takes every piece of patience I have, and it is hard. In the car on the way to school, I tell myself, “His mercies are new every morning!” Two different counselors come every week on different days to work with the student: one on how to interact with his family and two how to have the appropriate classroom behavior. Last year his teacher sent him to the office everyday, for he was uncontrollable. I disagree with that philosophy, for he needs to learn the appropriate Ms. McGee procedures! I have learned that students like this are crying out for love and healthy attention more than any other kid. I can act out what this kid does in my class better than explain it, but trust me, it is crazy! Daily I have a new strategy to control this student with consistency because what worked the day before typically does not work the next. The latest is to staple a blank paper together and have him deliver it to another teacher so he can get some fresh air and I can have a breather to think of what to do next! I just have to remind myself that with students like this by the end of the year I have always been successful to see huge leaps of growth only with baby steps….baby steps that’s what it will take. This dude lives in an apartment with his family. He shares a room with a sibling and uncle who sleeps on the floor. Many family members live in the apartment. Mom I guess is quite the woman, very vocal and argues with all. I have not encountered her yet, but I will very soon since conferences are in one week.
Here’s a funny story. My students are playing “Around the World” with multiplication flash cards. It is a game where the students are challenged to show what they know in a subject as they compete with other students. One girl was beating everyone. Another student in awe, shouted out, “Dammmmm she’s good.” Now, I know the appropriate talk that should go on in the classroom…but it was so funny to hear a true genuine reaction!
Another time I was chewing out my “Project Student” outside. When I came back in the classroom, in all seriousness, the students pointed to the smoke alarm in the middle of the classroom ceiling and asked, “Is that a surveillance camera, and did you hear us say…..” My response, “Why of course it is a surveillance camera, you are not supposed to know till 6th grade…. that’s why I went outside, I knew you were watched. And I heard what you said….” All the faces of the students were in amazement. Hilarious!
There are more crazy stories, but they’ll come out at another time. So much happens daily…it’s hard for me remember!
I’ve been writing grants like a madwoman to try to get some funds for my students. My students have never been on a field trip. I am happy to say that we have received the funding to pay for 111 4th and 5th grade students to go on two different field trips completely free. I think the total grant we got is around three thousand dollars. I am awed, humbled and thrilled! There are more grants I am waiting to hear from to see what else the kids can possible receive! So cool. People are incredible to have hearts for others when they do not know the benefiters!
This weekend I was able to go up north again and visit GFlo. She is weaker and weaker. The best way to describe what she is like is to compare her to Grant. What I do for Grant is pretty much what needs to be done for GFlo. She is a trooper, but there are effects of the tumor. She needs full help to walk, eat, go to the bathroom, and anything you can think of that would be considered automatic for you and me. Talking is minimal with GFlo, for it takes a great amount of energy from her. This weekend she did have conversations with me, which confirmed that she tracks with what is going on. While watching all the baseball and football games we discussed what my husband should look like. It was funny because her true opinions come out. When Jamie and Emma arrived the true good times happened. Between all the gals, we were good at making GFlo laugh. Her laugh consisted of no facial expressions or sounds, but her shoulders moving up and down. Tuesday she will begin radiation. She is scared, you can tell, but talks very little about the radiation. She wants to do radiation, although she will become even more weaker. Pray this week for her and mom as it will be another new step in this whole situation. Through it all, God has been good. The prayer of mine has been that she will not encounter pain or suffer. Whenever we ask GFlo if anything hurts, she says amazingly no. Absolutely incredible.
Now through December is really getting full. It seems like every year at this time I manage to fill up my weekends fast. Some upcoming action is college reunion in Oregon! Haller! That’s gonna be great. Love those gals, and Jim! I am also going to NYC with Nikki since Mike is deployed somewhere. I am looking forward to good times and of course hanging with the NCY crew of people! I get a chuckle just thinking about it! I think it will be good to get away and in a since be refreshed by the peeps!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Bullet Point Version
- Bullet Point Version Update!
