*I started to type this summer of 2010 as I reflected life…between my many adventures…and lack of a computer….I am coming back to post what I saved and wrote….I started with the end of May 2010 and wrapped it up with the end of August 2010!
REFLECT BABY. Teachers are advised to reflect upon all they do in order to tweak, chuck, stay the same or improve an idea. I am overboard and take the advice not only for my teaching, but life, especially now as I am in a familiar/unfamiliar place of the great unknown, yet again.
HOPE. The idea of living with BIG TIME HOPE started last year at this time for me, and then the idea pretty much trickled into all aspects of life as the months went by. Hope started with finding a new teaching job, the discoveries of what God had in store for me as a professional, and then the concept of hope relating to life, one well lived, as I watched both GFlo and Emily’s lives quickly be overtaken through cancer and disease. Despite the ups and downs, holding onto hope, the hope that comes from God is what I only could find comfort in. For me, life combined with hope is a journey of adventurous lessons. The only must do: recognize where the hope comes from, and cling on tightly.
SPECTRUM OF ESQUELA. At the end of the 2009-2010 school year, I was certain God was going to provide a place for me to teach, although I did not want leave my current place of teaching, but had no choice. Beyond, my imagination God provided, and in all places, the City of Hope! I get now, why I was not supposed to go to Japan, I cannot believe how close I was to going! Oh the giggles! I quickly learned the students who were in my class were supposed to be in my life. Though, there were times where I was not comfortable, my professional ethics were tested, and I was on my own, I knew God had me right where I needed to be.
I learned valuable lessons in the role of an educator this past year, ultimately making a better teacher McGee. My students continued to test how much more would I love them. They were given a consistent faith, where I continued to instill in them they could do anything with their lives. At home and in previous years, most of my students were taught with a different type of communication compared to what I demonstrated in the classroom. The students who made me go, “hmmmmmmmm????” at the beginning of the school year, were my biggest “ahhhhhhhhhhssss!!!!” at the end. I was able to build solid student/parent relationships, discover intense pain and trials students encountered as they openly shared through our designated “family time” and as I was getting ready to pass the students along, future plans were established to follow individual students for their many specialized needs to learn with a convinced partnership with parents in agreement to help their child to be more successful (which is the hardest part).
One huge lesson or strategy I will take with me (as God is in the process of letting me know the next location) hands down is the “weekly phone call”. I was frustrated parents would not approach me or talk to me about their child unless I went into their personal space and spanglished them to death! I understand there was a cultural barrier, but their child was my student and the parents needed to understand my philosophy of teaching included them to be my partner for the success of their child. Without a missed week, every Thursday at recess the students knew I would make phone calls. I kept track of what calls were made in order to make sure all students had equal “good” phone calls. If I had concerns with the students, I too, made those students stay in the classroom for the call home day. For the “good” calls, the individual students would stand next to me, listen to what I told their parent, and then I would pass the phone to the student to not only hear my praise, but get praise from their parent. And the melting of my heart it would do, to see the smile of the individual students as they heard their parent give them words of encouragement. My partnership with parents was becoming a success! For the “needs improvement” phone calls, I do not like to make them. To solve that issue, the students who needed an issue resolved had to call their parents in front of me with a script from me. It was glorious! For the Spanish Only families, I had the individual child translate for me. I wish this was a strategy that I started from the beginning, but helped mid year to even the last weeks of school.
Of course, it was hard to close another school year, gut the classroom, pack up-carting the gear back to my bedroom and not know what is next. The hardest was to say good-bye to my students, as there was so much invested. I’m not completely sure if it will be a possibility for me to go back to the City of Hope. At this point I have been thanked for my year of service, the timeline which I was aware of when I started, though, I wish I could follow my students, and loop with them another year. At this moment, I am not sure it is a possibility.
Now, as the school year is at a healthy close, I’m LOVEN summer, which I needed badly. I am in a similar place to what I encountered last year at this time. I have continued reminders of how God is in control and able to do anything as long as I have my foundation.
GOD IS ABLE. My classic reminder came from the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The common Sunday School story, which really is a pretty intense situation. S, M, and A would not bow down to the gold statue. Neb basically said, “Alrighty then, to the blazing furnace the three of you will go.” S, M, and A had extreme faith. They believed in God, who is able to take a situation that was wild and make his presence known. And that is what God did. S, M, and A, were thrown into the furnace. Based on studies, the furnace was so hott and deathly, the soldiers who threw “criminals” (according to Neb) in the furnace would even die. I am ok without that particular job! After S, M, and A were thrown into the furnace, Neb saw there were four people walking around unharmed. It is like God said to S, M, and A, “I will meet you in the furnace.” Neb saw the faith of S, M, and A. God used the situation to change Neb’s heart.
The idea of God meeting S, M, and A in the furnace can be illustrated and applied to life today with me. I can let God meet me in the heat of a moment. As I keep getting thrown into the furnace at the end of a school year (with the utmost uncertainty of what, where or how I will be teaching the following fall), I believe, as S, M, and A’s perspective, God is able. God is able to take the desires of my heart and make something happen with what he originally put there.
MY BARE FOUNDATION. In May, the living room down stairs was flooded. I was not the happiest camper. My entire wood floors down stairs needed to be torn up and replaced. When the cement foundation was visible it was obvious it needed to be aired out. What seemed like forever, we had to live with a cement foundation living room. Of course I continued to wonder what the God lesson in my torn up downstairs was. I figured it out as I was reading 1 Corinthians 3. Christ is my foundation. I can build on my foundation, but what is built may not always last, but as long as my foundation is firm and solid I will be ok. In the same way I relate that to teaching. I have my teaching foundation, though each year my duty is technically over in a specific location. As long as I have my foundation and desire I can take that with me where ever I go, and that is a comfort to me (although it is not my favorite situation).
GOD’S HAND, NO DOUBT. The idea of completely stressing over finding a job, I decided would not happen until the twenties of August. I turned in updated paperwork to Duarte and Glendora late July. One day, a parent of a student I had my second year of teaching at Cullen called me. She said Bonita was hiring and I should apply online. When I went on edjoin Bonita and Irvine were the only districts who were hiring elementary school teachers. I applied for both. Never hearing back from Irvine, I was ok with. Soon Bonita called me. They said they received over 500 applications, sorted them down to twenty and wanted a panel interview. At the same time out of the blue I received a call from Glendora. Glendora put my updated application in a pile to hire temp teachers. They too had over 500 applications and narrowed it down to ten and wanted to have an interview with me. In the same week I jumped between Bonita and Glendora for interviews. Bonita wanted a second interview, as they narrowed it down to their top ten. In a matter of a day, in the morning I was offered a 2nd grade position with Glendora and by the afternoon I was offered a 5th grade position in Bonita. I am certain God has his hands around me without hesitation and he is able to do anything. After prayer and a pro and con list, I decided to try a new district and become the temp 5th grade teacher in the Bonita Unified School District. I was hired, signed my contract, and got the keys to my classroom on a Friday afternoon. Moved into my classroom on Saturday and Sunday. School started Monday. The 2010-2011 school year began, and I was reminded, yet again without a doubt, God securely holds and takes care of me as I cling to Him, my unmoving foundation.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
June 9th
Today, I went on a field trip with my students. It was awesome. It is sort of like hanging out with 29 friends, well that are 9 and 10! I guess it is cool, because they appreciated the trip so much! They just get excited to ride a bus. And are so well behaved! Since this was our 4th field trip the kids know the routine. I immediately become a tour guide, since most of the kids have not been far away from home. One kid said, "So what cool thing are we going to see on the way to Riley's Farm?" Since there is not much, I said, "The amazing statue of Ms. McGee, and it is free!" They liked that! Simple things got them excited, as we talked about the University of Redlands and the idea that the area is known for Citrus. They were fasinated!
I knew when I student taught in Hacienda Heights, after a period of time, I would eventually work with a lower economic group. I knew I could be a huge impact in their lives and love on the kids. I consider my years in Glendora, my foundational and confidence buiding years, but I honestly knew and it was a matter of time, though it is still hard, and they were temperary years.
This year hands down was my hardest year in teaching, partically because of what happened in my personal life, but also because of the stories I learned of my students and some of the craziness some of them put me through. Just this week I yet again need to call a social worker because a student made a father's day card with 4-20 and marajana leaves, then talked about how there was nothing wrong with the picture because that is what her dad sells in their house! Oh man! This is the first time in my career, where I am feeling the saddest to have to say goodbye to my kids. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all my students over the years, but I am just to the point with my class where we really know each other very well. It is scary how well we all are close in a bizarre way. Though school will be out in a few weeks, I wish I could have three more months with my kids. I thought I would never say that! It is just hard. My mom put it nicely once, as she was going through her grieving class. Every year I go through a loss emotionally, as I have to say goodbye to my classes, and pack up my classroom as if I was not going back. This time the loss is harder to deal with, not because of the staff, but the kids. School is a safe place for them, and now they have no summer school and are going to be in their homes, where many parents dont want them there.
I am confident that God wanted me in Duarte this year. Really without any doubt, now. I have had many, many lessons, that have really made me a better professional. Not sure why it is me who has to keep learning lessons in my profession with a lack of consistancy and awareness of what the future holds, but there is a strong consistancy and desire to teach. I hold onto that with faith that the Lord will continue to provide for what is to come. By next week, I will be done with all the paperwork aspect of my job, and then it will be time, yet again to pack. God is in control, and good thing.
I knew when I student taught in Hacienda Heights, after a period of time, I would eventually work with a lower economic group. I knew I could be a huge impact in their lives and love on the kids. I consider my years in Glendora, my foundational and confidence buiding years, but I honestly knew and it was a matter of time, though it is still hard, and they were temperary years.
This year hands down was my hardest year in teaching, partically because of what happened in my personal life, but also because of the stories I learned of my students and some of the craziness some of them put me through. Just this week I yet again need to call a social worker because a student made a father's day card with 4-20 and marajana leaves, then talked about how there was nothing wrong with the picture because that is what her dad sells in their house! Oh man! This is the first time in my career, where I am feeling the saddest to have to say goodbye to my kids. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all my students over the years, but I am just to the point with my class where we really know each other very well. It is scary how well we all are close in a bizarre way. Though school will be out in a few weeks, I wish I could have three more months with my kids. I thought I would never say that! It is just hard. My mom put it nicely once, as she was going through her grieving class. Every year I go through a loss emotionally, as I have to say goodbye to my classes, and pack up my classroom as if I was not going back. This time the loss is harder to deal with, not because of the staff, but the kids. School is a safe place for them, and now they have no summer school and are going to be in their homes, where many parents dont want them there.
I am confident that God wanted me in Duarte this year. Really without any doubt, now. I have had many, many lessons, that have really made me a better professional. Not sure why it is me who has to keep learning lessons in my profession with a lack of consistancy and awareness of what the future holds, but there is a strong consistancy and desire to teach. I hold onto that with faith that the Lord will continue to provide for what is to come. By next week, I will be done with all the paperwork aspect of my job, and then it will be time, yet again to pack. God is in control, and good thing.
May 23rd Blessed be Your Name
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
The song I play over and over in the car is “Blessed be Your Name.” The lyrics really have hit home for me. I continue to think of the gift of life that I have along with new philosophies, or added on thoughts. I am also continuing to learn that in the journey of the life I am given, no matter what, when, how, why, where, how long, and with whom, I have to remember through it all-blessed be the name of the Lord! God is constant, he never changes and his promises written in the Bible are real and true. I have reminded myself of this concept, and I turn to God, and look to him for guidance and really strength, which leads to a priority check and gentile reminders rooted with hope and faith.
Emily going to heaven was really hard. It was something I knew was going to happen, yet I never really knew how it would be until it happened. The day she passed away was a crazy day. It was the day of the CF walk and all of Team Emily was together walking. I started crying at the registration table before anything started. I usually can keep a tear from falling, but I am beginning to think not anymore. The particular walk was one in which Emily really took ownership in, to get so many other teams involved to raise money for a cure for CF. I think this might have been the 10th year for the Team Emily walk. It was hard, for Emily was not there, or even knew it was happening. At the beginning of the program as the speakers spoke, it was hard to keep a tear from falling. Emily used to be the speaker. My sis kept tenderly rubbing my back, and then typical McGee style slapped me in the butt to make me laugh!
After the walk I got news that Emily was in a place where the docs gave her 24 hours, but really less. Her sort of Aunt told me to get in the car with her from the CF walk to go to the hospital. I decided to go home and call our small group so we could all be together. With Lena the six of us hung at Jill’s, since she was supposed to pop anytime, and pretty much waited for the phone call. The first phone call was to pray that she was going to be unplugged from all the machines. The second phone call was to ask to pray for an easy passing. The third phone call was to say she was in heaven. Emily is no longer struggling to get a breath of air, as for sure since November it had been difficult for her. She is not longer in ICU in critical condition for over three months. She is home, safely home.
What a testimony of a person Emily is, whose heart is solely one after God to fight so hard when her body failed her. The times that I was able to visit her she was coherent. The last time was especially hard as it was just the two of us in her room, she looking at me with big eyes, continuing to mouth over and over, “I love you,” with her lips, as she could not talk because of the trak. God was really there at that moment as she started to get tears wailing up in her eyes, God just put scripture in my mouth and had it flowing out to comfort her. Good thing God always shows up, or I’d be screwed! Ha!
