The words and ideas of hope, perspective, change, a foundation and control are words and ideas that have been going through my head. I think they are reoccurring thoughts, but familiar as the past couple of months I feel as if I have been floating through another world. It seems crazy each word applies to many aspects of my life, not just one.
Hope
To live with hope, there is a promise. To compare hope to hopelessness there is a huge contrast. With hope there is a drive, an inspiration and desire. In comparison, hopelessness is without passion, to give up. The word hope has been something that has been more developed into my threads of the way I journey through life. In my heart there is vast hope for the world and life.
Perspective
There is so much in life where perspective is a major check and focus often taken out of the idea of ration, yet when circumstances happen, genuine perspective occurs. This is one of many lessons I have learned the past few months.
Change
Change makes one uncomfortable, deepens faith, provides ideas of uncertainty, but brings definite growth and full reliance/surrender to the Lord. There has been a ridiculous amount of change the past few months, both personal and social…..it’s almost funny…., yet through it all I understand (and sometimes don’t) that the change was/is necessary to happen and God has and will continue to prepare/guide/use me.
Foundation
With a strong foundation, life can be understood and concurred. On Christ the sold rock I stand. There is no change with the foundation of the Lord, I change, and he remains constant. With Christ I am assured and taken care of through life and that is a comfort to me.
Control
In the heart there has to be a peace that knows that to have control really does not mean to have the reins are in your hands, but in the hands of the Lord. Life is too short to try to control what happens. I thrive to have control, but am constantly reminded circumstances are typically out of my control. Lately, rather then looking for control, I have been searching for wisdom. Life seems out of control, but really in control when change, the right perspective and foundation are in line!
Journey
Pretty much since the end of September, every weekend I would drive up north to meet my sister and mom to help care for Gflo. My routine started by waking up on Saturdays at 4:30am to get up north by 10:00am, but then I started to leave Fridays when the bell rang for school to be dismissed. The weekend for me was Thursday nights as I did my laundry, paid and filed bills and tried to be sane. I have been home very little between work (with my kids getting suspended/sent to the office for ridiculous actions) and being at Gflo’s. Between the weeks of going up north there were huge changes in the health status of Glo. They were very noticeable. During this time, as a family we reflected and decided various actions that Gflo had had the past couple of years was a result of the brain tumor. It was true there were times that she was not herself; I believe this is why; unfortunately I was the one who got the weird Gflo actions. I am over it now because I get it.
Two weeks prior to Thanksgiving week my entire family was able to go to Gflo’s house to celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas early. Gflo is a big catalog shopper, and shops all year long; she really did pick out our gifts. That was hard. If one of us started to cry, then another started. Our goal was to eat turkey and the whole shabang at noon, by five we ate. There was so much demand and time that was necessary to take care and make sure Gflo was comfortable. She ate all the special Tday foods, even the cranberry sauce I am stuck making the rest of my life, because we can’t eat it from a can!
The week prior to Thanksgiving, I decided that I would be able to take a weekend and a few days in NYC with Nikki. It was WONDERFUL! It was the perfect trip with amazing times! Meanwhile, this was the time where Glo’s health decreased. I came back the Tuesday prior to Thanksgiving. That night was the hardest night for Gflo. UG went into her room, as she was bedridden and not eating, he went to hold her hand and she would not let go. He ended up sleeping next to her on her real bed as she was in the hospital bed in her house bedroom. I woke up early Wednesday morning and drove up north to be there by 9am.
Because I have experience in the category of seeing someone in their last days, I tried to prepare myself to see GFlo on oxygen in her bed, knowing she’d be different from the last time I saw her. That was a waste of my time. When I walked into her room, she was in a state I could not prepare myself to see, until that moment happened. She was breathing from her diaphragm short breaths. When I got there she opened her eyes to look at me. When she looked at me it was as if she was looking through me as her eyes were glazed over and almost looked like Emma or Grant when they were jaundice infants. Because she was hooked up to oxygen she had a huge cold sore on her mouth. I held her cold hand to let her know I was there. Yeah, ol’ faithful was definitely happening. And what do you know my volume increased as I told her my nine dollar “hot dog deal” of a jacket in NYC. Mom even reminded me that Gflo could hear fine! Everyone laughed.
From then on I thought I’d become the kitchen nazi. When going through craziness, eating always makes things better. I helped to prepare our prime rib dinner and of course made cookies. Glfo’s kitchen has everything anyone would want to cook in! Nurses came by to bathe and check the status of Gflo. They of course did not believe that I was a teacher. Jamie and mom got very defensive. It was funny. Duh, I’m not going to get dolled up to be at Gflo’s all day in her state. By noon, my sis and I were watching TV with Gflo in her room, well Glfo’s eyes were closed. We giggled and made jokes, as we usually do. I was watching my cheesie warm and fuzzy Christmas love stories…then Jamie got fed up with them so we settled on watching the Kardashins’ Wedding. It was funny for at one point the two sisters of the bride were in a sex shop getting ready for the bachelorette party when Jamie and I realized Gflo was in the room and probably did not want to hear what they were buying. We were certain her hearing was keen. We changed it back to my sappy Christmas show! We were noticing that Glfo’s fingers were turning blue and were really cold. Her color was changing also, but never showed sign of pain or discomfort. We knew what was happening, in her state, her body was slowly shutting down, with her circulation very slow and organs failing. About 6:45, I decided to get up to go to the bathroom, after being in Glo’s room most of the day. By the time I got back from the bathroom, Jamie noticed something was not right. I got my mom and UG. The four of us, on all sides of Glfo, and talked to her, “Go dance, we will be ok, we are all here.” Within a five minute span, we all were there to watch her take her last breath, as her chest did not rise anymore. It was peaceful, with no pain whatsoever. I was a mess, she waited for me to get there that day, we all knew.
From there the hospice nurse came for the paperwork and made a time of death. Jamie and I were sitting in the living room, recovered slightly, making jokes wondering if the Kardsians had anything to do with it? This is the best part. UG walked in the room and with the straightest face ever, looked me in the eyes and said, “If you need medicine to help calm you down I have something very mild.” Before he turned in the hall, I glanced at Jamie, who of course made me laugh at an inappropriate time. Everyone in the family knows I would be the last to need medication compared to them. Jamie even made me laugh more when she was wondering why he did not offer her the action! Ah, it was funny in the moment. Jamie saved me on the recovery as the one to explain why I laughed to UG, for I was biting my lip not to laugh again.
By 9, people (small town- actually a classmate of UG, and UG dated his sis in high school-she was pretty, guess she could have been an aunt!) came to take the body, then house was quiet. We ate our meal that was not cooked right and were numb the eve of Thanksgiving. We continued to have conversations in regards to the whole perspective of life and each moment. Each moment by moment is a gift. We witnessed how that worked first hand. Since I like the phrase moment by moment, Jamie decided she liked, second by second. Coming into the world is a miracle. When exiting the world, it confirms how this is a place that is temporary, not one that is to last forever. If one does not believe that concept the way to deal with death is very difficult, for the hope is missing.
On Thanksgiving, mom and I took Jamie to the airport and had more laughs as she was the only passenger on the 19 passenger plane. She even took pictures with the Tom Cruise pilots and observed if one would be a good brother-in-law! We vegged and ate the day away.