- Tomorrow is my first day as Ms. McGee in Room 22
- It takes about 30 minutes to get to school as I sit in traffic and eat my oatmeal
- When I get off the freeway, I drive by two signs that say City of Hope….and in my cheesy mind frame, I am so blessed as I feel I have had nothing but hope that something dynamic would happen in my career as I had to look for a new job. Daily, twice as I drive to my school I am reminded of the hope that I had and still do have!
- My staff has been very accommodating most have taught between 10-30 years, I guess that is a big range (two teachers I think are on their second year)
- The new thing on top of all new encounters I’ve been though, I decided to create a really sweet library in my classroom this year. I impress myself. I cannot wait for the students to see it tomorrow!
- I met some of my students last week at a Back to School, but not really event. They were sweet. Already giving me hugs.
- I work in a highly low income, reduced/free lunch, ELL population, but something that I am and have never been opposed to
- There are many things I have to incorporate in my classroom that in the past I did but never had to demonstrate evidence the way I have to now, but I guess I am flexible, and it will make me a better educator!
- I am the only teacher in upper grade that does not have an LCD projector hanging from the ceiling with a document camera. Since the first day of discovering my loss, I have been on the search. God thing for sure…my neighbor who is the literacy coach gave me her personal projector to use, while I am taking the doc. camera from the computer lab until it is needed. The staff is making fun of me since I know the most about the tech tools, yet have a classroom with little technology! There is a lesson, not sure what it is yet, maybe that I have to ask!
- Everyday I have to be out of my room by 4, that is when the alarm is set. This is difficult for me. I have already accidently set off the school alarm and the neighborhood new that I had arrived!
- I am looking forward to diving into a new year of teaching and the idea that I have a group of students to love starting tomorrow and consistently for the next nine months!
Aslo, Gflo has brain surgery tomorrow. She is waking up early to drive with Mom and UG to Sacramento. - She is weak and scared. The docs are weaning her off her “happy pills” so she is just ok and sounds different that she did last week.
- Everyone is getting more emotional and teary
- My prayer is that she does not suffer as this is really the beginning of a battle to flight.
- It is bizarre, the fam has encountered such attack, something I like to call spiritual yuckiness.
- Here are examples: Between my mom, sis, Gflo and I in a matter of three days….a h2o heater corroded and went out, messed up the floor and walls, all pipes connecting to h2o heater have to be replaced. Two different garages broken (I got trapped in mine!) An alarm system broke. Chair for GFlo broke. Sliding Door broke. Dead car battery twice. The list could go on, but something that I quickly became aware of was the idea that we need to have perspective and the armor on for sure! Amazing things that have also happened: Mom’s friend translated a parent letter for me in Spanish, fast! Mom figured out internet solution at GFlo’s. Mom found some referrals for her eye surgery (guess the cataracts decided to act up now!) There are more, but needless to say it has been slightly crazy, but I think distractions are sometimes good.
Monday, August 17, 2009
The adventure has begun....and I know where!
Weeek 10
Proverbs 2
My child, listen to what I say,
and treasure my commands.
Tune your ears to wisdom,
Tune your ears to wisdom,
and concentrate on understanding.
Cry out for insight,
and ask for understanding.
Search for them as you would for silver;
seek them like hidden treasures.
Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,
and you will gain knowledge of God.
For the Lord grants wisdom!
From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.
He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
He guards the paths of the just
and protects those who are faithful to him.
Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,
Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,
and you will find the right way to go.
For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will fill you with joy.
Wise choices will watch over you.
Understanding will keep you safe.
Saturday I received the absolute for sure from Steve and Moko that if I wanted to go to Japan to teach the job was mine. This is when I contacted very close friends of mine to start praying hard for me, where I could have discernment and absolute wisdom with my heart rather then emotions. I wanted a decision by Monday, for I did not want to string Duarte along in the dark and suddenly say never mind about the job offer I received.