Emily, though not here physically, continues to impact so many it is unreal! I think her family is realizing the true passions that Em shared with people whom they were unaware of, as now the many Emily had built relationships with are sharing the impact Emily had on their lives -obviously, the God sparks in Em! The memorial reflected most of what she wanted, though a long day. It was really nice to have Robin in town for the weekend and of course Lena. As there has been a tremendous amount of tears, deep deep inside I am going to be fine….and that of course is by the hand of God. Small group is going to be fine too, it is bizarre and feels like there is a huge hole with Emily missing, as for the past nine years we have met every week pretty consistently. Now we have a lil one to distract us for a while as we are still absorbing all that has happened the past few months! For small group, as a whole together, there has been a tremendous amount of life happenings we have discussed and giggled about that would happen in our future….the hardest part is to try to comprehend, that physically Emily will not be that 4th person in the photo or eating at gag me, don’t make me go, Soup Plantation. We know with certainty, the character of God has really been demonstrated through all this. His power, control and strength in my weakness has been there and still is. And all I have to say is thank goodness! And really, Blessed be His name!
Meanwhile, I have continued to be a 4th grade teacher, which still makes me giggle. I know that my job is a gift. I have certainty that God has me in Duarte this year for a reason. The whole concept of having hope through this school year is an ongoing process, as I have witnessed and have been apart of situations to grow me as a professional and person. My two project students became one. Unfortunately for one, he was expelled from the school. It is nice to not have as much trouble with a student, but really he was continuously being watched, as many were looking for an immediate reason to get rid of him, and it happened. As months have gone by, it turns out that the social worker who picked up this particular student’s case said his family has hereditary mental issues. Yeah! Crazy! Literally! And I thought I was the one who was nuts! Blessed be your name God! hehehe
My other project student, who used to do snow angles on the carpet in the front of the classroom, was also diagnosed. He was so unruly, I was desperate for change, and the office could do so much, and honestly they were tired of him too. I invited the student’s, mom to come everyday. She did, sitting right next to him. I purposely would change my teaching schedule in order for her to see how he acted up in all the different subjects. At this point she realized it was not me or the school against her child, but her child with a problem. She finally signed paperwork where we could test her son. She also went to her family doc to have him meet with a psychiatrist. The student was diagnosed as ADHD, bipolar, depressed and suicidal as he refers to death often! Yeah that’s crazy too! I have a little grace with this student now that there are some answers, but oh man! The rest of my students are great! I have seen so much growth in their confidence and academics, though we are still working on getting grade level! It is awesome to see how they are becoming more independent! This week is open house! Rumor has it that parents don’t all come, I am hoping to disprove the theory with my class. It should be interesting. We will see!
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
The song I play over and over in the car is “Blessed be Your Name.” The lyrics really have hit home for me. I continue to think of the gift of life that I have along with new philosophies, or added on thoughts. I am also continuing to learn that in the journey of the life I am given, no matter what, when, how, why, where, how long, and with whom, I have to remember through it all-blessed be the name of the Lord! God is constant, he never changes and his promises written in the Bible are real and true. I have reminded myself of this concept, and I turn to God, and look to him for guidance and really strength, which leads to a priority check and gentile reminders rooted with hope and faith.
Emily going to heaven was really hard. It was something I knew was going to happen, yet I never really knew how it would be until it happened. The day she passed away was a crazy day. It was the day of the CF walk and all of Team Emily was together walking. I started crying at the registration table before anything started. I usually can keep a tear from falling, but I am beginning to think not anymore. The particular walk was one in which Emily really took ownership in, to get so many other teams involved to raise money for a cure for CF. I think this might have been the 10th year for the Team Emily walk. It was hard, for Emily was not there, or even knew it was happening. At the beginning of the program as the speakers spoke, it was hard to keep a tear from falling. Emily used to be the speaker. My sis kept tenderly rubbing my back, and then typical McGee style slapped me in the butt to make me laugh!
After the walk I got news that Emily was in a place where the docs gave her 24 hours, but really less. Her sort of Aunt told me to get in the car with her from the CF walk to go to the hospital. I decided to go home and call our small group so we could all be together. With Lena the six of us hung at Jill’s, since she was supposed to pop anytime, and pretty much waited for the phone call. The first phone call was to pray that she was going to be unplugged from all the machines. The second phone call was to ask to pray for an easy passing. The third phone call was to say she was in heaven. Emily is no longer struggling to get a breath of air, as for sure since November it had been difficult for her. She is not longer in ICU in critical condition for over three months. She is home, safely home.
What a testimony of a person Emily is, whose heart is solely one after God to fight so hard when her body failed her. The times that I was able to visit her she was coherent. The last time was especially hard as it was just the two of us in her room, she looking at me with big eyes, continuing to mouth over and over, “I love you,” with her lips, as she could not talk because of the trak. God was really there at that moment as she started to get tears wailing up in her eyes, God just put scripture in my mouth and had it flowing out to comfort her. Good thing God always shows up, or I’d be screwed! Ha!
Emily, though not here physically, continues to impact so many it is unreal! I think her family is realizing the true passions that Em shared with people whom they were unaware of, as now the many Emily had built relationships with are sharing the impact Emily had on their lives -obviously, the God sparks in Em! The memorial reflected most of what she wanted, though a long day. It was really nice to have Robin in town for the weekend and of course Lena. As there has been a tremendous amount of tears, deep deep inside I am going to be fine….and that of course is by the hand of God. Small group is going to be fine too, it is bizarre and feels like there is a huge hole with Emily missing, as for the past nine years we have met every week pretty consistently. Now we have a lil one to distract us for a while as we are still absorbing all that has happened the past few months! For small group, as a whole together, there has been a tremendous amount of life happenings we have discussed and giggled about that would happen in our future….the hardest part is to try to comprehend, that physically Emily will not be that 4th person in the photo or eating at gag me, don’t make me go, Soup Plantation. We know with certainty, the character of God has really been demonstrated through all this. His power, control and strength in my weakness has been there and still is. And all I have to say is thank goodness! And really, Blessed be His name!
Meanwhile, I have continued to be a 4th grade teacher, which still makes me giggle. I know that my job is a gift. I have certainty that God has me in Duarte this year for a reason. The whole concept of having hope through this school year is an ongoing process, as I have witnessed and have been apart of situations to grow me as a professional and person. My two project students became one. Unfortunately for one, he was expelled from the school. It is nice to not have as much trouble with a student, but really he was continuously being watched, as many were looking for an immediate reason to get rid of him, and it happened. As months have gone by, it turns out that the social worker who picked up this particular student’s case said his family has hereditary mental issues. Yeah! Crazy! Literally! And I thought I was the one who was nuts! Blessed be your name God! hehehe
My other project student, who used to do snow angles on the carpet in the front of the classroom, was also diagnosed. He was so unruly, I was desperate for change, and the office could do so much, and honestly they were tired of him too. I invited the student’s, mom to come everyday. She did, sitting right next to him. I purposely would change my teaching schedule in order for her to see how he acted up in all the different subjects. At this point she realized it was not me or the school against her child, but her child with a problem. She finally signed paperwork where we could test her son. She also went to her family doc to have him meet with a psychiatrist. The student was diagnosed as ADHD, bipolar, depressed and suicidal as he refers to death often! Yeah that’s crazy too! I have a little grace with this student now that there are some answers, but oh man! The rest of my students are great! I have seen so much growth in their confidence and academics, though we are still working on getting grade level! It is awesome to see how they are becoming more independent! This week is open house! Rumor has it that parents don’t all come, I am hoping to disprove the theory with my class. It should be interesting. We will see!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The Journey
The words and ideas of hope, perspective, change, a foundation and control are words and ideas that have been going through my head. I think they are reoccurring thoughts, but familiar as the past couple of months I feel as if I have been floating through another world. It seems crazy each word applies to many aspects of my life, not just one.
Hope
To live with hope, there is a promise. To compare hope to hopelessness there is a huge contrast. With hope there is a drive, an inspiration and desire. In comparison, hopelessness is without passion, to give up. The word hope has been something that has been more developed into my threads of the way I journey through life. In my heart there is vast hope for the world and life.
Perspective
There is so much in life where perspective is a major check and focus often taken out of the idea of ration, yet when circumstances happen, genuine perspective occurs. This is one of many lessons I have learned the past few months.
Change
Change makes one uncomfortable, deepens faith, provides ideas of uncertainty, but brings definite growth and full reliance/surrender to the Lord. There has been a ridiculous amount of change the past few months, both personal and social…..it’s almost funny…., yet through it all I understand (and sometimes don’t) that the change was/is necessary to happen and God has and will continue to prepare/guide/use me.
Foundation
With a strong foundation, life can be understood and concurred. On Christ the sold rock I stand. There is no change with the foundation of the Lord, I change, and he remains constant. With Christ I am assured and taken care of through life and that is a comfort to me.
Control
In the heart there has to be a peace that knows that to have control really does not mean to have the reins are in your hands, but in the hands of the Lord. Life is too short to try to control what happens. I thrive to have control, but am constantly reminded circumstances are typically out of my control. Lately, rather then looking for control, I have been searching for wisdom. Life seems out of control, but really in control when change, the right perspective and foundation are in line!
Journey
Pretty much since the end of September, every weekend I would drive up north to meet my sister and mom to help care for Gflo. My routine started by waking up on Saturdays at 4:30am to get up north by 10:00am, but then I started to leave Fridays when the bell rang for school to be dismissed. The weekend for me was Thursday nights as I did my laundry, paid and filed bills and tried to be sane. I have been home very little between work (with my kids getting suspended/sent to the office for ridiculous actions) and being at Gflo’s. Between the weeks of going up north there were huge changes in the health status of Glo. They were very noticeable. During this time, as a family we reflected and decided various actions that Gflo had had the past couple of years was a result of the brain tumor. It was true there were times that she was not herself; I believe this is why; unfortunately I was the one who got the weird Gflo actions. I am over it now because I get it.
Two weeks prior to Thanksgiving week my entire family was able to go to Gflo’s house to celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas early. Gflo is a big catalog shopper, and shops all year long; she really did pick out our gifts. That was hard. If one of us started to cry, then another started. Our goal was to eat turkey and the whole shabang at noon, by five we ate. There was so much demand and time that was necessary to take care and make sure Gflo was comfortable. She ate all the special Tday foods, even the cranberry sauce I am stuck making the rest of my life, because we can’t eat it from a can!
The week prior to Thanksgiving, I decided that I would be able to take a weekend and a few days in NYC with Nikki. It was WONDERFUL! It was the perfect trip with amazing times! Meanwhile, this was the time where Glo’s health decreased. I came back the Tuesday prior to Thanksgiving. That night was the hardest night for Gflo. UG went into her room, as she was bedridden and not eating, he went to hold her hand and she would not let go. He ended up sleeping next to her on her real bed as she was in the hospital bed in her house bedroom. I woke up early Wednesday morning and drove up north to be there by 9am.
Because I have experience in the category of seeing someone in their last days, I tried to prepare myself to see GFlo on oxygen in her bed, knowing she’d be different from the last time I saw her. That was a waste of my time. When I walked into her room, she was in a state I could not prepare myself to see, until that moment happened. She was breathing from her diaphragm short breaths. When I got there she opened her eyes to look at me. When she looked at me it was as if she was looking through me as her eyes were glazed over and almost looked like Emma or Grant when they were jaundice infants. Because she was hooked up to oxygen she had a huge cold sore on her mouth. I held her cold hand to let her know I was there. Yeah, ol’ faithful was definitely happening. And what do you know my volume increased as I told her my nine dollar “hot dog deal” of a jacket in NYC. Mom even reminded me that Gflo could hear fine! Everyone laughed.
From then on I thought I’d become the kitchen nazi. When going through craziness, eating always makes things better. I helped to prepare our prime rib dinner and of course made cookies. Glfo’s kitchen has everything anyone would want to cook in! Nurses came by to bathe and check the status of Gflo. They of course did not believe that I was a teacher. Jamie and mom got very defensive. It was funny. Duh, I’m not going to get dolled up to be at Gflo’s all day in her state. By noon, my sis and I were watching TV with Gflo in her room, well Glfo’s eyes were closed. We giggled and made jokes, as we usually do. I was watching my cheesie warm and fuzzy Christmas love stories…then Jamie got fed up with them so we settled on watching the Kardashins’ Wedding. It was funny for at one point the two sisters of the bride were in a sex shop getting ready for the bachelorette party when Jamie and I realized Gflo was in the room and probably did not want to hear what they were buying. We were certain her hearing was keen. We changed it back to my sappy Christmas show! We were noticing that Glfo’s fingers were turning blue and were really cold. Her color was changing also, but never showed sign of pain or discomfort. We knew what was happening, in her state, her body was slowly shutting down, with her circulation very slow and organs failing. About 6:45, I decided to get up to go to the bathroom, after being in Glo’s room most of the day. By the time I got back from the bathroom, Jamie noticed something was not right. I got my mom and UG. The four of us, on all sides of Glfo, and talked to her, “Go dance, we will be ok, we are all here.” Within a five minute span, we all were there to watch her take her last breath, as her chest did not rise anymore. It was peaceful, with no pain whatsoever. I was a mess, she waited for me to get there that day, we all knew.
From there the hospice nurse came for the paperwork and made a time of death. Jamie and I were sitting in the living room, recovered slightly, making jokes wondering if the Kardsians had anything to do with it? This is the best part. UG walked in the room and with the straightest face ever, looked me in the eyes and said, “If you need medicine to help calm you down I have something very mild.” Before he turned in the hall, I glanced at Jamie, who of course made me laugh at an inappropriate time. Everyone in the family knows I would be the last to need medication compared to them. Jamie even made me laugh more when she was wondering why he did not offer her the action! Ah, it was funny in the moment. Jamie saved me on the recovery as the one to explain why I laughed to UG, for I was biting my lip not to laugh again.