From there we had lots to do. Made arrangements with funeral home of what to do with the body, picked the casket/accessories, clothes to be buried in, paperwork for death certificate, paperwork for newspaper articles (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/modestobee/obituary.aspx?n=florence-alma-hagemann&pid=136810283 ), flowers for casket/pull barriers, picture slide show, framed picture, design and write the brochure for service, return hospice materials/equipment, make phone calls, have lots of visitors, bake cookies, pick food/place for after the service, arrange place of burial, and I am sure there are more, but this is off the top my head.
I went home for a few days to work. I began to stress because I had to assess my kids with benchmarks, grade them and meet a deadline to turn in my report cards with a new program I have never heard of. But all that had to be on hold till after the services. So instead of school work, I decided to take three days off to have time before and after the service to help out. The pre and post action that comes with a sub and the atmosphere of a classroom is one of my least favorite things to deal with. The sub told me in the sub report that one of my students is one of the most terrible students he has ever dealt with. Yep, but for some reason I care about him. Meanwhile two of my girls went through each backpack on the hooks outside the classroom and stole things they wanted, while everyone was at recess. Yeah, that was fun to deal with! And I guess I was a celebrity upon returning, for some students brought me gifts. They students were very sweet and thoughtful. The gifts are going in the best white elephant gift box ever! Just kidding. I have to keep ‘em in my classroom till the end of the year!
The days before the funeral were comic. Mom, Jamie, the kids and I are in the car cruising, stopped at a stop sign, all thinking it is a signal. We sat at a stop sign through an entire song, with not one of us noticing it was a stop sign. Oh dear. My mom got a manicure and chipped her nail, the same nail, three times in a matter of 30 minutes. Good thing I locked my keys in the truck of the locked car after grocery shopping so she had time to go back in the nail saloon by the grocery store to get her nail fixed. The water pitcher from the refrigerator was missing, instead of putting it back where it belongs; it was placed with the cups in the cupboard. The pastor for the service called a few days prior, and said he had a family emergency and could not be there. The replacement was very happy, that is the only way I can describe him. I have a good impersonation. A pull barer threw out his back. Chris’ flight got cancelled the night before the service, as he was the new the replacement, that was solved, but crazy at the moment. Oh man dull moments are a rare existence.
The day of celebration, sounds better than funeral, was long. We went to the funeral home. Mom and Jamie wanted to make sure the body was embalmed with respect. Not my thing, I hung with Chris outside. From there the family met at the funeral home to load up and drive to the cemetery. Grandad and Gflo are together at the Korean War Memorial Cemetery. Since we have been through a service like that before we had some idea of what to expect. It was freezing. We watched the casket go down in the ground. Pretty crazy. You have to have it together and know with certainty everything we saw was a shell. It was no longer Gflo. Though you would think that the car ride from the cemetery to the service would be solemn and sad, it wasn’t. Jamie discovered that one of my aunts that we never see had hair extensions. She is in her seventies, grey as ever with long stringy extensions. When Jamie hugged her she was inches away from the sight of the extension clasps in our aunt’s hair! Comedy, it’s funny for she is just awkward as it is, oh man. Then we started to make the jokes the whole way to the service. So funny!
The service/food part was fine. Lots of people from the community came. Apparently mom should go in the business of speaking at services, for the joke was that some people wanted to hire her for after their parent passes away. Sort of weird. People don’t know what to say. It was interesting meeting people whom we have heard so many stories about and knew my dad and grandparents hung out with. One lady, introduced herself and knew we would not know her, but only of her. She was the farmer who gave kittens to my Grandad, for Jamie and I to have when we were little.
By 8ish-9ish we were back at the house, eating and discussing the day.
What a journey this has been, not only for me, but for my family and friends. Something we have been talking about a lot is the difference between a sudden death and a slow death. The conclusion is they are both hard. With a sudden death, you are numb and that is the initial reaction, then months later feel it. Slow death, you have time, and in a since grieve through the whole process, and you feel the pain through it. Ultimately, it is hard, but brings one closer to the gift and truth of how precious the life that we live really is. It is not about us.
I know I, along with the family are happy to be home to rest and try to regroup. We are all taking a break and then will return up north to the house at a later time to begin a huge project of sorting and dividing. We are in no hurry, for it is a spring or summer project.
Of course writing verses taking an action is easy, but I believe, with a strong hope, the right perspective, understanding of who has control, what my foundation is made of and with life’s journey many changes occur, I and the family are going to be fine.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Life is full in ALL spectrums
Life is full in all spectrums.
This is the first week since the beginning of school that I have planned and photocopied everything I need for my week prior to the weekend. The plans always change, but I thought I’d give it a try to not drive myself crazy wondering what I need to do!
My students are fun and make me work really hard. My kids have a reputation for being low. I am tired of people referring to my students that way. I am determined to change their status. I was talking about California history to the students, and they asked me what other countries California was like. Another words, in their heads California is a country. I soon learned, my students have little to no background knowledge of history, geography, or science. Ahhhhh! So frustrating. Math and ELA is huge, I get that, but the other subjects are important too! So I am trying to give it all to my kids, and it is working, and I can measure an incredible growth of learning and it has only been a month. There is a long journey ahead, but I know it will end with positive results, but LOTS of work.
There are times when I have to remind myself that I am a teacher, for I feel that I am a parent, counselor, caretaker, etc. most of the time. Lots of crazy stories. Kids tell me everything. One girl told me that when she was 3 her parents divorced. Her mom would lock her in the bathroom when she would get mad at her. As a toddler, she would tell her dad that her mom would hurt her when he was gone. She had to go to court, before a judge to tell what her mom did to her for her dad to get full custody of her. Now it is the two of them. Really, she is a drug baby, and her mom is a drug addict. She is not allowed to see mom till she is 18. This student brought to school a wallet sized photo album that was obviously looked at a lot by this little one of her and her parents prior to the separation. She is a sweet little one, and usually greets me when I get to school between 6:50 and 7!
With another student I noticed dad was a little odd in his verbal communication and body language, as he daily dropped off and picked up his daughter. One day, the student came to me and said she was sad, and explained that the night prior, after she got out of the shower the cops were at her house, dad was in hand cuffs, and mom was on the floor holding onto her head, which was bruised. My student explained, she did not know what was going on. In the eyes of my student, the cops decided to let her dad go, but told him to never come back to her house. The next day, the cops stopped by and he was still there. She basically watched him again get hand cuffed and taken away. Apparently, he is now in prison in LA. Not quite sure all the details, but defiantly abusive father to her mother. She is a sweet little girl too, new to the school, and extremely talented in art, but unnoticed by her family at home!
This year’s “project” student is by far one of the hardest kids I have had to deal with. One of the most defiant, rude, and disrespectful kids, but that will change this year….it just takes every piece of patience I have, and it is hard. In the car on the way to school, I tell myself, “His mercies are new every morning!” Two different counselors come every week on different days to work with the student: one on how to interact with his family and two how to have the appropriate classroom behavior. Last year his teacher sent him to the office everyday, for he was uncontrollable. I disagree with that philosophy, for he needs to learn the appropriate Ms. McGee procedures! I have learned that students like this are crying out for love and healthy attention more than any other kid. I can act out what this kid does in my class better than explain it, but trust me, it is crazy! Daily I have a new strategy to control this student with consistency because what worked the day before typically does not work the next. The latest is to staple a blank paper together and have him deliver it to another teacher so he can get some fresh air and I can have a breather to think of what to do next! I just have to remind myself that with students like this by the end of the year I have always been successful to see huge leaps of growth only with baby steps….baby steps that’s what it will take. This dude lives in an apartment with his family. He shares a room with a sibling and uncle who sleeps on the floor. Many family members live in the apartment. Mom I guess is quite the woman, very vocal and argues with all. I have not encountered her yet, but I will very soon since conferences are in one week.