I connected with Steve to get the info of the teacher who decided to not go back to Japan, for I wanted to know why from her mouth. Within an hour of me emailing, Jennifer, she called me on the phone. From there we talked a good hour, with my request of asking her the good, bad, and ugly of her experience. Teaching in Japan was one of the most rewarding experiences for her. She wished she could cookie cut the job in Japan and place it anywhere in the world. I got lit up as she was on fire about the teaching experience alone. When I asked her about the community and support from other foreign teachers who joined her in the challenge and stretching experience of Japan, she began to tell me the reason why Japan will not see her this year. Moka hired 6 teachers. Of the teachers three of the guys were, as Jennifer explained, pretty much disgusting/inconsiderate and crude/cross in their everyday verbal communication, something she realized when she got home and how much there crude disrespectful humor rubbed off on her. The other two teachers are pretty much an isolated couple. Jennifer explained in the many days of free time she tried to connect with the Japanese, but it was hard and lonely. She described herself as an extravert, and decided at one point to hop on trains and just do her own thing by herself to explore. My convo with Jennifer was very informative and I was grateful for it.
As I reflected back on my original criteria list and long multiple conversation with Steve of what it will take for me to go to Japan, I realized a huge hole was in the area of community, one of the largest and most important factors for me. I am confident I can meet and make friends anywhere, make the best of any situation, and pull through when it is easy or hard, but because I had insight on the community of teachers I was going to be living with, it made me hesitate. Typically, in life I have never had insight of who I’d work with, but away from work I have always had a community around me. In Japan it is different.
Prior to making a decision, many have thought instantly with my situation that I needed to go to Duarte. But I really wanted to seek the Lord for wisdom of what to do. I am fully aware of my role in my family, yet my perspective is God, then family. I am not closed to the idea of teaching abroad one day, but I am going to choose to work in Duarte this year as a 4th grade teacher and stay in California! Today I can sign my contract, get a key to the room and see what I have in store for my future!
This summer I have learned many lessons to trust in the Lord with all my heart as he directed my paths. I was reminded through my 6 years of drilled “God First” mentality, I did have that mentality as I tried to discover the what’ s next of my great adventures of life. I still believe that the adventure has just begun, and this year’s going to be one that is dynamically amazing as I embrace this change that I would have never pictured for myself. As I reflect on the past 10 weeks of my summer “vacation,” I am reminded of the verses in Ephesians 5:1-2 & 15-17 as I started my crazy ideas and quest for a purposeful job aligned with the passions of my heart:
“Follow God’s example in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love for others following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was sweet like perfume to him.” “So be careful how you live, not as fools, but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.”
Today this is what I will do!
Family Update!
Jamie and I had a fast 24 hour trip up north. We got to my grandma’s house 30 minutes after she got home from the hospital. She is very weak as she walks with a walker -often swerving to the left (a side effect of the brain cancer on her right side of the brain), wears pull ups, left side of face is sagging, breathes with her mouth open-as it is hard for her to have deep breaths, and pretty much sits in her chair and still smokes. She was thrilled Jamie and I were there. She thought Grant and Emma were going to be there too, so we teased her because we are now mince meat compared to the great-greats! The hospital lost Gflo’s glasses, so she wears her sun glasses in the house, something that quickly became a joke. We taught Gflo how to do the Fonzy, shakin her head and putting her thumbs up as one hand slightly takes the glasses off as she says, “COOL!” A huge thing we did was learn to make whole made tortillas and clean out 2 of 4 closets filled of 77 years worth of clothes. I was over the top with gittyness as I began to try on the outfits that were obviously ghetto, asking Gflo in all seriousness if I could have the outfits to make a new impression for my new job! The best was finding orphaned single shoes and asking her what she wanted us to do with them! Our trip was extremely fast, but action packed. Health wise mom and UG are deciding what to do next, maybe a second opinion with Sac town based on multiple hours of phone conversations my mom had with specialists. The goal with Gflo is to stay positive, bring in humor and spend time with her. Meanwhile, my sis and I are working out a conflict that arose during our 24 hour Patterson visit with my dad’s side of the fam, as they were royally upset that Jamie and I did not consider the fact to stop by their house (about two miles from Gflo and visit). Honestly, that was the last thought on my mind! Understandable, but awkward! Jamie wants to spend her b-day up there so I am sure there will be more trips up north!
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