By 9, people (small town- actually a classmate of UG, and UG dated his sis in high school-she was pretty, guess she could have been an aunt!) came to take the body, then house was quiet. We ate our meal that was not cooked right and were numb the eve of Thanksgiving. We continued to have conversations in regards to the whole perspective of life and each moment. Each moment by moment is a gift. We witnessed how that worked first hand. Since I like the phrase moment by moment, Jamie decided she liked, second by second. Coming into the world is a miracle. When exiting the world, it confirms how this is a place that is temporary, not one that is to last forever. If one does not believe that concept the way to deal with death is very difficult, for the hope is missing.
On Thanksgiving, mom and I took Jamie to the airport and had more laughs as she was the only passenger on the 19 passenger plane. She even took pictures with the Tom Cruise pilots and observed if one would be a good brother-in-law! We vegged and ate the day away.
From there we had lots to do. Made arrangements with funeral home of what to do with the body, picked the casket/accessories, clothes to be buried in, paperwork for death certificate, paperwork for newspaper articles (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/modestobee/obituary.aspx?n=florence-alma-hagemann&pid=136810283 ), flowers for casket/pull barriers, picture slide show, framed picture, design and write the brochure for service, return hospice materials/equipment, make phone calls, have lots of visitors, bake cookies, pick food/place for after the service, arrange place of burial, and I am sure there are more, but this is off the top my head.
I went home for a few days to work. I began to stress because I had to assess my kids with benchmarks, grade them and meet a deadline to turn in my report cards with a new program I have never heard of. But all that had to be on hold till after the services. So instead of school work, I decided to take three days off to have time before and after the service to help out. The pre and post action that comes with a sub and the atmosphere of a classroom is one of my least favorite things to deal with. The sub told me in the sub report that one of my students is one of the most terrible students he has ever dealt with. Yep, but for some reason I care about him. Meanwhile two of my girls went through each backpack on the hooks outside the classroom and stole things they wanted, while everyone was at recess. Yeah, that was fun to deal with! And I guess I was a celebrity upon returning, for some students brought me gifts. They students were very sweet and thoughtful. The gifts are going in the best white elephant gift box ever! Just kidding. I have to keep ‘em in my classroom till the end of the year!
The days before the funeral were comic. Mom, Jamie, the kids and I are in the car cruising, stopped at a stop sign, all thinking it is a signal. We sat at a stop sign through an entire song, with not one of us noticing it was a stop sign. Oh dear. My mom got a manicure and chipped her nail, the same nail, three times in a matter of 30 minutes. Good thing I locked my keys in the truck of the locked car after grocery shopping so she had time to go back in the nail saloon by the grocery store to get her nail fixed. The water pitcher from the refrigerator was missing, instead of putting it back where it belongs; it was placed with the cups in the cupboard. The pastor for the service called a few days prior, and said he had a family emergency and could not be there. The replacement was very happy, that is the only way I can describe him. I have a good impersonation. A pull barer threw out his back. Chris’ flight got cancelled the night before the service, as he was the new the replacement, that was solved, but crazy at the moment. Oh man dull moments are a rare existence.
The day of celebration, sounds better than funeral, was long. We went to the funeral home. Mom and Jamie wanted to make sure the body was embalmed with respect. Not my thing, I hung with Chris outside. From there the family met at the funeral home to load up and drive to the cemetery. Grandad and Gflo are together at the Korean War Memorial Cemetery. Since we have been through a service like that before we had some idea of what to expect. It was freezing. We watched the casket go down in the ground. Pretty crazy. You have to have it together and know with certainty everything we saw was a shell. It was no longer Gflo. Though you would think that the car ride from the cemetery to the service would be solemn and sad, it wasn’t. Jamie discovered that one of my aunts that we never see had hair extensions. She is in her seventies, grey as ever with long stringy extensions. When Jamie hugged her she was inches away from the sight of the extension clasps in our aunt’s hair! Comedy, it’s funny for she is just awkward as it is, oh man. Then we started to make the jokes the whole way to the service. So funny!
The service/food part was fine. Lots of people from the community came. Apparently mom should go in the business of speaking at services, for the joke was that some people wanted to hire her for after their parent passes away. Sort of weird. People don’t know what to say. It was interesting meeting people whom we have heard so many stories about and knew my dad and grandparents hung out with. One lady, introduced herself and knew we would not know her, but only of her. She was the farmer who gave kittens to my Grandad, for Jamie and I to have when we were little.
By 8ish-9ish we were back at the house, eating and discussing the day.
What a journey this has been, not only for me, but for my family and friends. Something we have been talking about a lot is the difference between a sudden death and a slow death. The conclusion is they are both hard. With a sudden death, you are numb and that is the initial reaction, then months later feel it. Slow death, you have time, and in a since grieve through the whole process, and you feel the pain through it. Ultimately, it is hard, but brings one closer to the gift and truth of how precious the life that we live really is. It is not about us.
I know I, along with the family are happy to be home to rest and try to regroup. We are all taking a break and then will return up north to the house at a later time to begin a huge project of sorting and dividing. We are in no hurry, for it is a spring or summer project.
Of course writing verses taking an action is easy, but I believe, with a strong hope, the right perspective, understanding of who has control, what my foundation is made of and with life’s journey many changes occur, I and the family are going to be fine.
Hope
To live with hope, there is a promise. To compare hope to hopelessness there is a huge contrast. With hope there is a drive, an inspiration and desire. In comparison, hopelessness is without passion, to give up. The word hope has been something that has been more developed into my threads of the way I journey through life. In my heart there is vast hope for the world and life.
Perspective
There is so much in life where perspective is a major check and focus often taken out of the idea of ration, yet when circumstances happen, genuine perspective occurs. This is one of many lessons I have learned the past few months.
Change
Change makes one uncomfortable, deepens faith, provides ideas of uncertainty, but brings definite growth and full reliance/surrender to the Lord. There has been a ridiculous amount of change the past few months, both personal and social…..it’s almost funny…., yet through it all I understand (and sometimes don’t) that the change was/is necessary to happen and God has and will continue to prepare/guide/use me.
Foundation
With a strong foundation, life can be understood and concurred. On Christ the sold rock I stand. There is no change with the foundation of the Lord, I change, and he remains constant. With Christ I am assured and taken care of through life and that is a comfort to me.
Control
In the heart there has to be a peace that knows that to have control really does not mean to have the reins are in your hands, but in the hands of the Lord. Life is too short to try to control what happens. I thrive to have control, but am constantly reminded circumstances are typically out of my control. Lately, rather then looking for control, I have been searching for wisdom. Life seems out of control, but really in control when change, the right perspective and foundation are in line!
Journey
Pretty much since the end of September, every weekend I would drive up north to meet my sister and mom to help care for Gflo. My routine started by waking up on Saturdays at 4:30am to get up north by 10:00am, but then I started to leave Fridays when the bell rang for school to be dismissed. The weekend for me was Thursday nights as I did my laundry, paid and filed bills and tried to be sane. I have been home very little between work (with my kids getting suspended/sent to the office for ridiculous actions) and being at Gflo’s. Between the weeks of going up north there were huge changes in the health status of Glo. They were very noticeable. During this time, as a family we reflected and decided various actions that Gflo had had the past couple of years was a result of the brain tumor. It was true there were times that she was not herself; I believe this is why; unfortunately I was the one who got the weird Gflo actions. I am over it now because I get it.
Two weeks prior to Thanksgiving week my entire family was able to go to Gflo’s house to celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas early. Gflo is a big catalog shopper, and shops all year long; she really did pick out our gifts. That was hard. If one of us started to cry, then another started. Our goal was to eat turkey and the whole shabang at noon, by five we ate. There was so much demand and time that was necessary to take care and make sure Gflo was comfortable. She ate all the special Tday foods, even the cranberry sauce I am stuck making the rest of my life, because we can’t eat it from a can!
The week prior to Thanksgiving, I decided that I would be able to take a weekend and a few days in NYC with Nikki. It was WONDERFUL! It was the perfect trip with amazing times! Meanwhile, this was the time where Glo’s health decreased. I came back the Tuesday prior to Thanksgiving. That night was the hardest night for Gflo. UG went into her room, as she was bedridden and not eating, he went to hold her hand and she would not let go. He ended up sleeping next to her on her real bed as she was in the hospital bed in her house bedroom. I woke up early Wednesday morning and drove up north to be there by 9am.
Because I have experience in the category of seeing someone in their last days, I tried to prepare myself to see GFlo on oxygen in her bed, knowing she’d be different from the last time I saw her. That was a waste of my time. When I walked into her room, she was in a state I could not prepare myself to see, until that moment happened. She was breathing from her diaphragm short breaths. When I got there she opened her eyes to look at me. When she looked at me it was as if she was looking through me as her eyes were glazed over and almost looked like Emma or Grant when they were jaundice infants. Because she was hooked up to oxygen she had a huge cold sore on her mouth. I held her cold hand to let her know I was there. Yeah, ol’ faithful was definitely happening. And what do you know my volume increased as I told her my nine dollar “hot dog deal” of a jacket in NYC. Mom even reminded me that Gflo could hear fine! Everyone laughed.
From then on I thought I’d become the kitchen nazi. When going through craziness, eating always makes things better. I helped to prepare our prime rib dinner and of course made cookies. Glfo’s kitchen has everything anyone would want to cook in! Nurses came by to bathe and check the status of Gflo. They of course did not believe that I was a teacher. Jamie and mom got very defensive. It was funny. Duh, I’m not going to get dolled up to be at Gflo’s all day in her state. By noon, my sis and I were watching TV with Gflo in her room, well Glfo’s eyes were closed. We giggled and made jokes, as we usually do. I was watching my cheesie warm and fuzzy Christmas love stories…then Jamie got fed up with them so we settled on watching the Kardashins’ Wedding. It was funny for at one point the two sisters of the bride were in a sex shop getting ready for the bachelorette party when Jamie and I realized Gflo was in the room and probably did not want to hear what they were buying. We were certain her hearing was keen. We changed it back to my sappy Christmas show! We were noticing that Glfo’s fingers were turning blue and were really cold. Her color was changing also, but never showed sign of pain or discomfort. We knew what was happening, in her state, her body was slowly shutting down, with her circulation very slow and organs failing. About 6:45, I decided to get up to go to the bathroom, after being in Glo’s room most of the day. By the time I got back from the bathroom, Jamie noticed something was not right. I got my mom and UG. The four of us, on all sides of Glfo, and talked to her, “Go dance, we will be ok, we are all here.” Within a five minute span, we all were there to watch her take her last breath, as her chest did not rise anymore. It was peaceful, with no pain whatsoever. I was a mess, she waited for me to get there that day, we all knew.
From there the hospice nurse came for the paperwork and made a time of death. Jamie and I were sitting in the living room, recovered slightly, making jokes wondering if the Kardsians had anything to do with it? This is the best part. UG walked in the room and with the straightest face ever, looked me in the eyes and said, “If you need medicine to help calm you down I have something very mild.” Before he turned in the hall, I glanced at Jamie, who of course made me laugh at an inappropriate time. Everyone in the family knows I would be the last to need medication compared to them. Jamie even made me laugh more when she was wondering why he did not offer her the action! Ah, it was funny in the moment. Jamie saved me on the recovery as the one to explain why I laughed to UG, for I was biting my lip not to laugh again.
By 9, people (small town- actually a classmate of UG, and UG dated his sis in high school-she was pretty, guess she could have been an aunt!) came to take the body, then house was quiet. We ate our meal that was not cooked right and were numb the eve of Thanksgiving. We continued to have conversations in regards to the whole perspective of life and each moment. Each moment by moment is a gift. We witnessed how that worked first hand. Since I like the phrase moment by moment, Jamie decided she liked, second by second. Coming into the world is a miracle. When exiting the world, it confirms how this is a place that is temporary, not one that is to last forever. If one does not believe that concept the way to deal with death is very difficult, for the hope is missing.
On Thanksgiving, mom and I took Jamie to the airport and had more laughs as she was the only passenger on the 19 passenger plane. She even took pictures with the Tom Cruise pilots and observed if one would be a good brother-in-law! We vegged and ate the day away.
From there we had lots to do. Made arrangements with funeral home of what to do with the body, picked the casket/accessories, clothes to be buried in, paperwork for death certificate, paperwork for newspaper articles (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/modestobee/obituary.aspx?n=florence-alma-hagemann&pid=136810283 ), flowers for casket/pull barriers, picture slide show, framed picture, design and write the brochure for service, return hospice materials/equipment, make phone calls, have lots of visitors, bake cookies, pick food/place for after the service, arrange place of burial, and I am sure there are more, but this is off the top my head.
I went home for a few days to work. I began to stress because I had to assess my kids with benchmarks, grade them and meet a deadline to turn in my report cards with a new program I have never heard of. But all that had to be on hold till after the services. So instead of school work, I decided to take three days off to have time before and after the service to help out. The pre and post action that comes with a sub and the atmosphere of a classroom is one of my least favorite things to deal with. The sub told me in the sub report that one of my students is one of the most terrible students he has ever dealt with. Yep, but for some reason I care about him. Meanwhile two of my girls went through each backpack on the hooks outside the classroom and stole things they wanted, while everyone was at recess. Yeah, that was fun to deal with! And I guess I was a celebrity upon returning, for some students brought me gifts. They students were very sweet and thoughtful. The gifts are going in the best white elephant gift box ever! Just kidding. I have to keep ‘em in my classroom till the end of the year!