Here’s a funny story. My students are playing “Around the World” with multiplication flash cards. It is a game where the students are challenged to show what they know in a subject as they compete with other students. One girl was beating everyone. Another student in awe, shouted out, “Dammmmm she’s good.” Now, I know the appropriate talk that should go on in the classroom…but it was so funny to hear a true genuine reaction!
Another time I was chewing out my “Project Student” outside. When I came back in the classroom, in all seriousness, the students pointed to the smoke alarm in the middle of the classroom ceiling and asked, “Is that a surveillance camera, and did you hear us say…..” My response, “Why of course it is a surveillance camera, you are not supposed to know till 6th grade…. that’s why I went outside, I knew you were watched. And I heard what you said….” All the faces of the students were in amazement. Hilarious!
There are more crazy stories, but they’ll come out at another time. So much happens daily…it’s hard for me remember!
I’ve been writing grants like a madwoman to try to get some funds for my students. My students have never been on a field trip. I am happy to say that we have received the funding to pay for 111 4th and 5th grade students to go on two different field trips completely free. I think the total grant we got is around three thousand dollars. I am awed, humbled and thrilled! There are more grants I am waiting to hear from to see what else the kids can possible receive! So cool. People are incredible to have hearts for others when they do not know the benefiters!
This weekend I was able to go up north again and visit GFlo. She is weaker and weaker. The best way to describe what she is like is to compare her to Grant. What I do for Grant is pretty much what needs to be done for GFlo. She is a trooper, but there are effects of the tumor. She needs full help to walk, eat, go to the bathroom, and anything you can think of that would be considered automatic for you and me. Talking is minimal with GFlo, for it takes a great amount of energy from her. This weekend she did have conversations with me, which confirmed that she tracks with what is going on. While watching all the baseball and football games we discussed what my husband should look like. It was funny because her true opinions come out. When Jamie and Emma arrived the true good times happened. Between all the gals, we were good at making GFlo laugh. Her laugh consisted of no facial expressions or sounds, but her shoulders moving up and down. Tuesday she will begin radiation. She is scared, you can tell, but talks very little about the radiation. She wants to do radiation, although she will become even more weaker. Pray this week for her and mom as it will be another new step in this whole situation. Through it all, God has been good. The prayer of mine has been that she will not encounter pain or suffer. Whenever we ask GFlo if anything hurts, she says amazingly no. Absolutely incredible.
Now through December is really getting full. It seems like every year at this time I manage to fill up my weekends fast. Some upcoming action is college reunion in Oregon! Haller! That’s gonna be great. Love those gals, and Jim! I am also going to NYC with Nikki since Mike is deployed somewhere. I am looking forward to good times and of course hanging with the NCY crew of people! I get a chuckle just thinking about it! I think it will be good to get away and in a since be refreshed by the peeps!
This is the first week since the beginning of school that I have planned and photocopied everything I need for my week prior to the weekend. The plans always change, but I thought I’d give it a try to not drive myself crazy wondering what I need to do!
My students are fun and make me work really hard. My kids have a reputation for being low. I am tired of people referring to my students that way. I am determined to change their status. I was talking about California history to the students, and they asked me what other countries California was like. Another words, in their heads California is a country. I soon learned, my students have little to no background knowledge of history, geography, or science. Ahhhhh! So frustrating. Math and ELA is huge, I get that, but the other subjects are important too! So I am trying to give it all to my kids, and it is working, and I can measure an incredible growth of learning and it has only been a month. There is a long journey ahead, but I know it will end with positive results, but LOTS of work.
There are times when I have to remind myself that I am a teacher, for I feel that I am a parent, counselor, caretaker, etc. most of the time. Lots of crazy stories. Kids tell me everything. One girl told me that when she was 3 her parents divorced. Her mom would lock her in the bathroom when she would get mad at her. As a toddler, she would tell her dad that her mom would hurt her when he was gone. She had to go to court, before a judge to tell what her mom did to her for her dad to get full custody of her. Now it is the two of them. Really, she is a drug baby, and her mom is a drug addict. She is not allowed to see mom till she is 18. This student brought to school a wallet sized photo album that was obviously looked at a lot by this little one of her and her parents prior to the separation. She is a sweet little one, and usually greets me when I get to school between 6:50 and 7!
With another student I noticed dad was a little odd in his verbal communication and body language, as he daily dropped off and picked up his daughter. One day, the student came to me and said she was sad, and explained that the night prior, after she got out of the shower the cops were at her house, dad was in hand cuffs, and mom was on the floor holding onto her head, which was bruised. My student explained, she did not know what was going on. In the eyes of my student, the cops decided to let her dad go, but told him to never come back to her house. The next day, the cops stopped by and he was still there. She basically watched him again get hand cuffed and taken away. Apparently, he is now in prison in LA. Not quite sure all the details, but defiantly abusive father to her mother. She is a sweet little girl too, new to the school, and extremely talented in art, but unnoticed by her family at home!
This year’s “project” student is by far one of the hardest kids I have had to deal with. One of the most defiant, rude, and disrespectful kids, but that will change this year….it just takes every piece of patience I have, and it is hard. In the car on the way to school, I tell myself, “His mercies are new every morning!” Two different counselors come every week on different days to work with the student: one on how to interact with his family and two how to have the appropriate classroom behavior. Last year his teacher sent him to the office everyday, for he was uncontrollable. I disagree with that philosophy, for he needs to learn the appropriate Ms. McGee procedures! I have learned that students like this are crying out for love and healthy attention more than any other kid. I can act out what this kid does in my class better than explain it, but trust me, it is crazy! Daily I have a new strategy to control this student with consistency because what worked the day before typically does not work the next. The latest is to staple a blank paper together and have him deliver it to another teacher so he can get some fresh air and I can have a breather to think of what to do next! I just have to remind myself that with students like this by the end of the year I have always been successful to see huge leaps of growth only with baby steps….baby steps that’s what it will take. This dude lives in an apartment with his family. He shares a room with a sibling and uncle who sleeps on the floor. Many family members live in the apartment. Mom I guess is quite the woman, very vocal and argues with all. I have not encountered her yet, but I will very soon since conferences are in one week.
Here’s a funny story. My students are playing “Around the World” with multiplication flash cards. It is a game where the students are challenged to show what they know in a subject as they compete with other students. One girl was beating everyone. Another student in awe, shouted out, “Dammmmm she’s good.” Now, I know the appropriate talk that should go on in the classroom…but it was so funny to hear a true genuine reaction!
Another time I was chewing out my “Project Student” outside. When I came back in the classroom, in all seriousness, the students pointed to the smoke alarm in the middle of the classroom ceiling and asked, “Is that a surveillance camera, and did you hear us say…..” My response, “Why of course it is a surveillance camera, you are not supposed to know till 6th grade…. that’s why I went outside, I knew you were watched. And I heard what you said….” All the faces of the students were in amazement. Hilarious!
There are more crazy stories, but they’ll come out at another time. So much happens daily…it’s hard for me remember!
I’ve been writing grants like a madwoman to try to get some funds for my students. My students have never been on a field trip. I am happy to say that we have received the funding to pay for 111 4th and 5th grade students to go on two different field trips completely free. I think the total grant we got is around three thousand dollars. I am awed, humbled and thrilled! There are more grants I am waiting to hear from to see what else the kids can possible receive! So cool. People are incredible to have hearts for others when they do not know the benefiters!