The days before the funeral were comic. Mom, Jamie, the kids and I are in the car cruising, stopped at a stop sign, all thinking it is a signal. We sat at a stop sign through an entire song, with not one of us noticing it was a stop sign. Oh dear. My mom got a manicure and chipped her nail, the same nail, three times in a matter of 30 minutes. Good thing I locked my keys in the truck of the locked car after grocery shopping so she had time to go back in the nail saloon by the grocery store to get her nail fixed. The water pitcher from the refrigerator was missing, instead of putting it back where it belongs; it was placed with the cups in the cupboard. The pastor for the service called a few days prior, and said he had a family emergency and could not be there. The replacement was very happy, that is the only way I can describe him. I have a good impersonation. A pull barer threw out his back. Chris’ flight got cancelled the night before the service, as he was the new the replacement, that was solved, but crazy at the moment. Oh man dull moments are a rare existence.
The day of celebration, sounds better than funeral, was long. We went to the funeral home. Mom and Jamie wanted to make sure the body was embalmed with respect. Not my thing, I hung with Chris outside. From there the family met at the funeral home to load up and drive to the cemetery. Grandad and Gflo are together at the Korean War Memorial Cemetery. Since we have been through a service like that before we had some idea of what to expect. It was freezing. We watched the casket go down in the ground. Pretty crazy. You have to have it together and know with certainty everything we saw was a shell. It was no longer Gflo. Though you would think that the car ride from the cemetery to the service would be solemn and sad, it wasn’t. Jamie discovered that one of my aunts that we never see had hair extensions. She is in her seventies, grey as ever with long stringy extensions. When Jamie hugged her she was inches away from the sight of the extension clasps in our aunt’s hair! Comedy, it’s funny for she is just awkward as it is, oh man. Then we started to make the jokes the whole way to the service. So funny!
The service/food part was fine. Lots of people from the community came. Apparently mom should go in the business of speaking at services, for the joke was that some people wanted to hire her for after their parent passes away. Sort of weird. People don’t know what to say. It was interesting meeting people whom we have heard so many stories about and knew my dad and grandparents hung out with. One lady, introduced herself and knew we would not know her, but only of her. She was the farmer who gave kittens to my Grandad, for Jamie and I to have when we were little.
By 8ish-9ish we were back at the house, eating and discussing the day.
What a journey this has been, not only for me, but for my family and friends. Something we have been talking about a lot is the difference between a sudden death and a slow death. The conclusion is they are both hard. With a sudden death, you are numb and that is the initial reaction, then months later feel it. Slow death, you have time, and in a since grieve through the whole process, and you feel the pain through it. Ultimately, it is hard, but brings one closer to the gift and truth of how precious the life that we live really is. It is not about us.
I know I, along with the family are happy to be home to rest and try to regroup. We are all taking a break and then will return up north to the house at a later time to begin a huge project of sorting and dividing. We are in no hurry, for it is a spring or summer project.
Of course writing verses taking an action is easy, but I believe, with a strong hope, the right perspective, understanding of who has control, what my foundation is made of and with life’s journey many changes occur, I and the family are going to be fine.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Life is full in ALL spectrums
Life is full in all spectrums.
This is the first week since the beginning of school that I have planned and photocopied everything I need for my week prior to the weekend. The plans always change, but I thought I’d give it a try to not drive myself crazy wondering what I need to do!
My students are fun and make me work really hard. My kids have a reputation for being low. I am tired of people referring to my students that way. I am determined to change their status. I was talking about California history to the students, and they asked me what other countries California was like. Another words, in their heads California is a country. I soon learned, my students have little to no background knowledge of history, geography, or science. Ahhhhh! So frustrating. Math and ELA is huge, I get that, but the other subjects are important too! So I am trying to give it all to my kids, and it is working, and I can measure an incredible growth of learning and it has only been a month. There is a long journey ahead, but I know it will end with positive results, but LOTS of work.
There are times when I have to remind myself that I am a teacher, for I feel that I am a parent, counselor, caretaker, etc. most of the time. Lots of crazy stories. Kids tell me everything. One girl told me that when she was 3 her parents divorced. Her mom would lock her in the bathroom when she would get mad at her. As a toddler, she would tell her dad that her mom would hurt her when he was gone. She had to go to court, before a judge to tell what her mom did to her for her dad to get full custody of her. Now it is the two of them. Really, she is a drug baby, and her mom is a drug addict. She is not allowed to see mom till she is 18. This student brought to school a wallet sized photo album that was obviously looked at a lot by this little one of her and her parents prior to the separation. She is a sweet little one, and usually greets me when I get to school between 6:50 and 7!
With another student I noticed dad was a little odd in his verbal communication and body language, as he daily dropped off and picked up his daughter. One day, the student came to me and said she was sad, and explained that the night prior, after she got out of the shower the cops were at her house, dad was in hand cuffs, and mom was on the floor holding onto her head, which was bruised. My student explained, she did not know what was going on. In the eyes of my student, the cops decided to let her dad go, but told him to never come back to her house. The next day, the cops stopped by and he was still there. She basically watched him again get hand cuffed and taken away. Apparently, he is now in prison in LA. Not quite sure all the details, but defiantly abusive father to her mother. She is a sweet little girl too, new to the school, and extremely talented in art, but unnoticed by her family at home!
This year’s “project” student is by far one of the hardest kids I have had to deal with. One of the most defiant, rude, and disrespectful kids, but that will change this year….it just takes every piece of patience I have, and it is hard. In the car on the way to school, I tell myself, “His mercies are new every morning!” Two different counselors come every week on different days to work with the student: one on how to interact with his family and two how to have the appropriate classroom behavior. Last year his teacher sent him to the office everyday, for he was uncontrollable. I disagree with that philosophy, for he needs to learn the appropriate Ms. McGee procedures! I have learned that students like this are crying out for love and healthy attention more than any other kid. I can act out what this kid does in my class better than explain it, but trust me, it is crazy! Daily I have a new strategy to control this student with consistency because what worked the day before typically does not work the next. The latest is to staple a blank paper together and have him deliver it to another teacher so he can get some fresh air and I can have a breather to think of what to do next! I just have to remind myself that with students like this by the end of the year I have always been successful to see huge leaps of growth only with baby steps….baby steps that’s what it will take. This dude lives in an apartment with his family. He shares a room with a sibling and uncle who sleeps on the floor. Many family members live in the apartment. Mom I guess is quite the woman, very vocal and argues with all. I have not encountered her yet, but I will very soon since conferences are in one week.
Here’s a funny story. My students are playing “Around the World” with multiplication flash cards. It is a game where the students are challenged to show what they know in a subject as they compete with other students. One girl was beating everyone. Another student in awe, shouted out, “Dammmmm she’s good.” Now, I know the appropriate talk that should go on in the classroom…but it was so funny to hear a true genuine reaction!
Another time I was chewing out my “Project Student” outside. When I came back in the classroom, in all seriousness, the students pointed to the smoke alarm in the middle of the classroom ceiling and asked, “Is that a surveillance camera, and did you hear us say…..” My response, “Why of course it is a surveillance camera, you are not supposed to know till 6th grade…. that’s why I went outside, I knew you were watched. And I heard what you said….” All the faces of the students were in amazement. Hilarious!
There are more crazy stories, but they’ll come out at another time. So much happens daily…it’s hard for me remember!
I’ve been writing grants like a madwoman to try to get some funds for my students. My students have never been on a field trip. I am happy to say that we have received the funding to pay for 111 4th and 5th grade students to go on two different field trips completely free. I think the total grant we got is around three thousand dollars. I am awed, humbled and thrilled! There are more grants I am waiting to hear from to see what else the kids can possible receive! So cool. People are incredible to have hearts for others when they do not know the benefiters!
This weekend I was able to go up north again and visit GFlo. She is weaker and weaker. The best way to describe what she is like is to compare her to Grant. What I do for Grant is pretty much what needs to be done for GFlo. She is a trooper, but there are effects of the tumor. She needs full help to walk, eat, go to the bathroom, and anything you can think of that would be considered automatic for you and me. Talking is minimal with GFlo, for it takes a great amount of energy from her. This weekend she did have conversations with me, which confirmed that she tracks with what is going on. While watching all the baseball and football games we discussed what my husband should look like. It was funny because her true opinions come out. When Jamie and Emma arrived the true good times happened. Between all the gals, we were good at making GFlo laugh. Her laugh consisted of no facial expressions or sounds, but her shoulders moving up and down. Tuesday she will begin radiation. She is scared, you can tell, but talks very little about the radiation. She wants to do radiation, although she will become even more weaker. Pray this week for her and mom as it will be another new step in this whole situation. Through it all, God has been good. The prayer of mine has been that she will not encounter pain or suffer. Whenever we ask GFlo if anything hurts, she says amazingly no. Absolutely incredible.
Now through December is really getting full. It seems like every year at this time I manage to fill up my weekends fast. Some upcoming action is college reunion in Oregon! Haller! That’s gonna be great. Love those gals, and Jim! I am also going to NYC with Nikki since Mike is deployed somewhere. I am looking forward to good times and of course hanging with the NCY crew of people! I get a chuckle just thinking about it! I think it will be good to get away and in a since be refreshed by the peeps!
This is the first week since the beginning of school that I have planned and photocopied everything I need for my week prior to the weekend. The plans always change, but I thought I’d give it a try to not drive myself crazy wondering what I need to do!
My students are fun and make me work really hard. My kids have a reputation for being low. I am tired of people referring to my students that way. I am determined to change their status. I was talking about California history to the students, and they asked me what other countries California was like. Another words, in their heads California is a country. I soon learned, my students have little to no background knowledge of history, geography, or science. Ahhhhh! So frustrating. Math and ELA is huge, I get that, but the other subjects are important too! So I am trying to give it all to my kids, and it is working, and I can measure an incredible growth of learning and it has only been a month. There is a long journey ahead, but I know it will end with positive results, but LOTS of work.
There are times when I have to remind myself that I am a teacher, for I feel that I am a parent, counselor, caretaker, etc. most of the time. Lots of crazy stories. Kids tell me everything. One girl told me that when she was 3 her parents divorced. Her mom would lock her in the bathroom when she would get mad at her. As a toddler, she would tell her dad that her mom would hurt her when he was gone. She had to go to court, before a judge to tell what her mom did to her for her dad to get full custody of her. Now it is the two of them. Really, she is a drug baby, and her mom is a drug addict. She is not allowed to see mom till she is 18. This student brought to school a wallet sized photo album that was obviously looked at a lot by this little one of her and her parents prior to the separation. She is a sweet little one, and usually greets me when I get to school between 6:50 and 7!
With another student I noticed dad was a little odd in his verbal communication and body language, as he daily dropped off and picked up his daughter. One day, the student came to me and said she was sad, and explained that the night prior, after she got out of the shower the cops were at her house, dad was in hand cuffs, and mom was on the floor holding onto her head, which was bruised. My student explained, she did not know what was going on. In the eyes of my student, the cops decided to let her dad go, but told him to never come back to her house. The next day, the cops stopped by and he was still there. She basically watched him again get hand cuffed and taken away. Apparently, he is now in prison in LA. Not quite sure all the details, but defiantly abusive father to her mother. She is a sweet little girl too, new to the school, and extremely talented in art, but unnoticed by her family at home!
This year’s “project” student is by far one of the hardest kids I have had to deal with. One of the most defiant, rude, and disrespectful kids, but that will change this year….it just takes every piece of patience I have, and it is hard. In the car on the way to school, I tell myself, “His mercies are new every morning!” Two different counselors come every week on different days to work with the student: one on how to interact with his family and two how to have the appropriate classroom behavior. Last year his teacher sent him to the office everyday, for he was uncontrollable. I disagree with that philosophy, for he needs to learn the appropriate Ms. McGee procedures! I have learned that students like this are crying out for love and healthy attention more than any other kid. I can act out what this kid does in my class better than explain it, but trust me, it is crazy! Daily I have a new strategy to control this student with consistency because what worked the day before typically does not work the next. The latest is to staple a blank paper together and have him deliver it to another teacher so he can get some fresh air and I can have a breather to think of what to do next! I just have to remind myself that with students like this by the end of the year I have always been successful to see huge leaps of growth only with baby steps….baby steps that’s what it will take. This dude lives in an apartment with his family. He shares a room with a sibling and uncle who sleeps on the floor. Many family members live in the apartment. Mom I guess is quite the woman, very vocal and argues with all. I have not encountered her yet, but I will very soon since conferences are in one week.
Here’s a funny story. My students are playing “Around the World” with multiplication flash cards. It is a game where the students are challenged to show what they know in a subject as they compete with other students. One girl was beating everyone. Another student in awe, shouted out, “Dammmmm she’s good.” Now, I know the appropriate talk that should go on in the classroom…but it was so funny to hear a true genuine reaction!
Another time I was chewing out my “Project Student” outside. When I came back in the classroom, in all seriousness, the students pointed to the smoke alarm in the middle of the classroom ceiling and asked, “Is that a surveillance camera, and did you hear us say…..” My response, “Why of course it is a surveillance camera, you are not supposed to know till 6th grade…. that’s why I went outside, I knew you were watched. And I heard what you said….” All the faces of the students were in amazement. Hilarious!
There are more crazy stories, but they’ll come out at another time. So much happens daily…it’s hard for me remember!