This weekend I was able to go up north again and visit GFlo. She is weaker and weaker. The best way to describe what she is like is to compare her to Grant. What I do for Grant is pretty much what needs to be done for GFlo. She is a trooper, but there are effects of the tumor. She needs full help to walk, eat, go to the bathroom, and anything you can think of that would be considered automatic for you and me. Talking is minimal with GFlo, for it takes a great amount of energy from her. This weekend she did have conversations with me, which confirmed that she tracks with what is going on. While watching all the baseball and football games we discussed what my husband should look like. It was funny because her true opinions come out. When Jamie and Emma arrived the true good times happened. Between all the gals, we were good at making GFlo laugh. Her laugh consisted of no facial expressions or sounds, but her shoulders moving up and down. Tuesday she will begin radiation. She is scared, you can tell, but talks very little about the radiation. She wants to do radiation, although she will become even more weaker. Pray this week for her and mom as it will be another new step in this whole situation. Through it all, God has been good. The prayer of mine has been that she will not encounter pain or suffer. Whenever we ask GFlo if anything hurts, she says amazingly no. Absolutely incredible.
Now through December is really getting full. It seems like every year at this time I manage to fill up my weekends fast. Some upcoming action is college reunion in Oregon! Haller! That’s gonna be great. Love those gals, and Jim! I am also going to NYC with Nikki since Mike is deployed somewhere. I am looking forward to good times and of course hanging with the NCY crew of people! I get a chuckle just thinking about it! I think it will be good to get away and in a since be refreshed by the peeps!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Bullet Point Version
- Bullet Point Version Update!
- Tomorrow is my first day as Ms. McGee in Room 22
- It takes about 30 minutes to get to school as I sit in traffic and eat my oatmeal
- When I get off the freeway, I drive by two signs that say City of Hope….and in my cheesy mind frame, I am so blessed as I feel I have had nothing but hope that something dynamic would happen in my career as I had to look for a new job. Daily, twice as I drive to my school I am reminded of the hope that I had and still do have!
- My staff has been very accommodating most have taught between 10-30 years, I guess that is a big range (two teachers I think are on their second year)
- The new thing on top of all new encounters I’ve been though, I decided to create a really sweet library in my classroom this year. I impress myself. I cannot wait for the students to see it tomorrow!
- I met some of my students last week at a Back to School, but not really event. They were sweet. Already giving me hugs.
- I work in a highly low income, reduced/free lunch, ELL population, but something that I am and have never been opposed to
- There are many things I have to incorporate in my classroom that in the past I did but never had to demonstrate evidence the way I have to now, but I guess I am flexible, and it will make me a better educator!
- I am the only teacher in upper grade that does not have an LCD projector hanging from the ceiling with a document camera. Since the first day of discovering my loss, I have been on the search. God thing for sure…my neighbor who is the literacy coach gave me her personal projector to use, while I am taking the doc. camera from the computer lab until it is needed. The staff is making fun of me since I know the most about the tech tools, yet have a classroom with little technology! There is a lesson, not sure what it is yet, maybe that I have to ask!
- Everyday I have to be out of my room by 4, that is when the alarm is set. This is difficult for me. I have already accidently set off the school alarm and the neighborhood new that I had arrived!
- I am looking forward to diving into a new year of teaching and the idea that I have a group of students to love starting tomorrow and consistently for the next nine months!
Aslo, Gflo has brain surgery tomorrow. She is waking up early to drive with Mom and UG to Sacramento. - She is weak and scared. The docs are weaning her off her “happy pills” so she is just ok and sounds different that she did last week.
- Everyone is getting more emotional and teary
- My prayer is that she does not suffer as this is really the beginning of a battle to flight.
- It is bizarre, the fam has encountered such attack, something I like to call spiritual yuckiness.
- Here are examples: Between my mom, sis, Gflo and I in a matter of three days….a h2o heater corroded and went out, messed up the floor and walls, all pipes connecting to h2o heater have to be replaced. Two different garages broken (I got trapped in mine!) An alarm system broke. Chair for GFlo broke. Sliding Door broke. Dead car battery twice. The list could go on, but something that I quickly became aware of was the idea that we need to have perspective and the armor on for sure! Amazing things that have also happened: Mom’s friend translated a parent letter for me in Spanish, fast! Mom figured out internet solution at GFlo’s. Mom found some referrals for her eye surgery (guess the cataracts decided to act up now!) There are more, but needless to say it has been slightly crazy, but I think distractions are sometimes good.
Monday, August 17, 2009
The adventure has begun....and I know where!
Weeek 10
Proverbs 2
My child, listen to what I say,
and treasure my commands.
Tune your ears to wisdom,
Tune your ears to wisdom,
and concentrate on understanding.
Cry out for insight,
and ask for understanding.
Search for them as you would for silver;
seek them like hidden treasures.
Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,
and you will gain knowledge of God.
For the Lord grants wisdom!
From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.
He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
He guards the paths of the just
and protects those who are faithful to him.
Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,
Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,
and you will find the right way to go.
For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will fill you with joy.
Wise choices will watch over you.
Understanding will keep you safe.
Saturday I received the absolute for sure from Steve and Moko that if I wanted to go to Japan to teach the job was mine. This is when I contacted very close friends of mine to start praying hard for me, where I could have discernment and absolute wisdom with my heart rather then emotions. I wanted a decision by Monday, for I did not want to string Duarte along in the dark and suddenly say never mind about the job offer I received.
I connected with Steve to get the info of the teacher who decided to not go back to Japan, for I wanted to know why from her mouth. Within an hour of me emailing, Jennifer, she called me on the phone. From there we talked a good hour, with my request of asking her the good, bad, and ugly of her experience. Teaching in Japan was one of the most rewarding experiences for her. She wished she could cookie cut the job in Japan and place it anywhere in the world. I got lit up as she was on fire about the teaching experience alone. When I asked her about the community and support from other foreign teachers who joined her in the challenge and stretching experience of Japan, she began to tell me the reason why Japan will not see her this year. Moka hired 6 teachers. Of the teachers three of the guys were, as Jennifer explained, pretty much disgusting/inconsiderate and crude/cross in their everyday verbal communication, something she realized when she got home and how much there crude disrespectful humor rubbed off on her. The other two teachers are pretty much an isolated couple. Jennifer explained in the many days of free time she tried to connect with the Japanese, but it was hard and lonely. She described herself as an extravert, and decided at one point to hop on trains and just do her own thing by herself to explore. My convo with Jennifer was very informative and I was grateful for it.
As I reflected back on my original criteria list and long multiple conversation with Steve of what it will take for me to go to Japan, I realized a huge hole was in the area of community, one of the largest and most important factors for me. I am confident I can meet and make friends anywhere, make the best of any situation, and pull through when it is easy or hard, but because I had insight on the community of teachers I was going to be living with, it made me hesitate. Typically, in life I have never had insight of who I’d work with, but away from work I have always had a community around me. In Japan it is different.
Prior to making a decision, many have thought instantly with my situation that I needed to go to Duarte. But I really wanted to seek the Lord for wisdom of what to do. I am fully aware of my role in my family, yet my perspective is God, then family. I am not closed to the idea of teaching abroad one day, but I am going to choose to work in Duarte this year as a 4th grade teacher and stay in California! Today I can sign my contract, get a key to the room and see what I have in store for my future!
This summer I have learned many lessons to trust in the Lord with all my heart as he directed my paths. I was reminded through my 6 years of drilled “God First” mentality, I did have that mentality as I tried to discover the what’ s next of my great adventures of life. I still believe that the adventure has just begun, and this year’s going to be one that is dynamically amazing as I embrace this change that I would have never pictured for myself. As I reflect on the past 10 weeks of my summer “vacation,” I am reminded of the verses in Ephesians 5:1-2 & 15-17 as I started my crazy ideas and quest for a purposeful job aligned with the passions of my heart:
“Follow God’s example in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love for others following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was sweet like perfume to him.” “So be careful how you live, not as fools, but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.”
Today this is what I will do!
Family Update!
Jamie and I had a fast 24 hour trip up north. We got to my grandma’s house 30 minutes after she got home from the hospital. She is very weak as she walks with a walker -often swerving to the left (a side effect of the brain cancer on her right side of the brain), wears pull ups, left side of face is sagging, breathes with her mouth open-as it is hard for her to have deep breaths, and pretty much sits in her chair and still smokes. She was thrilled Jamie and I were there. She thought Grant and Emma were going to be there too, so we teased her because we are now mince meat compared to the great-greats! The hospital lost Gflo’s glasses, so she wears her sun glasses in the house, something that quickly became a joke. We taught Gflo how to do the Fonzy, shakin her head and putting her thumbs up as one hand slightly takes the glasses off as she says, “COOL!” A huge thing we did was learn to make whole made tortillas and clean out 2 of 4 closets filled of 77 years worth of clothes. I was over the top with gittyness as I began to try on the outfits that were obviously ghetto, asking Gflo in all seriousness if I could have the outfits to make a new impression for my new job! The best was finding orphaned single shoes and asking her what she wanted us to do with them! Our trip was extremely fast, but action packed. Health wise mom and UG are deciding what to do next, maybe a second opinion with Sac town based on multiple hours of phone conversations my mom had with specialists. The goal with Gflo is to stay positive, bring in humor and spend time with her. Meanwhile, my sis and I are working out a conflict that arose during our 24 hour Patterson visit with my dad’s side of the fam, as they were royally upset that Jamie and I did not consider the fact to stop by their house (about two miles from Gflo and visit). Honestly, that was the last thought on my mind! Understandable, but awkward! Jamie wants to spend her b-day up there so I am sure there will be more trips up north!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
This is the Juciest One Yet!!!
Week 8
By week 8, I was over my mind consuming jobless situation and what’s next, but still had random ideas to press on, I guess one would say. I finally was at a place to write many letters of thanks to my Cullen staff and district. It was good for me to completely express myself and show my appreciation, as in June, it was hard and avoided. At this point, I decided all my interviews in West Covina were good practice, as the result of no job offers (which I am grateful in some ways, for in the three interviews I had, my gut was unsettled). Because I had a fun-filled-action-packed week planned, Sunday night I decided to fill out paperwork to sub through Glendora. To sub, would be my absolute last result job situation. I procrastinated long enough, so I finally responded the Glendora sub paperwork lady. The TB results I had were out of date, but I sent them in anyway, knowing she’d probably call me on it…this was when I began to ponder as I was falling asleep how my insurance was going to be cut soon...so I pondered my insurance backup plans. To maximize the current health insurance I never use, I came up with the brilliant idea to call the doc office Monday AM to update my medical records since it had been a long time.
The after explaining over the phone I needed to have updates stat to the nurses they finally gave into my plea. Going to the doc for me is like listening to someone take their fingernails and scrape them on a chalk board. My mind gets carried away with needles and blood, I get cold sweats, and typically faint. My great adventure to do one whole shabang of a doc visit turned into four different visits!
Doc visit #1:
I am explaining to the nurse that I need updates on everything. She looks at my chart and agrees. I then tell her of my psychological doc office visit-like symptoms. She laughs at and with me, but I told her I was serious. I then proceed to explain the faint prevention plan that works best for me. I first ask for a wet paper towel to place on my forehead, and ask her not to tell me what is going on and worse case scenario, my shoes need to be taken off. We were game, so I thought. I had a physical prior to the blood work/shots. So I am chilling in my paper clothes. I am healthy as can be, the doc says she was going to get a nurse to do the shots and blood work, I am game, yet as I am sitting up listening to the doc, I immediately said I don’t feel too hot, and what do you know, I faint, remember in my paper clothes! I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me! I did fall back (if I would have fallen forward the moon would have come out early!) the doc gave up on me and said I had to come back for a second visit.
Doc visit #2:
Yet again, I fasted. Choosing to sleep in rather than wake up prior to doc visit to run five miles. Get in the room, the nurse and I chuckle as she remembered my faint precaution awareness procedures. I am laying down, paper towel in hand on forehead. I made it through the first arm of torture. Couple shots and blood work. Then the nurse moved to my other arm, I got through the shots, and then she tried to take blood. My veins are deep and I explained that to the nurse, and reminded her, the less I know the better. She did not get the concept I guess, as I knew she was getting frustrated poking around, and moving the needle in my arm. I knew I was going to my black faint land soon, I gave her a five second warning, and what do you know I fainted again! Yet, again, I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me!
Doc visit #3:
Because I had to reschedule my first doc appointment, my TB test result reading day was messed up, so I had to make a new appointment for the TB shot. This time it was like clockwork, the nurse new what to do with my “special” shot needs…and I did not faint! By now everyone is beginning to recognize me and giggle when I walk by them! Oh man!
Doc visit #4:
I am clean. I was evaluated and came back healthy and now am officially up-to-date! All for the sake of my future job that I was unsure of! I laughed as I left the office, it is almost like I made new friends! I should have made them cookies or something! Maybe a Christmas card exchange! Hahaha
I also started my scuba school, sweating as I passed the five written tests. I love tests! My total strength! = ( I now will continue to go on a few more dives and I think I am good to go. It is such an incredible feeling breathing underwater!
By the end of this week I began to have some understandings of why, where and what I needed to do. I knew the West Covina door was closed. I also began to realize why the Japan door was also closed through the JoyTalk agency. Maybe, the idea of speaking Japanese was one thing I could not control, but kept me from going. Also, my grandma was getting worse, where my mom basically went from Africa to my grandma’s house and has been there all summer. I thought that maybe I was supposed to be in CA to help out rather then Japan, but the Duarte door was still half open and closed. In my heart, I knew week 9 was the time I was going to hear from Duarte based on previous conversations, but at the same time I was told things and then there was no follow through.
One thing that really hit me this week was the idea of hiding/taking refuge in the Lord. The concept of finding refuge and turn my thoughts back to the Lord. I am feeling weak, and uncertain, yet, I have not lost hope and certainty of the Lord. I am confident through this change I am growing in ways I would not choose freely! There are so many Psalms where David is feeling like he needs protection, to be rescued, or is facing an army of enemies, but each Psalm explains the character of David and Christ. David, no matter how tough it gets, keeps his mind on the Lord. The Lord is a shield, lifts our heads high, is a protector, provider, and gives strength. God has never failed me.
Week 9
I started this week with the mentality I needed to think about a job again. I looked for a while again on the edjoin website to check the availability of jobs, but as I have noticed since the start, there are none.