I’ve been writing grants like a madwoman to try to get some funds for my students. My students have never been on a field trip. I am happy to say that we have received the funding to pay for 111 4th and 5th grade students to go on two different field trips completely free. I think the total grant we got is around three thousand dollars. I am awed, humbled and thrilled! There are more grants I am waiting to hear from to see what else the kids can possible receive! So cool. People are incredible to have hearts for others when they do not know the benefiters!
This weekend I was able to go up north again and visit GFlo. She is weaker and weaker. The best way to describe what she is like is to compare her to Grant. What I do for Grant is pretty much what needs to be done for GFlo. She is a trooper, but there are effects of the tumor. She needs full help to walk, eat, go to the bathroom, and anything you can think of that would be considered automatic for you and me. Talking is minimal with GFlo, for it takes a great amount of energy from her. This weekend she did have conversations with me, which confirmed that she tracks with what is going on. While watching all the baseball and football games we discussed what my husband should look like. It was funny because her true opinions come out. When Jamie and Emma arrived the true good times happened. Between all the gals, we were good at making GFlo laugh. Her laugh consisted of no facial expressions or sounds, but her shoulders moving up and down. Tuesday she will begin radiation. She is scared, you can tell, but talks very little about the radiation. She wants to do radiation, although she will become even more weaker. Pray this week for her and mom as it will be another new step in this whole situation. Through it all, God has been good. The prayer of mine has been that she will not encounter pain or suffer. Whenever we ask GFlo if anything hurts, she says amazingly no. Absolutely incredible.
Now through December is really getting full. It seems like every year at this time I manage to fill up my weekends fast. Some upcoming action is college reunion in Oregon! Haller! That’s gonna be great. Love those gals, and Jim! I am also going to NYC with Nikki since Mike is deployed somewhere. I am looking forward to good times and of course hanging with the NCY crew of people! I get a chuckle just thinking about it! I think it will be good to get away and in a since be refreshed by the peeps!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Bullet Point Version
- Bullet Point Version Update!
- Tomorrow is my first day as Ms. McGee in Room 22
- It takes about 30 minutes to get to school as I sit in traffic and eat my oatmeal
- When I get off the freeway, I drive by two signs that say City of Hope….and in my cheesy mind frame, I am so blessed as I feel I have had nothing but hope that something dynamic would happen in my career as I had to look for a new job. Daily, twice as I drive to my school I am reminded of the hope that I had and still do have!
- My staff has been very accommodating most have taught between 10-30 years, I guess that is a big range (two teachers I think are on their second year)
- The new thing on top of all new encounters I’ve been though, I decided to create a really sweet library in my classroom this year. I impress myself. I cannot wait for the students to see it tomorrow!
- I met some of my students last week at a Back to School, but not really event. They were sweet. Already giving me hugs.
- I work in a highly low income, reduced/free lunch, ELL population, but something that I am and have never been opposed to
- There are many things I have to incorporate in my classroom that in the past I did but never had to demonstrate evidence the way I have to now, but I guess I am flexible, and it will make me a better educator!
- I am the only teacher in upper grade that does not have an LCD projector hanging from the ceiling with a document camera. Since the first day of discovering my loss, I have been on the search. God thing for sure…my neighbor who is the literacy coach gave me her personal projector to use, while I am taking the doc. camera from the computer lab until it is needed. The staff is making fun of me since I know the most about the tech tools, yet have a classroom with little technology! There is a lesson, not sure what it is yet, maybe that I have to ask!
- Everyday I have to be out of my room by 4, that is when the alarm is set. This is difficult for me. I have already accidently set off the school alarm and the neighborhood new that I had arrived!
- I am looking forward to diving into a new year of teaching and the idea that I have a group of students to love starting tomorrow and consistently for the next nine months!
Aslo, Gflo has brain surgery tomorrow. She is waking up early to drive with Mom and UG to Sacramento. - She is weak and scared. The docs are weaning her off her “happy pills” so she is just ok and sounds different that she did last week.
- Everyone is getting more emotional and teary
- My prayer is that she does not suffer as this is really the beginning of a battle to flight.
- It is bizarre, the fam has encountered such attack, something I like to call spiritual yuckiness.
- Here are examples: Between my mom, sis, Gflo and I in a matter of three days….a h2o heater corroded and went out, messed up the floor and walls, all pipes connecting to h2o heater have to be replaced. Two different garages broken (I got trapped in mine!) An alarm system broke. Chair for GFlo broke. Sliding Door broke. Dead car battery twice. The list could go on, but something that I quickly became aware of was the idea that we need to have perspective and the armor on for sure! Amazing things that have also happened: Mom’s friend translated a parent letter for me in Spanish, fast! Mom figured out internet solution at GFlo’s. Mom found some referrals for her eye surgery (guess the cataracts decided to act up now!) There are more, but needless to say it has been slightly crazy, but I think distractions are sometimes good.
Monday, August 17, 2009
The adventure has begun....and I know where!
Weeek 10
Proverbs 2
My child, listen to what I say,
and treasure my commands.
Tune your ears to wisdom,
Tune your ears to wisdom,
and concentrate on understanding.
Cry out for insight,
and ask for understanding.
Search for them as you would for silver;
seek them like hidden treasures.
Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,
and you will gain knowledge of God.
For the Lord grants wisdom!
From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.
He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
He guards the paths of the just
and protects those who are faithful to him.
Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,
Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,
and you will find the right way to go.
For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will fill you with joy.
Wise choices will watch over you.
Understanding will keep you safe.
Saturday I received the absolute for sure from Steve and Moko that if I wanted to go to Japan to teach the job was mine. This is when I contacted very close friends of mine to start praying hard for me, where I could have discernment and absolute wisdom with my heart rather then emotions. I wanted a decision by Monday, for I did not want to string Duarte along in the dark and suddenly say never mind about the job offer I received.
I connected with Steve to get the info of the teacher who decided to not go back to Japan, for I wanted to know why from her mouth. Within an hour of me emailing, Jennifer, she called me on the phone. From there we talked a good hour, with my request of asking her the good, bad, and ugly of her experience. Teaching in Japan was one of the most rewarding experiences for her. She wished she could cookie cut the job in Japan and place it anywhere in the world. I got lit up as she was on fire about the teaching experience alone. When I asked her about the community and support from other foreign teachers who joined her in the challenge and stretching experience of Japan, she began to tell me the reason why Japan will not see her this year. Moka hired 6 teachers. Of the teachers three of the guys were, as Jennifer explained, pretty much disgusting/inconsiderate and crude/cross in their everyday verbal communication, something she realized when she got home and how much there crude disrespectful humor rubbed off on her. The other two teachers are pretty much an isolated couple. Jennifer explained in the many days of free time she tried to connect with the Japanese, but it was hard and lonely. She described herself as an extravert, and decided at one point to hop on trains and just do her own thing by herself to explore. My convo with Jennifer was very informative and I was grateful for it.
As I reflected back on my original criteria list and long multiple conversation with Steve of what it will take for me to go to Japan, I realized a huge hole was in the area of community, one of the largest and most important factors for me. I am confident I can meet and make friends anywhere, make the best of any situation, and pull through when it is easy or hard, but because I had insight on the community of teachers I was going to be living with, it made me hesitate. Typically, in life I have never had insight of who I’d work with, but away from work I have always had a community around me. In Japan it is different.
Prior to making a decision, many have thought instantly with my situation that I needed to go to Duarte. But I really wanted to seek the Lord for wisdom of what to do. I am fully aware of my role in my family, yet my perspective is God, then family. I am not closed to the idea of teaching abroad one day, but I am going to choose to work in Duarte this year as a 4th grade teacher and stay in California! Today I can sign my contract, get a key to the room and see what I have in store for my future!
This summer I have learned many lessons to trust in the Lord with all my heart as he directed my paths. I was reminded through my 6 years of drilled “God First” mentality, I did have that mentality as I tried to discover the what’ s next of my great adventures of life. I still believe that the adventure has just begun, and this year’s going to be one that is dynamically amazing as I embrace this change that I would have never pictured for myself. As I reflect on the past 10 weeks of my summer “vacation,” I am reminded of the verses in Ephesians 5:1-2 & 15-17 as I started my crazy ideas and quest for a purposeful job aligned with the passions of my heart:
“Follow God’s example in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love for others following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was sweet like perfume to him.” “So be careful how you live, not as fools, but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.”
Today this is what I will do!
Family Update!
Jamie and I had a fast 24 hour trip up north. We got to my grandma’s house 30 minutes after she got home from the hospital. She is very weak as she walks with a walker -often swerving to the left (a side effect of the brain cancer on her right side of the brain), wears pull ups, left side of face is sagging, breathes with her mouth open-as it is hard for her to have deep breaths, and pretty much sits in her chair and still smokes. She was thrilled Jamie and I were there. She thought Grant and Emma were going to be there too, so we teased her because we are now mince meat compared to the great-greats! The hospital lost Gflo’s glasses, so she wears her sun glasses in the house, something that quickly became a joke. We taught Gflo how to do the Fonzy, shakin her head and putting her thumbs up as one hand slightly takes the glasses off as she says, “COOL!” A huge thing we did was learn to make whole made tortillas and clean out 2 of 4 closets filled of 77 years worth of clothes. I was over the top with gittyness as I began to try on the outfits that were obviously ghetto, asking Gflo in all seriousness if I could have the outfits to make a new impression for my new job! The best was finding orphaned single shoes and asking her what she wanted us to do with them! Our trip was extremely fast, but action packed. Health wise mom and UG are deciding what to do next, maybe a second opinion with Sac town based on multiple hours of phone conversations my mom had with specialists. The goal with Gflo is to stay positive, bring in humor and spend time with her. Meanwhile, my sis and I are working out a conflict that arose during our 24 hour Patterson visit with my dad’s side of the fam, as they were royally upset that Jamie and I did not consider the fact to stop by their house (about two miles from Gflo and visit). Honestly, that was the last thought on my mind! Understandable, but awkward! Jamie wants to spend her b-day up there so I am sure there will be more trips up north!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
This is the Juciest One Yet!!!
Week 8
By week 8, I was over my mind consuming jobless situation and what’s next, but still had random ideas to press on, I guess one would say. I finally was at a place to write many letters of thanks to my Cullen staff and district. It was good for me to completely express myself and show my appreciation, as in June, it was hard and avoided. At this point, I decided all my interviews in West Covina were good practice, as the result of no job offers (which I am grateful in some ways, for in the three interviews I had, my gut was unsettled). Because I had a fun-filled-action-packed week planned, Sunday night I decided to fill out paperwork to sub through Glendora. To sub, would be my absolute last result job situation. I procrastinated long enough, so I finally responded the Glendora sub paperwork lady. The TB results I had were out of date, but I sent them in anyway, knowing she’d probably call me on it…this was when I began to ponder as I was falling asleep how my insurance was going to be cut soon...so I pondered my insurance backup plans. To maximize the current health insurance I never use, I came up with the brilliant idea to call the doc office Monday AM to update my medical records since it had been a long time.
The after explaining over the phone I needed to have updates stat to the nurses they finally gave into my plea. Going to the doc for me is like listening to someone take their fingernails and scrape them on a chalk board. My mind gets carried away with needles and blood, I get cold sweats, and typically faint. My great adventure to do one whole shabang of a doc visit turned into four different visits!
Doc visit #1:
I am explaining to the nurse that I need updates on everything. She looks at my chart and agrees. I then tell her of my psychological doc office visit-like symptoms. She laughs at and with me, but I told her I was serious. I then proceed to explain the faint prevention plan that works best for me. I first ask for a wet paper towel to place on my forehead, and ask her not to tell me what is going on and worse case scenario, my shoes need to be taken off. We were game, so I thought. I had a physical prior to the blood work/shots. So I am chilling in my paper clothes. I am healthy as can be, the doc says she was going to get a nurse to do the shots and blood work, I am game, yet as I am sitting up listening to the doc, I immediately said I don’t feel too hot, and what do you know, I faint, remember in my paper clothes! I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me! I did fall back (if I would have fallen forward the moon would have come out early!) the doc gave up on me and said I had to come back for a second visit.
Doc visit #2:
Yet again, I fasted. Choosing to sleep in rather than wake up prior to doc visit to run five miles. Get in the room, the nurse and I chuckle as she remembered my faint precaution awareness procedures. I am laying down, paper towel in hand on forehead. I made it through the first arm of torture. Couple shots and blood work. Then the nurse moved to my other arm, I got through the shots, and then she tried to take blood. My veins are deep and I explained that to the nurse, and reminded her, the less I know the better. She did not get the concept I guess, as I knew she was getting frustrated poking around, and moving the needle in my arm. I knew I was going to my black faint land soon, I gave her a five second warning, and what do you know I fainted again! Yet, again, I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me!
Doc visit #3:
Because I had to reschedule my first doc appointment, my TB test result reading day was messed up, so I had to make a new appointment for the TB shot. This time it was like clockwork, the nurse new what to do with my “special” shot needs…and I did not faint! By now everyone is beginning to recognize me and giggle when I walk by them! Oh man!
Doc visit #4:
I am clean. I was evaluated and came back healthy and now am officially up-to-date! All for the sake of my future job that I was unsure of! I laughed as I left the office, it is almost like I made new friends! I should have made them cookies or something! Maybe a Christmas card exchange! Hahaha
I also started my scuba school, sweating as I passed the five written tests. I love tests! My total strength! = ( I now will continue to go on a few more dives and I think I am good to go. It is such an incredible feeling breathing underwater!