Monday and Tuesday were huge monumental days. Randomly, I get a call from the wife of the Duarte Superintendent (who worked with me at Cullen). Small chat at first and then, got to the punch line of my job situation. After she realized I did not have a job, the convo was soon over, and she said it was possible I’d hear from Duarte that same day. I did get some clarity and understanding of why I was treated the way I was with the Duarte principal. Basically, the week I was in Oregon, when I got the phone call to do a demo lesson, the superintendent’s mother passed away and he was out of the office for a period of time. When the principal needed his advice of what to do with me, he was in no place to be reached. I am not justifying the principal’s actions, but she went with what she saw, I guess needing to make a decision, and since I was not there, I was easily taken out of the picture, unless something opened up mid August. I harbor no bitter feelings toward her or the district. It is just the way it was!
Monday, mid-afternoon, I get a phone call from the personnel of Duarte. She offered me a 4th grade teaching job at the school I interviewed for with the principal whom I talked to several times. Yipppppppeeeeeeee! It has happened! Good News! The job is a temp job, which means, I have a year-to-year contract. The 4th grade teacher I am replacing is going to another school to help with their test scores and then come back the following year, is the information I received. No matter what I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach! I would say I am an expert on what the contract is. One day the contract will work in my favor on the other side! Then she asked me when I could come in and start paperwork! I set up a time for the next day! As I hung up the phone, what do you know a lil tear started to come down! It was like this huge burden had been lifted off my shoulder! I was trying to compose myself, and my phone rang again, seconds later, it was the principal to congratulate me and welcome me. She said school started Sept. 8th or 9th, I can’t remember, and if I wanted to pick up a key the 17th I could. By the time I talked to her I was really overwhelmed, but we chatted for a while! Funny, because prior to teaching 5th grade at Cullen, I had 2 years of experience with 4th graders in Hacienda La Puente. I loved the age, and the curriculum of what they learn! This is God’s hand, I know! Very exciting! I also would be working along the side of a teacher whom I worked with at Cullen who was also a temp and let go!
About twenty minutes after that I got another phone call from my mom for an update on my Grandma. After her MRI that morning (to figure out why the left side of my grandma was being favored), the doc called her on the way home requesting her to pack a bag, for they found a mass on her brain and wanted to monitor it with her spending the night in the hospital as seizures are pretty common, and they wanted to avoid that! It turns out that my grandma has brain cancer called Butterfly Glioma. This would explain a lot of what my mom and I have witnessed this summer as we have gone up to assess her health situations. The brain cancer is on both sides of her brain, mainly on the right side. The mass is so big that it is inoperable. The best treatment recommended to her is radiation (for several weeks daily) and oral chemo I believe for life. She is already weak, but wants to fight the battle of cancer. Not only has the 77year old been diagnosed with brain cancer, she has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, emphysema, and has smoked her entire life resulting in her lungs to have the age of a 99 year old. My sis and I have not made a complete plan yet, but are going to be up north sometime this week prior to treatment. UG has already gone up north, as my grandma lights up when a man walks in the room. Unfortunately or fortunately, after talking with him, he decided to check himself in rehab, this week when he gets home! I guess that is good, considering the action going on. Can it get any crazier! When it pours it rains, but wait there is more!
A few hours later, as I am checking my email before going to bed, I get this email.
Erin,
I just got a call from one of the AETs in Moka and she is now home inIllinois. She has decided she does not want to go back to Moka. That meansI will need to find another teacher for her position. Are you still interested? I have not contacted Moka yet. Let me know whatyou think before I call over to Japan.
Steve
Moka was my number one choice to teach in Japan, but was extinguished quicker then I had the idea in my head. It was a sweet situation. As the sister city of Glendora, the program pays the teachers, and takes care of housing (as the teachers all live in a little community together), flights, an allowance for bills etc. I would basically come out on top. There are only six teachers that the program will hire. When I first looked in the program, in June, the 6 teachers who taught last year resigned their contracts for a second year. As I thought I still wanted to teach in Japan, I looked at the Joytalk agency (recommended to me from Moka) and applied with the knowledge that Moko was a much better deal, as I would barely break even through Joytalk. Really, the money did not matter to me, it was more of the ministry and experience. In my head, God would have provided. Then I get this crazy email that says Moka can be a possible option again….the same exact day that Duarte offered me a 4th grade teaching position…the same exact time I find out my grandma has brain cancer!!! I thought I was overwhelmed, but yikes, maybe now I am overwhelmed!
The Lord is my refuge, provider, and strength. I still have a peace and know God has big plans. I am in a win- win situation. But now I need to really sit and assess the situation. I have not communicated with Duarte about Moka, as they were the first to call me and I thought Japan was not an option. I am trying to make my personal deadline of contract signing commitment Monday, which will give me time to figure out what really is going on with Moka- aka if everything is truly a possibility, the family, and really what God wants me to do and how he best wants to use me aligned with my passions. Even though there are now options with a closer certainty compared to before, I am still in the same place of waiting on the Lord for complete assurance and discernment! Though it all, I have a feeling this year is going to be a dynamic year!
By week 8, I was over my mind consuming jobless situation and what’s next, but still had random ideas to press on, I guess one would say. I finally was at a place to write many letters of thanks to my Cullen staff and district. It was good for me to completely express myself and show my appreciation, as in June, it was hard and avoided. At this point, I decided all my interviews in West Covina were good practice, as the result of no job offers (which I am grateful in some ways, for in the three interviews I had, my gut was unsettled). Because I had a fun-filled-action-packed week planned, Sunday night I decided to fill out paperwork to sub through Glendora. To sub, would be my absolute last result job situation. I procrastinated long enough, so I finally responded the Glendora sub paperwork lady. The TB results I had were out of date, but I sent them in anyway, knowing she’d probably call me on it…this was when I began to ponder as I was falling asleep how my insurance was going to be cut soon...so I pondered my insurance backup plans. To maximize the current health insurance I never use, I came up with the brilliant idea to call the doc office Monday AM to update my medical records since it had been a long time.
The after explaining over the phone I needed to have updates stat to the nurses they finally gave into my plea. Going to the doc for me is like listening to someone take their fingernails and scrape them on a chalk board. My mind gets carried away with needles and blood, I get cold sweats, and typically faint. My great adventure to do one whole shabang of a doc visit turned into four different visits!
Doc visit #1:
I am explaining to the nurse that I need updates on everything. She looks at my chart and agrees. I then tell her of my psychological doc office visit-like symptoms. She laughs at and with me, but I told her I was serious. I then proceed to explain the faint prevention plan that works best for me. I first ask for a wet paper towel to place on my forehead, and ask her not to tell me what is going on and worse case scenario, my shoes need to be taken off. We were game, so I thought. I had a physical prior to the blood work/shots. So I am chilling in my paper clothes. I am healthy as can be, the doc says she was going to get a nurse to do the shots and blood work, I am game, yet as I am sitting up listening to the doc, I immediately said I don’t feel too hot, and what do you know, I faint, remember in my paper clothes! I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me! I did fall back (if I would have fallen forward the moon would have come out early!) the doc gave up on me and said I had to come back for a second visit.
Doc visit #2:
Yet again, I fasted. Choosing to sleep in rather than wake up prior to doc visit to run five miles. Get in the room, the nurse and I chuckle as she remembered my faint precaution awareness procedures. I am laying down, paper towel in hand on forehead. I made it through the first arm of torture. Couple shots and blood work. Then the nurse moved to my other arm, I got through the shots, and then she tried to take blood. My veins are deep and I explained that to the nurse, and reminded her, the less I know the better. She did not get the concept I guess, as I knew she was getting frustrated poking around, and moving the needle in my arm. I knew I was going to my black faint land soon, I gave her a five second warning, and what do you know I fainted again! Yet, again, I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me!