By the end of this week I began to have some understandings of why, where and what I needed to do. I knew the West Covina door was closed. I also began to realize why the Japan door was also closed through the JoyTalk agency. Maybe, the idea of speaking Japanese was one thing I could not control, but kept me from going. Also, my grandma was getting worse, where my mom basically went from Africa to my grandma’s house and has been there all summer. I thought that maybe I was supposed to be in CA to help out rather then Japan, but the Duarte door was still half open and closed. In my heart, I knew week 9 was the time I was going to hear from Duarte based on previous conversations, but at the same time I was told things and then there was no follow through.
One thing that really hit me this week was the idea of hiding/taking refuge in the Lord. The concept of finding refuge and turn my thoughts back to the Lord. I am feeling weak, and uncertain, yet, I have not lost hope and certainty of the Lord. I am confident through this change I am growing in ways I would not choose freely! There are so many Psalms where David is feeling like he needs protection, to be rescued, or is facing an army of enemies, but each Psalm explains the character of David and Christ. David, no matter how tough it gets, keeps his mind on the Lord. The Lord is a shield, lifts our heads high, is a protector, provider, and gives strength. God has never failed me.
Week 9
I started this week with the mentality I needed to think about a job again. I looked for a while again on the edjoin website to check the availability of jobs, but as I have noticed since the start, there are none.
Monday and Tuesday were huge monumental days. Randomly, I get a call from the wife of the Duarte Superintendent (who worked with me at Cullen). Small chat at first and then, got to the punch line of my job situation. After she realized I did not have a job, the convo was soon over, and she said it was possible I’d hear from Duarte that same day. I did get some clarity and understanding of why I was treated the way I was with the Duarte principal. Basically, the week I was in Oregon, when I got the phone call to do a demo lesson, the superintendent’s mother passed away and he was out of the office for a period of time. When the principal needed his advice of what to do with me, he was in no place to be reached. I am not justifying the principal’s actions, but she went with what she saw, I guess needing to make a decision, and since I was not there, I was easily taken out of the picture, unless something opened up mid August. I harbor no bitter feelings toward her or the district. It is just the way it was!
Monday, mid-afternoon, I get a phone call from the personnel of Duarte. She offered me a 4th grade teaching job at the school I interviewed for with the principal whom I talked to several times. Yipppppppeeeeeeee! It has happened! Good News! The job is a temp job, which means, I have a year-to-year contract. The 4th grade teacher I am replacing is going to another school to help with their test scores and then come back the following year, is the information I received. No matter what I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach! I would say I am an expert on what the contract is. One day the contract will work in my favor on the other side! Then she asked me when I could come in and start paperwork! I set up a time for the next day! As I hung up the phone, what do you know a lil tear started to come down! It was like this huge burden had been lifted off my shoulder! I was trying to compose myself, and my phone rang again, seconds later, it was the principal to congratulate me and welcome me. She said school started Sept. 8th or 9th, I can’t remember, and if I wanted to pick up a key the 17th I could. By the time I talked to her I was really overwhelmed, but we chatted for a while! Funny, because prior to teaching 5th grade at Cullen, I had 2 years of experience with 4th graders in Hacienda La Puente. I loved the age, and the curriculum of what they learn! This is God’s hand, I know! Very exciting! I also would be working along the side of a teacher whom I worked with at Cullen who was also a temp and let go!
About twenty minutes after that I got another phone call from my mom for an update on my Grandma. After her MRI that morning (to figure out why the left side of my grandma was being favored), the doc called her on the way home requesting her to pack a bag, for they found a mass on her brain and wanted to monitor it with her spending the night in the hospital as seizures are pretty common, and they wanted to avoid that! It turns out that my grandma has brain cancer called Butterfly Glioma. This would explain a lot of what my mom and I have witnessed this summer as we have gone up to assess her health situations. The brain cancer is on both sides of her brain, mainly on the right side. The mass is so big that it is inoperable. The best treatment recommended to her is radiation (for several weeks daily) and oral chemo I believe for life. She is already weak, but wants to fight the battle of cancer. Not only has the 77year old been diagnosed with brain cancer, she has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, emphysema, and has smoked her entire life resulting in her lungs to have the age of a 99 year old. My sis and I have not made a complete plan yet, but are going to be up north sometime this week prior to treatment. UG has already gone up north, as my grandma lights up when a man walks in the room. Unfortunately or fortunately, after talking with him, he decided to check himself in rehab, this week when he gets home! I guess that is good, considering the action going on. Can it get any crazier! When it pours it rains, but wait there is more!
A few hours later, as I am checking my email before going to bed, I get this email.
Erin,
I just got a call from one of the AETs in Moka and she is now home inIllinois. She has decided she does not want to go back to Moka. That meansI will need to find another teacher for her position. Are you still interested? I have not contacted Moka yet. Let me know whatyou think before I call over to Japan.
Steve
Moka was my number one choice to teach in Japan, but was extinguished quicker then I had the idea in my head. It was a sweet situation. As the sister city of Glendora, the program pays the teachers, and takes care of housing (as the teachers all live in a little community together), flights, an allowance for bills etc. I would basically come out on top. There are only six teachers that the program will hire. When I first looked in the program, in June, the 6 teachers who taught last year resigned their contracts for a second year. As I thought I still wanted to teach in Japan, I looked at the Joytalk agency (recommended to me from Moka) and applied with the knowledge that Moko was a much better deal, as I would barely break even through Joytalk. Really, the money did not matter to me, it was more of the ministry and experience. In my head, God would have provided. Then I get this crazy email that says Moka can be a possible option again….the same exact day that Duarte offered me a 4th grade teaching position…the same exact time I find out my grandma has brain cancer!!! I thought I was overwhelmed, but yikes, maybe now I am overwhelmed!
The Lord is my refuge, provider, and strength. I still have a peace and know God has big plans. I am in a win- win situation. But now I need to really sit and assess the situation. I have not communicated with Duarte about Moka, as they were the first to call me and I thought Japan was not an option. I am trying to make my personal deadline of contract signing commitment Monday, which will give me time to figure out what really is going on with Moka- aka if everything is truly a possibility, the family, and really what God wants me to do and how he best wants to use me aligned with my passions. Even though there are now options with a closer certainty compared to before, I am still in the same place of waiting on the Lord for complete assurance and discernment! Though it all, I have a feeling this year is going to be a dynamic year!
By week 8, I was over my mind consuming jobless situation and what’s next, but still had random ideas to press on, I guess one would say. I finally was at a place to write many letters of thanks to my Cullen staff and district. It was good for me to completely express myself and show my appreciation, as in June, it was hard and avoided. At this point, I decided all my interviews in West Covina were good practice, as the result of no job offers (which I am grateful in some ways, for in the three interviews I had, my gut was unsettled). Because I had a fun-filled-action-packed week planned, Sunday night I decided to fill out paperwork to sub through Glendora. To sub, would be my absolute last result job situation. I procrastinated long enough, so I finally responded the Glendora sub paperwork lady. The TB results I had were out of date, but I sent them in anyway, knowing she’d probably call me on it…this was when I began to ponder as I was falling asleep how my insurance was going to be cut soon...so I pondered my insurance backup plans. To maximize the current health insurance I never use, I came up with the brilliant idea to call the doc office Monday AM to update my medical records since it had been a long time.
The after explaining over the phone I needed to have updates stat to the nurses they finally gave into my plea. Going to the doc for me is like listening to someone take their fingernails and scrape them on a chalk board. My mind gets carried away with needles and blood, I get cold sweats, and typically faint. My great adventure to do one whole shabang of a doc visit turned into four different visits!
Doc visit #1:
I am explaining to the nurse that I need updates on everything. She looks at my chart and agrees. I then tell her of my psychological doc office visit-like symptoms. She laughs at and with me, but I told her I was serious. I then proceed to explain the faint prevention plan that works best for me. I first ask for a wet paper towel to place on my forehead, and ask her not to tell me what is going on and worse case scenario, my shoes need to be taken off. We were game, so I thought. I had a physical prior to the blood work/shots. So I am chilling in my paper clothes. I am healthy as can be, the doc says she was going to get a nurse to do the shots and blood work, I am game, yet as I am sitting up listening to the doc, I immediately said I don’t feel too hot, and what do you know, I faint, remember in my paper clothes! I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me! I did fall back (if I would have fallen forward the moon would have come out early!) the doc gave up on me and said I had to come back for a second visit.
Doc visit #2:
Yet again, I fasted. Choosing to sleep in rather than wake up prior to doc visit to run five miles. Get in the room, the nurse and I chuckle as she remembered my faint precaution awareness procedures. I am laying down, paper towel in hand on forehead. I made it through the first arm of torture. Couple shots and blood work. Then the nurse moved to my other arm, I got through the shots, and then she tried to take blood. My veins are deep and I explained that to the nurse, and reminded her, the less I know the better. She did not get the concept I guess, as I knew she was getting frustrated poking around, and moving the needle in my arm. I knew I was going to my black faint land soon, I gave her a five second warning, and what do you know I fainted again! Yet, again, I woke up to a multitude of nurses around me!
Doc visit #3:
Because I had to reschedule my first doc appointment, my TB test result reading day was messed up, so I had to make a new appointment for the TB shot. This time it was like clockwork, the nurse new what to do with my “special” shot needs…and I did not faint! By now everyone is beginning to recognize me and giggle when I walk by them! Oh man!
Doc visit #4:
I am clean. I was evaluated and came back healthy and now am officially up-to-date! All for the sake of my future job that I was unsure of! I laughed as I left the office, it is almost like I made new friends! I should have made them cookies or something! Maybe a Christmas card exchange! Hahaha
I also started my scuba school, sweating as I passed the five written tests. I love tests! My total strength! = ( I now will continue to go on a few more dives and I think I am good to go. It is such an incredible feeling breathing underwater!
By the end of this week I began to have some understandings of why, where and what I needed to do. I knew the West Covina door was closed. I also began to realize why the Japan door was also closed through the JoyTalk agency. Maybe, the idea of speaking Japanese was one thing I could not control, but kept me from going. Also, my grandma was getting worse, where my mom basically went from Africa to my grandma’s house and has been there all summer. I thought that maybe I was supposed to be in CA to help out rather then Japan, but the Duarte door was still half open and closed. In my heart, I knew week 9 was the time I was going to hear from Duarte based on previous conversations, but at the same time I was told things and then there was no follow through.
One thing that really hit me this week was the idea of hiding/taking refuge in the Lord. The concept of finding refuge and turn my thoughts back to the Lord. I am feeling weak, and uncertain, yet, I have not lost hope and certainty of the Lord. I am confident through this change I am growing in ways I would not choose freely! There are so many Psalms where David is feeling like he needs protection, to be rescued, or is facing an army of enemies, but each Psalm explains the character of David and Christ. David, no matter how tough it gets, keeps his mind on the Lord. The Lord is a shield, lifts our heads high, is a protector, provider, and gives strength. God has never failed me.
Week 9
I started this week with the mentality I needed to think about a job again. I looked for a while again on the edjoin website to check the availability of jobs, but as I have noticed since the start, there are none.
Monday and Tuesday were huge monumental days. Randomly, I get a call from the wife of the Duarte Superintendent (who worked with me at Cullen). Small chat at first and then, got to the punch line of my job situation. After she realized I did not have a job, the convo was soon over, and she said it was possible I’d hear from Duarte that same day. I did get some clarity and understanding of why I was treated the way I was with the Duarte principal. Basically, the week I was in Oregon, when I got the phone call to do a demo lesson, the superintendent’s mother passed away and he was out of the office for a period of time. When the principal needed his advice of what to do with me, he was in no place to be reached. I am not justifying the principal’s actions, but she went with what she saw, I guess needing to make a decision, and since I was not there, I was easily taken out of the picture, unless something opened up mid August. I harbor no bitter feelings toward her or the district. It is just the way it was!
Monday, mid-afternoon, I get a phone call from the personnel of Duarte. She offered me a 4th grade teaching job at the school I interviewed for with the principal whom I talked to several times. Yipppppppeeeeeeee! It has happened! Good News! The job is a temp job, which means, I have a year-to-year contract. The 4th grade teacher I am replacing is going to another school to help with their test scores and then come back the following year, is the information I received. No matter what I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach! I would say I am an expert on what the contract is. One day the contract will work in my favor on the other side! Then she asked me when I could come in and start paperwork! I set up a time for the next day! As I hung up the phone, what do you know a lil tear started to come down! It was like this huge burden had been lifted off my shoulder! I was trying to compose myself, and my phone rang again, seconds later, it was the principal to congratulate me and welcome me. She said school started Sept. 8th or 9th, I can’t remember, and if I wanted to pick up a key the 17th I could. By the time I talked to her I was really overwhelmed, but we chatted for a while! Funny, because prior to teaching 5th grade at Cullen, I had 2 years of experience with 4th graders in Hacienda La Puente. I loved the age, and the curriculum of what they learn! This is God’s hand, I know! Very exciting! I also would be working along the side of a teacher whom I worked with at Cullen who was also a temp and let go!
About twenty minutes after that I got another phone call from my mom for an update on my Grandma. After her MRI that morning (to figure out why the left side of my grandma was being favored), the doc called her on the way home requesting her to pack a bag, for they found a mass on her brain and wanted to monitor it with her spending the night in the hospital as seizures are pretty common, and they wanted to avoid that! It turns out that my grandma has brain cancer called Butterfly Glioma. This would explain a lot of what my mom and I have witnessed this summer as we have gone up to assess her health situations. The brain cancer is on both sides of her brain, mainly on the right side. The mass is so big that it is inoperable. The best treatment recommended to her is radiation (for several weeks daily) and oral chemo I believe for life. She is already weak, but wants to fight the battle of cancer. Not only has the 77year old been diagnosed with brain cancer, she has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, emphysema, and has smoked her entire life resulting in her lungs to have the age of a 99 year old. My sis and I have not made a complete plan yet, but are going to be up north sometime this week prior to treatment. UG has already gone up north, as my grandma lights up when a man walks in the room. Unfortunately or fortunately, after talking with him, he decided to check himself in rehab, this week when he gets home! I guess that is good, considering the action going on. Can it get any crazier! When it pours it rains, but wait there is more!
A few hours later, as I am checking my email before going to bed, I get this email.
Erin,
I just got a call from one of the AETs in Moka and she is now home inIllinois. She has decided she does not want to go back to Moka. That meansI will need to find another teacher for her position. Are you still interested? I have not contacted Moka yet. Let me know whatyou think before I call over to Japan.
Steve
Moka was my number one choice to teach in Japan, but was extinguished quicker then I had the idea in my head. It was a sweet situation. As the sister city of Glendora, the program pays the teachers, and takes care of housing (as the teachers all live in a little community together), flights, an allowance for bills etc. I would basically come out on top. There are only six teachers that the program will hire. When I first looked in the program, in June, the 6 teachers who taught last year resigned their contracts for a second year. As I thought I still wanted to teach in Japan, I looked at the Joytalk agency (recommended to me from Moka) and applied with the knowledge that Moko was a much better deal, as I would barely break even through Joytalk. Really, the money did not matter to me, it was more of the ministry and experience. In my head, God would have provided. Then I get this crazy email that says Moka can be a possible option again….the same exact day that Duarte offered me a 4th grade teaching position…the same exact time I find out my grandma has brain cancer!!! I thought I was overwhelmed, but yikes, maybe now I am overwhelmed!
The Lord is my refuge, provider, and strength. I still have a peace and know God has big plans. I am in a win- win situation. But now I need to really sit and assess the situation. I have not communicated with Duarte about Moka, as they were the first to call me and I thought Japan was not an option. I am trying to make my personal deadline of contract signing commitment Monday, which will give me time to figure out what really is going on with Moka- aka if everything is truly a possibility, the family, and really what God wants me to do and how he best wants to use me aligned with my passions. Even though there are now options with a closer certainty compared to before, I am still in the same place of waiting on the Lord for complete assurance and discernment! Though it all, I have a feeling this year is going to be a dynamic year!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Week 7 Tuesday
The 2nd interview with West Covina was good. Last week I had the interview with the principal and one other lady (can’t remember her title…maybe a ESL specialist), while this time two 5th grade teachers were added to the mix. The principal asked me the same questions she asked me last week. I pretty much responded verbatim of the previous interview, minus the “state testing foot-in-the-mouth” statements. Ha! One of the 5th grade teachers is my mom’s ageish, while the other one is around my age or maybe younger. They were polite, but at times I wondered if they were forced to be there. As I answered the questions, they nodded their heads and agreed with me on many of my statements. One looked down quite often, while the other stared at me with little to no facial expressions (my interpretation of her thinking I was nuts with too much energy!) The principal was the only one who really talked, unless I asked a question directed toward the teachers, while the same side kick person took notes. There were times where I would begin to talk getting really passionate with my hands and my face, lighting up, discussing how and why teaching is such an awesome opportunity to create strong relationships and confidence for a child to learn. I felt during the interview there were times the group was in their la la land. At one point I even asked them if they were ok….this might be the only moment, this interview, where I might have over stepped my boundaries. Otherwise, I think I did ok, but who knows. I will know in a week, one way or another, so they say. I just felt when I left there was no spark there! My roomie and I have been in so many situations the past few weeks where the joke has been to let our “God spark go crazy” and shine on….while meeting other people the spark in their eye is what I am looking for, whether it is because it is summer, they are wearing their favorite shoes…just something of passion! My gut tells me there is a better place for me, but we will see I could be wrong. Maybe West Covina is where God wants to use me. I have to remember: God is going to do incredible things through this whole shabang, keep trusting Him with patience, and cling to the journey of faith.
Meanwhile, the Duarte flame might be rekindled, not quite sure. After receiving a phone call today, I do know there are phone calls going around about me to figure out where the Duarte principal was going with her thought process with me. I really have no idea what will happen, but I am game to chill and wait for a while with the information of possible openings she informed me of. It is hard for me to take no for an answer.
It was a big week and there is so much more left to enjoy, I think I’m going to take a break and not think about my future till next week!
No Japan update, unless I sleep with headphones mesmerizing me in the native language to quickly learn Japanese!
Maybe…I will go to culinary school in Italy if everything bombs. Oh this is fun! hehehe
Meanwhile, the Duarte flame might be rekindled, not quite sure. After receiving a phone call today, I do know there are phone calls going around about me to figure out where the Duarte principal was going with her thought process with me. I really have no idea what will happen, but I am game to chill and wait for a while with the information of possible openings she informed me of. It is hard for me to take no for an answer.
It was a big week and there is so much more left to enjoy, I think I’m going to take a break and not think about my future till next week!
No Japan update, unless I sleep with headphones mesmerizing me in the native language to quickly learn Japanese!
Maybe…I will go to culinary school in Italy if everything bombs. Oh this is fun! hehehe
Monday, July 27, 2009
Week 7 Monday
I am back from my trip to Oregon, which was wonderful! I booked my ticket the week after school was out in June, knowing it would be my one out of state trip of the summer. I figured the middle of June would be a good time to leave rather than August. I crossed my fingers and hoped the trip timing would not conflict with any possibilities of jobs. I was wrong for two different positions and was able to fix one, but also lost an opportunity: 1. I had to change my original departure time for a later time to make an interview with West Covina the morning I left. That worked out fine. The principal found out and asked me about it. Slightly awkward, but I guess it demonstrated my quest for a teaching job. 2. I missed a demo lesson the Duarte principal set up to witness the quality teachers she interviewed to make a decision of whom to hire (I found out about this opportunity after I left, the principal told me to call her when I returned).
Now in CA, I decided to follow up with the principal in Duarte to see what I need to do for her to see that I am capable of teaching and love it! As I talked to the Duarte principal, she decided there was no need to have me do a demo lesson, aka she had filled the position I applied for while in Oregon after watching others demo their teaching. This is so frustrating to me! But on the business perspective I get it, yet I was under the impression she would give me a chance to demo teach when I got back-which I understand she in no means had to. She mentioned she had 2 more possible openings (2nd and 4th grade) in August, but was not positive based on a few factors and to keep looking around. She mentioned my interview, references, follow-up references, etc. were good and knew I was a good/quality teacher, and because of that IF there are openings in August she will call me as one of her firsts. I flat out asked her if not being at the school for a demo lesson affected me, and she basically said yes. UHHHHHHH is how I feel right about now. I, in no means regret my trip. And that is when she mentioned I had no control of the situation and the idea that she would call me as I was in route to Oregon. I am not bitter toward the principal or her system to choose. I am just sad that it was a system decided too late for me to be apart of. The Duarte door is not all the way closed, but it is beginning to look that way.
A few lessons in life I think I have mastered are anything with control. I realize I have no control over anything. And this is a lesson I thought I mastered after having to deal with death first hand. I guess it is going to hit all areas of my life. The only control I have is over me. This is hard. I have hit the wall of emotions and definitely have cried a few times throughout today. Over the past few weeks, I have acclimated to the idea I was going to be teaching in Duarte as a 5th grade teacher. I get the whole doors open and closed concept from God. I get he has, thank God, everything under CONTROL. I definitely trust him and in a weird way still have peace. I am just getting weary of this whole process to follow the passions of my heart, because of ridiculous situations yet again, I have no control over, just me. I will be teaching, just don’t know how quite yet! There are reasons for everything, I just don’t always have the answers.
Tomorrow I have my 2nd interview with West Covina, I am grateful for an opportunity, I now need to move West Covina up on my priority list, and see if this is a door that will open or close.
No news from Japan.
Now in CA, I decided to follow up with the principal in Duarte to see what I need to do for her to see that I am capable of teaching and love it! As I talked to the Duarte principal, she decided there was no need to have me do a demo lesson, aka she had filled the position I applied for while in Oregon after watching others demo their teaching. This is so frustrating to me! But on the business perspective I get it, yet I was under the impression she would give me a chance to demo teach when I got back-which I understand she in no means had to. She mentioned she had 2 more possible openings (2nd and 4th grade) in August, but was not positive based on a few factors and to keep looking around. She mentioned my interview, references, follow-up references, etc. were good and knew I was a good/quality teacher, and because of that IF there are openings in August she will call me as one of her firsts. I flat out asked her if not being at the school for a demo lesson affected me, and she basically said yes. UHHHHHHH is how I feel right about now. I, in no means regret my trip. And that is when she mentioned I had no control of the situation and the idea that she would call me as I was in route to Oregon. I am not bitter toward the principal or her system to choose. I am just sad that it was a system decided too late for me to be apart of. The Duarte door is not all the way closed, but it is beginning to look that way.
A few lessons in life I think I have mastered are anything with control. I realize I have no control over anything. And this is a lesson I thought I mastered after having to deal with death first hand. I guess it is going to hit all areas of my life. The only control I have is over me. This is hard. I have hit the wall of emotions and definitely have cried a few times throughout today. Over the past few weeks, I have acclimated to the idea I was going to be teaching in Duarte as a 5th grade teacher. I get the whole doors open and closed concept from God. I get he has, thank God, everything under CONTROL. I definitely trust him and in a weird way still have peace. I am just getting weary of this whole process to follow the passions of my heart, because of ridiculous situations yet again, I have no control over, just me. I will be teaching, just don’t know how quite yet! There are reasons for everything, I just don’t always have the answers.
Tomorrow I have my 2nd interview with West Covina, I am grateful for an opportunity, I now need to move West Covina up on my priority list, and see if this is a door that will open or close.
No news from Japan.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Week 6 - Searching!
Monday I had an interview with West Covina. The interview was with a principal whom I have never met (looking for a 5th grade teacher). I am assuming my information was passed to her from the other interview I had in West Covina (that principal was looking for a 4th grade teacher).
The interview was good. She was late, but then I figured it was because she was waiting for one other person to help her interview me. They asked good questions, yet, once again, the district did not send her my information, so she was blind to who I was, but obviously learned who I was fast. I answered the questions well, until she told me why her 5th grade teachers will not rotate anymore at her school (I am game with whatever!), one reason was because of state testing and their school's poor score results. Then she asked me of my school scores...yeah, I have no idea, sorry don't memorize that stuff. I know my answer was lame..... sorry that's not why I teach. Dumb answer, but I really pay attention to the testing aspect in my ways, which is not as much as others do along that line. State action is my framework to teach...I don't necessary teach to the test. I could go on, but her response to me was, "We eat, breathe, and sleep what our test scores will be." I get it, but yikes! Even though I might have been a little clumsy with the state testing talk, she asked me to come back next week for a panel interview with the other two 4th and 5th grade teachers, for they need to help in the process of picking who they want to work with. There are three of us that she is considering. So Tuesday morning I will yet again go back to the school and interview again.
Meanwhile, the same day, which is pretty typical and my comic relief. The principal in Duarte called me. She was impressed with my interview, along with a few other teachers. She said there are many qualified teachers whom she has interviewed, yet has not a clue which one to pick (she has a k, 2nd, and 5th grade spot open). She decided her process to find out which one would make the cut would be through a demo lesson. She wanted me to come this Wednesday to the school and teach for the summer school kids. I am at the moment not in California. I explained to her my situation. She asked me to call her when I get back and she would try to create a way where I could do a lesson for a group of students, even if it was the children of PTA parents, then she will see first hand Ms. McGee in action....should I scare her with a song? hehehe I guess that will be next week also.
I am still not opposed to Japan, but they still only have openings for teachers whom are familiar with Japanese. Rosetta Stone might have to be an investment for me! Ha! Just Kidding!
Not matter what I still have peace. I understand and believe the Lord will provide. I am ready for a revealing of the great future, but it looks like I am still in the search, wait and trust phase!
The interview was good. She was late, but then I figured it was because she was waiting for one other person to help her interview me. They asked good questions, yet, once again, the district did not send her my information, so she was blind to who I was, but obviously learned who I was fast. I answered the questions well, until she told me why her 5th grade teachers will not rotate anymore at her school (I am game with whatever!), one reason was because of state testing and their school's poor score results. Then she asked me of my school scores...yeah, I have no idea, sorry don't memorize that stuff. I know my answer was lame..... sorry that's not why I teach. Dumb answer, but I really pay attention to the testing aspect in my ways, which is not as much as others do along that line. State action is my framework to teach...I don't necessary teach to the test. I could go on, but her response to me was, "We eat, breathe, and sleep what our test scores will be." I get it, but yikes! Even though I might have been a little clumsy with the state testing talk, she asked me to come back next week for a panel interview with the other two 4th and 5th grade teachers, for they need to help in the process of picking who they want to work with. There are three of us that she is considering. So Tuesday morning I will yet again go back to the school and interview again.
Meanwhile, the same day, which is pretty typical and my comic relief. The principal in Duarte called me. She was impressed with my interview, along with a few other teachers. She said there are many qualified teachers whom she has interviewed, yet has not a clue which one to pick (she has a k, 2nd, and 5th grade spot open). She decided her process to find out which one would make the cut would be through a demo lesson. She wanted me to come this Wednesday to the school and teach for the summer school kids. I am at the moment not in California. I explained to her my situation. She asked me to call her when I get back and she would try to create a way where I could do a lesson for a group of students, even if it was the children of PTA parents, then she will see first hand Ms. McGee in action....should I scare her with a song? hehehe I guess that will be next week also.