Doc visit #3:
Because I had to reschedule my first doc appointment, my TB test result reading day was messed up, so I had to make a new appointment for the TB shot. This time it was like clockwork, the nurse new what to do with my “special” shot needs…and I did not faint! By now everyone is beginning to recognize me and giggle when I walk by them! Oh man!
Doc visit #4:
I am clean. I was evaluated and came back healthy and now am officially up-to-date! All for the sake of my future job that I was unsure of! I laughed as I left the office, it is almost like I made new friends! I should have made them cookies or something! Maybe a Christmas card exchange! Hahaha
I also started my scuba school, sweating as I passed the five written tests. I love tests! My total strength! = ( I now will continue to go on a few more dives and I think I am good to go. It is such an incredible feeling breathing underwater!
By the end of this week I began to have some understandings of why, where and what I needed to do. I knew the West Covina door was closed. I also began to realize why the Japan door was also closed through the JoyTalk agency. Maybe, the idea of speaking Japanese was one thing I could not control, but kept me from going. Also, my grandma was getting worse, where my mom basically went from Africa to my grandma’s house and has been there all summer. I thought that maybe I was supposed to be in CA to help out rather then Japan, but the Duarte door was still half open and closed. In my heart, I knew week 9 was the time I was going to hear from Duarte based on previous conversations, but at the same time I was told things and then there was no follow through.
One thing that really hit me this week was the idea of hiding/taking refuge in the Lord. The concept of finding refuge and turn my thoughts back to the Lord. I am feeling weak, and uncertain, yet, I have not lost hope and certainty of the Lord. I am confident through this change I am growing in ways I would not choose freely! There are so many Psalms where David is feeling like he needs protection, to be rescued, or is facing an army of enemies, but each Psalm explains the character of David and Christ. David, no matter how tough it gets, keeps his mind on the Lord. The Lord is a shield, lifts our heads high, is a protector, provider, and gives strength. God has never failed me.
Week 9
I started this week with the mentality I needed to think about a job again. I looked for a while again on the edjoin website to check the availability of jobs, but as I have noticed since the start, there are none.
Monday and Tuesday were huge monumental days. Randomly, I get a call from the wife of the Duarte Superintendent (who worked with me at Cullen). Small chat at first and then, got to the punch line of my job situation. After she realized I did not have a job, the convo was soon over, and she said it was possible I’d hear from Duarte that same day. I did get some clarity and understanding of why I was treated the way I was with the Duarte principal. Basically, the week I was in Oregon, when I got the phone call to do a demo lesson, the superintendent’s mother passed away and he was out of the office for a period of time. When the principal needed his advice of what to do with me, he was in no place to be reached. I am not justifying the principal’s actions, but she went with what she saw, I guess needing to make a decision, and since I was not there, I was easily taken out of the picture, unless something opened up mid August. I harbor no bitter feelings toward her or the district. It is just the way it was!
Monday, mid-afternoon, I get a phone call from the personnel of Duarte. She offered me a 4th grade teaching job at the school I interviewed for with the principal whom I talked to several times. Yipppppppeeeeeeee! It has happened! Good News! The job is a temp job, which means, I have a year-to-year contract. The 4th grade teacher I am replacing is going to another school to help with their test scores and then come back the following year, is the information I received. No matter what I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach! I would say I am an expert on what the contract is. One day the contract will work in my favor on the other side! Then she asked me when I could come in and start paperwork! I set up a time for the next day! As I hung up the phone, what do you know a lil tear started to come down! It was like this huge burden had been lifted off my shoulder! I was trying to compose myself, and my phone rang again, seconds later, it was the principal to congratulate me and welcome me. She said school started Sept. 8th or 9th, I can’t remember, and if I wanted to pick up a key the 17th I could. By the time I talked to her I was really overwhelmed, but we chatted for a while! Funny, because prior to teaching 5th grade at Cullen, I had 2 years of experience with 4th graders in Hacienda La Puente. I loved the age, and the curriculum of what they learn! This is God’s hand, I know! Very exciting! I also would be working along the side of a teacher whom I worked with at Cullen who was also a temp and let go!
About twenty minutes after that I got another phone call from my mom for an update on my Grandma. After her MRI that morning (to figure out why the left side of my grandma was being favored), the doc called her on the way home requesting her to pack a bag, for they found a mass on her brain and wanted to monitor it with her spending the night in the hospital as seizures are pretty common, and they wanted to avoid that! It turns out that my grandma has brain cancer called Butterfly Glioma. This would explain a lot of what my mom and I have witnessed this summer as we have gone up to assess her health situations. The brain cancer is on both sides of her brain, mainly on the right side. The mass is so big that it is inoperable. The best treatment recommended to her is radiation (for several weeks daily) and oral chemo I believe for life. She is already weak, but wants to fight the battle of cancer. Not only has the 77year old been diagnosed with brain cancer, she has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, emphysema, and has smoked her entire life resulting in her lungs to have the age of a 99 year old. My sis and I have not made a complete plan yet, but are going to be up north sometime this week prior to treatment. UG has already gone up north, as my grandma lights up when a man walks in the room. Unfortunately or fortunately, after talking with him, he decided to check himself in rehab, this week when he gets home! I guess that is good, considering the action going on. Can it get any crazier! When it pours it rains, but wait there is more!
A few hours later, as I am checking my email before going to bed, I get this email.
Erin,
I just got a call from one of the AETs in Moka and she is now home inIllinois. She has decided she does not want to go back to Moka. That meansI will need to find another teacher for her position. Are you still interested? I have not contacted Moka yet. Let me know whatyou think before I call over to Japan.
Steve
Moka was my number one choice to teach in Japan, but was extinguished quicker then I had the idea in my head. It was a sweet situation. As the sister city of Glendora, the program pays the teachers, and takes care of housing (as the teachers all live in a little community together), flights, an allowance for bills etc. I would basically come out on top. There are only six teachers that the program will hire. When I first looked in the program, in June, the 6 teachers who taught last year resigned their contracts for a second year. As I thought I still wanted to teach in Japan, I looked at the Joytalk agency (recommended to me from Moka) and applied with the knowledge that Moko was a much better deal, as I would barely break even through Joytalk. Really, the money did not matter to me, it was more of the ministry and experience. In my head, God would have provided. Then I get this crazy email that says Moka can be a possible option again….the same exact day that Duarte offered me a 4th grade teaching position…the same exact time I find out my grandma has brain cancer!!! I thought I was overwhelmed, but yikes, maybe now I am overwhelmed!