I am still not opposed to Japan, but they still only have openings for teachers whom are familiar with Japanese. Rosetta Stone might have to be an investment for me! Ha! Just Kidding!
Not matter what I still have peace. I understand and believe the Lord will provide. I am ready for a revealing of the great future, but it looks like I am still in the search, wait and trust phase!
Hilarious email from one of my students this year!
"I DID IT"i finally passed science.
Now i am close in math but far from laughage arts.
your right it does make you have a warm fuzzy-feeling.
i am sooooo happy i cant explane
it. thanks 4 the encouragement. thats the only reason i am were i am. this is my best
year ever in elemtry school, only because i have the gratest 5th grade science teacher.
[that means you] and i mean that you are the best teacher ever. you and Mrs.Fisher.
THANKS again... i almost pee'd my pants when you sang to Nathan, chad, and griffen.
that was sooo funny. :o
Now i am close in math but far from laughage arts.
your right it does make you have a warm fuzzy-feeling.
i am sooooo happy i cant explane
it. thanks 4 the encouragement. thats the only reason i am were i am. this is my best
year ever in elemtry school, only because i have the gratest 5th grade science teacher.
[that means you] and i mean that you are the best teacher ever. you and Mrs.Fisher.
THANKS again... i almost pee'd my pants when you sang to Nathan, chad, and griffen.
that was sooo funny. :o
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Journey to Discover What is Next
Last Week of School
********************
During the last week of school I began to realize and let sink in a huge journey was ahead of me, yet I tried not to let myself go there because I knew I needed to finish strong with the group of students I had. Of course, I definitely had days that were tougher than others, especially when a kid would come in my class with such pride to hand me a gift, and the most meaningful cards the whole family made personalized with such heartfelt words. In no way was it easy to appropriately say thanks to the many who have embraced me so well to enhance my passion of teaching in the classroom. I am still working on the thank you and not ready to say good bye… and I am pushing 5 weeks out of school! Yikes! It was hard….I think the last couple of days someone, if not me, came to me in tears as they realized my teaching journey was on a path of change. It was by no means easy to pack up things gutting room 26 including returning all my teacher books and supplied teaching materials, and then bring 16 packed boxes/containers and 4 3-doored plastic containers through the house and upstairs into my bedroom. After many conversations with those whom I hold with high regard I am assured there are reasons for everything, and I am ok with not necessarily knowing the answers, but I do know what my passions are and I consider the way they are used a journey, for I have certainty that God will use me and them in His perfect will, often opportunities I don’t even think.
*
Summer Week 1
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Why not dream big? When am I ever given the opportunity to have a free ticket in life to do anything I want to do…considering I really do not have too many attachments that can wait for me! After pondering life with my sister, we came to the conclusion that I love to travel, be with kids, and teach. Why not teach abroad? But where? I thought of spinning the world and whatever my finger landed on that is where I was going….yet, that might be too drastic and not that smart. I decided to come up with a list of criteria of what it would take to get me to teach in another country. After my criteria were set, I began the idea of searching for the best place to teach. I started by a Google search and definitely became overwhelmed fast. I decided maybe Japan was the place for me to go. It met my personal criteria…. my good friend’s grandparents live there, it was safe….and why not?
*
Next I needed to figure out the teaching aspects. A few days passed since my Japan revolution…I remembered Glendora’s sister city is in Moko, Japan, along to with the idea that the middle schools are sister schools. Bingo!!! I called the president of the sister city communication, whom is a principal in my district and I had his son last year. After hearing the experience he had, I was in. He emailed the Moko people and to my unfortunate luck the Moko American teachers from last year decided to spend another year teaching…resulting in no teaching in Moko for me. At one point one teacher was being considered to be let go, but the city decided to give the teacher another try. Still in contact with the Moko experienced principal, I received an email that suggested I try an agency called Joy Talk that hires American teachers to come into the Japan school system. I researched the website, and decided to apply attaching I think 9 different documents they wanted from me. Then I waited to see what would happen!
*
Summer Week 2
*********************
I heard back from Joy Talk. They wanted to interview me through Skype. No problem. It took me quite some time to realize the time difference from Japan and California, for my interview time was scheduled for Japanese Standard Time. I figured Japan is a day ahead of California and time is close to opposite. I had no choice for an interview time, I signed up for 5am my time, 9pm Japan time. Slightly nervous, I was coached by my roomies and sister. I also called my Moko expert freaking out and asked him what I needed to ask through my interview. I was ready. My sis even said something along the lines of, “Don’t forget to do your hair and make-up, it is an interview…but sit in your underwear if you want, but be confident!”
*
Bright and early, I woke up on a Wednesday, 4am, got gorgeous, by 4:30 I was downstairs, heart pounding…reassured by Ephesians 5:1-2 and 15-17, “Follow God’s example in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love for others following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was sweet like perfume to him.” “So be careful how you live, not as fools, but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.” I even had a power bar and huge glass of water. I was set. 5am appears on the clock….no sign of the Joy Talk people trying to ring me in through Skype…then I reread my email what seemed 100 times. I could not figure it out, why was Joy Talk not calling me? I looked again at the Japanese Standard Time and my time….ohhhhhhhh nooooo wrong day….I went back to bed, and repeated my steps the next day! Practice is good right! Two days in a row of 4am primping!
*
The interview went really smooth. We video chatted for over an hour and a half. Joy Talk answered all of my questions and made me feel at peace right away, as he mentioned in person I was indeed the person all my papers claimed I was! In Japan, my role as a teacher would be to team teach with a Japanese English teacher at the middle school level. Elementary exposure would be slim for me since I do not speak Japanese, and the teachers are intimidated by Americans. I would be like a celebrity as the Japanese want to learn and embrace the American culture, as I in return and learn about Japan. Joy Talk said they needed two weeks to match my strengths with the needs of Japanese Board of Education, and then they would get back to me. I was game, yet the second I disconnected from the internet, I began to freak out, and of course called one of my colleagues at 6:45am. She helped bring me back down to reality! My mom is gone for a month, can’t call her, why not another teacher who I was certain was awake! I began to realize I needed to be patient and have trust in the Lord whatever happened! No matter what I simply know the Lord truly knows the desires of my heart Japan or not.
*
Summer Week 3
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I was ready to get away. Went to the beach and enjoyed Santa Barbara. After three days of being there, I received a phone call from my Grandma that she was not doing to great health wise. After many conversations with the family, I was the best candidate to come to the rescue. My roomie and I left the beach early and began the 5 hour quest to Grandma’s house! Basically, the lil lady was dehydrated, not eating, and had a new medical discoveries, I think the medical issues have been there, but now it is named because she willingly went to the doc! She has COPD, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. I felt like a genius, for if it was not for my 5th grade body system knowledge, then I would have not been able to use all the technical body terms with the doc! I could of belted out songs with him…but he was interesting! hehehe I am glad I got to spend time with my Grandma. We cooked sooo much. I know she was feeling better when she wanted me to make her a tri-tip, chicken friend steak, whole made potatoe salad….and the list goes on! And then she wanted another tri-tip, cause the first one was so good! God bless my roomie all the way to heaven, she put her hands to work big time.
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While at my Grandma’s I was able to check the status of my joblessness on her dial up internet! Haller! Prior to my trip to my Grandma’s, I had to write a grant summary of how the funds were used and heard back from the grantee. A portion of what he said was, “I'm beginning to think you have an awesome team of fifth grade teachers with whom you work. I'm impressed and pleased.” Ahhh sweet….but ok God? What is up? Then I talk with my teammate and realized all the pink slips were taken back….what does that mean for me? Nothing. I am a temp, a year to year contract for the past 3 years, which is what I signed up for. I know! I thought it would get better over time, but I was wrong. My hands are tied along with my principals! I am starting to feel tugged and warred out. There currently are no possibility of me going back, but really who knows! Yikes. Then I get a phone call from my principal who answered many of my questions. Apparently, another principal in West Covina wanted names of teachers who would be quality to be interviewed in her district. I received her name and number and set up a time to interview with her and another human resource dude. I was game. Might as well take the opportunities and see what happens!
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Summer Week 4
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I got home and decided to email Joy Talk to follow up on my interview with them since it had really been two weeks. By the end of the week I heard back from them and this is what they said:
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Dear Erin,
Thanks for your e-mail. There is one requirement from the boards of education that we have new contracts through that is holding your employment back at the moment. Because there is elementary school involved to a certain degree and there are no teachers trained in English at Japanese elementary schools at present, these boards of education require all their ALTs to be conversant in Japanese. If, however, another location comes up that does not require this, I will get back in touch with you.
Thanks again for your time recently and hopefully speak to you again soon.
Kind regards
Grant Harbourne
Joytalk Manager
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There I stand with Joy Talk and the possibility of going to Japan. It is out of my control, as it seems many things in my life, but I can be proactive and I have faith something good will come out of all this!
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As I am getting back in the swing of things at my home, I started to delete the million messages on my home phone answer machine. Then I realized there were more messages for me to call another district. I connected with Duarte, and basically they wanted me to stop by the next day to fill out an application, then the applications would be delivered to the principal who is hiring. Also I was referred to another person at APU who deals with international teaching. I was to also see her the next day to get information from presentations the international schools had made at APU for the teachers. Sweet!
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I hung out with a friend from out of town and the roomies pretty late…after everyone went to bed, I decided I should write a cover letter for Duarte and West Covina with appealing details about me considering the drought of CA teacher jobs…went to bed after 2am and then woke up to get ready for an interview with West Covina the next morning.
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Prior to my interviews, I try to get to know what I am putting myself into, I guess you can say I stalk the schools and district. I realized one of the people who would be in the interview with me from the WC District Office was a person whom was extremely rude to me last year when I interviewed at an APU job fair. He did not want to give me the time of day. Trying to think positively with a second chance for him I tried to not be too biased in the interview.
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While waiting to interview I connected with the secretary in the DO. Mention grandkids and you make the lady happy! She even shared her tamale recipe with me! Always food!
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I sat down in the interview and the, lets call him the second chance dude, was blowing his second chance. I do understand it was a blind interview, because the three who were interviewing me had nothing about me except what I gave them, but come on! Second chance dude could have sat so far back that his feet could have made it to his desk, not once made eye contact, and really does not like Glendora, making it very apparent, insulting my experience and teachers. I decided it was unprofessional. The part of the interview I later realized could have blown it for me was when I asked the other dude in the room who he was. I knew of the principal and second chance dude, but the other guy????? I am embarrassed to say, but understand I was getting frustrated, I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are, are you the sidekick?” Yes, I know, bad, self control…..Processing now, I have to remember my passions, and cannot let others get in the way. I am learning that DO people do not always know really what does happen in the classroom, simply based on the questions that were asked of me. The principal was alright, yet it seemed she wanted to befriend me. I have enough friends! Oh may the feisty McGee come out!
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From West Covina, I hopped on the freeway and went to Duarte. Sat in there ohhhhh a good hour and filled out an application. Ran into the Superintendent, sat with him for a while, and then he took my info to the principal who was hiring. I guess she had a stack of at least 200 applications to go through.
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Then I went to APU and got more info on international teaching. After I took the info home and researched the paper work, I am thinking it might be too late to try to apply in another program to go abroad. The door is not completely closed, but I do need to make a few phone calls and emails to have confirmation. I guess my philosophy is I don’t know if I don’t try.
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Summer Week 5
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Currently, I am in week 5. Yesterday, I received a phone call from West Covina. My heart was confused; I had such a high frustration level with the interview, although I am glad I did it, but of course I thought for sure they did not like me. The secretary wanted to know if I could interview next Monday. I immediately asked if there was another time. That is the time I really did plan a vacation to be out of state. She called back and said there was not a way. We hung up and then I began to think, was I being stupid denying an interview when they are hard to come by? I checked flights out Monday to see if I could change my flight to make it work around the interview. I called the secretary back and she put me on the calendar for next Monday. Then I asked her what the interview was for. Apparently, my information was passed to another principal in West Covina, possibly from the interview last week. I am assuming the interview from last week was practice, and they hired someone else? Monday, the other principal wants to interview me at the cite. The school looks good. The teacher of the year and classified of the year were at the school, so that has to say something….but I will know more after Monday morning! Funny fact she has the same name as two other bosses I’ve had! Serendipity!
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Seconds, literally, after I hung up with West Covina, the principal from Duarte called who is hiring. She wants me to interview Wednesday. Wednesday I will sit before a panel and they will be introduced to me! I am game, and getting the hang of this whole interview thing…maybe!
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Tonight, I got another phone call from a fellow colleuge and she told me her story of what she has encountered since March...mentioning as she is has been encoutering change and has had many meetings in the District Office...every time reminding them of what type of teacher I am. My mind is confused and overwhelmed! I thought I had the story of my situation right, but others have different ideas, sadly I am certain I know what I signed up for no matter how disgusting a situation can get.
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Over the past 5 weeks I have felt and experienced every type of emotion, often wondering if I am sane! But I can honestly say through it all, I have peace. Ever since the beginning of this past school year, when my gut was telling me there was a lot of change brewing, I have had peace and assurance that the future really is not in my hands, but the Lord’s. I know and trust in the Lord. I will take action and wait. I will be still. I will search. I am confident the Fall has great journeys and adventures ahead of me and truly that is what keeps me going. I am prepared, although I don’t have all the answers. I have made no decisions. I am simply leaning on the Lord. And eventually will have to have discernment!
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