The Lord is my refuge, provider, and strength. I still have a peace and know God has big plans. I am in a win- win situation. But now I need to really sit and assess the situation. I have not communicated with Duarte about Moka, as they were the first to call me and I thought Japan was not an option. I am trying to make my personal deadline of contract signing commitment Monday, which will give me time to figure out what really is going on with Moka- aka if everything is truly a possibility, the family, and really what God wants me to do and how he best wants to use me aligned with my passions. Even though there are now options with a closer certainty compared to before, I am still in the same place of waiting on the Lord for complete assurance and discernment! Though it all, I have a feeling this year is going to be a dynamic year!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Week 7 Tuesday
The 2nd interview with West Covina was good. Last week I had the interview with the principal and one other lady (can’t remember her title…maybe a ESL specialist), while this time two 5th grade teachers were added to the mix. The principal asked me the same questions she asked me last week. I pretty much responded verbatim of the previous interview, minus the “state testing foot-in-the-mouth” statements. Ha! One of the 5th grade teachers is my mom’s ageish, while the other one is around my age or maybe younger. They were polite, but at times I wondered if they were forced to be there. As I answered the questions, they nodded their heads and agreed with me on many of my statements. One looked down quite often, while the other stared at me with little to no facial expressions (my interpretation of her thinking I was nuts with too much energy!) The principal was the only one who really talked, unless I asked a question directed toward the teachers, while the same side kick person took notes. There were times where I would begin to talk getting really passionate with my hands and my face, lighting up, discussing how and why teaching is such an awesome opportunity to create strong relationships and confidence for a child to learn. I felt during the interview there were times the group was in their la la land. At one point I even asked them if they were ok….this might be the only moment, this interview, where I might have over stepped my boundaries. Otherwise, I think I did ok, but who knows. I will know in a week, one way or another, so they say. I just felt when I left there was no spark there! My roomie and I have been in so many situations the past few weeks where the joke has been to let our “God spark go crazy” and shine on….while meeting other people the spark in their eye is what I am looking for, whether it is because it is summer, they are wearing their favorite shoes…just something of passion! My gut tells me there is a better place for me, but we will see I could be wrong. Maybe West Covina is where God wants to use me. I have to remember: God is going to do incredible things through this whole shabang, keep trusting Him with patience, and cling to the journey of faith.
Meanwhile, the Duarte flame might be rekindled, not quite sure. After receiving a phone call today, I do know there are phone calls going around about me to figure out where the Duarte principal was going with her thought process with me. I really have no idea what will happen, but I am game to chill and wait for a while with the information of possible openings she informed me of. It is hard for me to take no for an answer.
It was a big week and there is so much more left to enjoy, I think I’m going to take a break and not think about my future till next week!
No Japan update, unless I sleep with headphones mesmerizing me in the native language to quickly learn Japanese!
Maybe…I will go to culinary school in Italy if everything bombs. Oh this is fun! hehehe
Meanwhile, the Duarte flame might be rekindled, not quite sure. After receiving a phone call today, I do know there are phone calls going around about me to figure out where the Duarte principal was going with her thought process with me. I really have no idea what will happen, but I am game to chill and wait for a while with the information of possible openings she informed me of. It is hard for me to take no for an answer.
It was a big week and there is so much more left to enjoy, I think I’m going to take a break and not think about my future till next week!
No Japan update, unless I sleep with headphones mesmerizing me in the native language to quickly learn Japanese!
Maybe…I will go to culinary school in Italy if everything bombs. Oh this is fun! hehehe
Monday, July 27, 2009
Week 7 Monday
I am back from my trip to Oregon, which was wonderful! I booked my ticket the week after school was out in June, knowing it would be my one out of state trip of the summer. I figured the middle of June would be a good time to leave rather than August. I crossed my fingers and hoped the trip timing would not conflict with any possibilities of jobs. I was wrong for two different positions and was able to fix one, but also lost an opportunity: 1. I had to change my original departure time for a later time to make an interview with West Covina the morning I left. That worked out fine. The principal found out and asked me about it. Slightly awkward, but I guess it demonstrated my quest for a teaching job. 2. I missed a demo lesson the Duarte principal set up to witness the quality teachers she interviewed to make a decision of whom to hire (I found out about this opportunity after I left, the principal told me to call her when I returned).
Now in CA, I decided to follow up with the principal in Duarte to see what I need to do for her to see that I am capable of teaching and love it! As I talked to the Duarte principal, she decided there was no need to have me do a demo lesson, aka she had filled the position I applied for while in Oregon after watching others demo their teaching. This is so frustrating to me! But on the business perspective I get it, yet I was under the impression she would give me a chance to demo teach when I got back-which I understand she in no means had to. She mentioned she had 2 more possible openings (2nd and 4th grade) in August, but was not positive based on a few factors and to keep looking around. She mentioned my interview, references, follow-up references, etc. were good and knew I was a good/quality teacher, and because of that IF there are openings in August she will call me as one of her firsts. I flat out asked her if not being at the school for a demo lesson affected me, and she basically said yes. UHHHHHHH is how I feel right about now. I, in no means regret my trip. And that is when she mentioned I had no control of the situation and the idea that she would call me as I was in route to Oregon. I am not bitter toward the principal or her system to choose. I am just sad that it was a system decided too late for me to be apart of. The Duarte door is not all the way closed, but it is beginning to look that way.
A few lessons in life I think I have mastered are anything with control. I realize I have no control over anything. And this is a lesson I thought I mastered after having to deal with death first hand. I guess it is going to hit all areas of my life. The only control I have is over me. This is hard. I have hit the wall of emotions and definitely have cried a few times throughout today. Over the past few weeks, I have acclimated to the idea I was going to be teaching in Duarte as a 5th grade teacher. I get the whole doors open and closed concept from God. I get he has, thank God, everything under CONTROL. I definitely trust him and in a weird way still have peace. I am just getting weary of this whole process to follow the passions of my heart, because of ridiculous situations yet again, I have no control over, just me. I will be teaching, just don’t know how quite yet! There are reasons for everything, I just don’t always have the answers.
Tomorrow I have my 2nd interview with West Covina, I am grateful for an opportunity, I now need to move West Covina up on my priority list, and see if this is a door that will open or close.
No news from Japan.
Now in CA, I decided to follow up with the principal in Duarte to see what I need to do for her to see that I am capable of teaching and love it! As I talked to the Duarte principal, she decided there was no need to have me do a demo lesson, aka she had filled the position I applied for while in Oregon after watching others demo their teaching. This is so frustrating to me! But on the business perspective I get it, yet I was under the impression she would give me a chance to demo teach when I got back-which I understand she in no means had to. She mentioned she had 2 more possible openings (2nd and 4th grade) in August, but was not positive based on a few factors and to keep looking around. She mentioned my interview, references, follow-up references, etc. were good and knew I was a good/quality teacher, and because of that IF there are openings in August she will call me as one of her firsts. I flat out asked her if not being at the school for a demo lesson affected me, and she basically said yes. UHHHHHHH is how I feel right about now. I, in no means regret my trip. And that is when she mentioned I had no control of the situation and the idea that she would call me as I was in route to Oregon. I am not bitter toward the principal or her system to choose. I am just sad that it was a system decided too late for me to be apart of. The Duarte door is not all the way closed, but it is beginning to look that way.
A few lessons in life I think I have mastered are anything with control. I realize I have no control over anything. And this is a lesson I thought I mastered after having to deal with death first hand. I guess it is going to hit all areas of my life. The only control I have is over me. This is hard. I have hit the wall of emotions and definitely have cried a few times throughout today. Over the past few weeks, I have acclimated to the idea I was going to be teaching in Duarte as a 5th grade teacher. I get the whole doors open and closed concept from God. I get he has, thank God, everything under CONTROL. I definitely trust him and in a weird way still have peace. I am just getting weary of this whole process to follow the passions of my heart, because of ridiculous situations yet again, I have no control over, just me. I will be teaching, just don’t know how quite yet! There are reasons for everything, I just don’t always have the answers.
Tomorrow I have my 2nd interview with West Covina, I am grateful for an opportunity, I now need to move West Covina up on my priority list, and see if this is a door that will open or close.
No news from Japan.
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